Thinking about having kids

[JSFFF]

Hey everyone. I want some advice. I am a 25 year old and I grew up in the era of women being empowered to not have kids and chase a career and do what they want with their life. I have now found myself in very lefty social circles where getting married and having kids is pretty much shamed as throwing your life away and surrendering to societal norms.

My partner is also in the same social circles. When we met I always just said I didn't want to get married or have kids because that's just what is expected in the circles I found myself in. Now I have actually been able to think about it, I think I do want to get married and have kids. My partner and I have spoken about getting married after we buy a house together. Initially when we got together neither of us said we were bothered about marriage and it still isn't a priority but that it something that has changed.

Now I want to be open with him about now wanting to have kids but I'm very worried it could go badly. I am starting to think I want kids so badly that if he doesn't want kids it could end up with my searching for a partner who does, even though I love my partner dearly and I honestly can't imagine a better partner (or future potential father). He is so kind and gentle yet masculine in all the right ways and is a social worker that works with children.

It could be the case that all this time he is open to having kids but didn't want to put pressure on me, who knows. But my question is, what's the best way to go about discussing this with him and has anyone else been in a similar position?

Thanks in advance <3

Hi OP, having kids has been the best thing I ever did and DH and I cannot imagine our lives without them. Yes it is tiring and full on and stressful at times but nothing can compare with the love and joy they bring, and just sharing their wonder as they discover the world around them. When DH and I met we also had doubts about whether to have DC or not and I’m so glad we decided to. If I could change anything I would have had them younger as I do have less energy now since turning 40..

You are young though so have time on your side, and there’s time to mull things over with your DP. I guess you want to know whether or not he is open to the idea of kids though? (As this will shape your future planning.)
If it were me I would look to open up the topic with him gently and feel out his responses, do you know any other couples with babies/ children? Or family with kids you could chat with about?

Thank you for the response, this is reassuring. Yes I think for now I'll just talk to him about my being open to it and see how he responds. I have a big extended family with lots of kids and we often making jokes saying things like 'let's prepare for the kids' etc before we see them, so I think if he does want kids deep down he will be hiding it.

One of his school friends has recently had a baby and we hace visited a couple of times and he has held the baby and seemed to enjoy spending time with him. They were also talking about parenting strategies etc and he was very engaged, so maybe there's more hope that what I thought. I think I'm going to chat with my mum today to get more advice on how to approach it. Thanks again!