My partner wants to have a baby and I’m unsure

[Bubbletea125]

My partner wants to have a baby but I’m on the unsure side. I already have a 4 year old and he has previously nearly became a dad but at the time he was not ready and him and his ex decided to have an abortion

He said it feels right and he doesn’t want to wait any longer because of his age. But I’m unsure, I am financially fine I work 40 hours and get above average yearly salary. He is not earning the amount he would like to be earning, so is not in the best financial situation. He is on the side of he will do whatever he has to do so we can have a baby. And I’m on the side of I’m doing alright with a 4 year old a full time job and keeping up with my responsibility’s. I said to him I would not be able to work as much as I am and have two kids. He is saying he will do what it takes to ensure we have money that I don’t have to work that much. But ln my mind I know If his plan fails I will be working a full time job with two kids as I work from home and I will be ran ragged, while he’s working in the office. Plus my job is a good job, I don’t think it’s wise to leave without certainty.

He gets upset as he believes he can achieve this and that I am not fully sure about what he’s saying

am I being unreasonable and has anyone got any advice ?

are you married? without that, you don't have much security. how old are you both? do you want another baby in a few years time or never?

Don’t do it. Are you married. It doesn’t sound like he can afford to support a child.

How long have you been dating? Do you want to parent two kids, possibly alone, if the relationship breaks down?
Your boyfriends wants don't really matter, it's you who would be risking your life, body, mental health, career etc. to gestate, birth and raise another kid, so your wants must be centred.

Just saw you would consider quitting employment- absolutely do not do this, never sacrifice your pension and earnings for a man, without a marriage contract you'd be leaving yourself utterly dependent the man.

It sounds like you don't want to so don't. If I'd had another child there is no way I could have afforded the childcare as a single mum.
So I only had one.
What if he can't cope snd leaves. Then all the extra work and expense will be on you.

We are not married and in my opinion I’m not bothered to be or not. Financially I am good on my own so I always have that peace of mind. I can afford to have two kids but he can’t. I don’t want that responsibility on my shoulders to provide if he can’t. As I feel the main responsibility of raising kids falls on the mother. My perspective of this usually upsets him as he says he is here and will be hands on. But I can just see us having a baby and him becoming super stressed because he can’t afford and then me blowing up and the main financial and parents burden falling on me

He sounds like a man child who has no idea what being a dad means. Does he bring anything to your relationship or is he just another burden?

Yeah, don't have a kid with this man, just stick to fun dates.

Don’t. He can walk away if he doesn’t like being a parent, you can’t if it doesn’t work out.

@reesespieces123 he is lovely man with a good heart. He cooks and cleans in turns with me. It’s just financially he’s not where he wants or needs to be

Men often say theyll be hands on though don’t they then step back until the kids hits two and is more fun.

I think you're wise to be very cautious, @Bubbletea125 . If he's willing to do whatever it takes to provide and make it work, why isn't he doing that already? You're the one who'll be bearing all the risks, as you say. I wonder why his ex changed her mind.

I don’t know how to say it without attacking his situation. Yes I would love another baby but I just know it’s not gonna happen without me putting myself out

How long have you been together and how old is he?

He wants a baby. He has the idealistic view that he wants to be a dad. You are happy as is. It's your body, your career, the impact on your current child. He isn't earning enough (yet).
Will he step up & be a full on dad? Or will he decide it's too hard when problems happen & waltz off into the sunset leaving you to deal with everything?
Maybe give yourselves a year. He has a year to increase his earnings, get in a better financial position & have savings for you both to cover maternity leave. Does he realise how much childcare costs?
He has a year to prove he CAN provide for a child, not just come up with vague statements of "well I will do something". A year for you both to think about it.

This is sound advice.