Ah! What should I do? Go for the 3rd.

[StillTrying10000]

I’ve got a two year old girl and an eight month old boy after years of fertility treatment and 7 rounds of IVF. I should be happy my family is complete but all I can think about is having a third. I think about it constantly with my whole soul.
My husband thinks it’s a bad idea, my parents think it’s a terrible idea. But would be supportive if I insisted.
Logistically I have a spare bedroom, but would need a bigger car, I’ve just been made redundant so will be off work for 18 months anyway trying to make my pay last as long as possible.

What should I do?
Any of you ever regret having three or glad you didn’t go for more even though you considered it?
I wish I felt content but I just can’t shake this.
Thank you!

I have three and it's challenging in many ways, not least financially.

I don't think I'd put myself through IVF again though, if I were you? I'm 62 and my kids keep either coming back home or have never left in their 20s!! I never saw that one coming.

Unless your age is against you I would at least wait until you have another job and qualify for maternity leave. Your two are so very little! We ended up paying for childcare for 18 years which really messed up our finances.

Nobody can tell you what you should do tbh. You just need to list out the pros and cons. I had two miscarriages on the way to DC3, and I ruled out IVF from the outset. It took 3.5 years to conceive DC1 and I was months away from the consultant putting me on the IVF list. I'd have done it for #1 and #2 but wouldn't have considered it for #3.

Honest opinion? I think I would quit while I was ahead. Your DH isn't on board anyway.

Let your body heal.

All I can tell you is that I couldn't shake that feeling and I had a third child. I've never regretted it, not for a minute.

But, and it's a big one, I was still quite young, I didn't need IVF and my DH was on board after a bit of persuasion.

Best of luck, whatever you decide.

@mainecooncatonahottinroof @DramaAlpaca thank you for your thoughts. Really helpful thinking points.
Weirdly I think having to do IVF makes it easier for me to consider because I have 4 genetically tested embryos in the freezer, it’s 10 days of drugs, then a quick trip to London by myself to TTC. x

I cannot bring myself to say I regret the children I have but I would not recommend having 3. Not be use of the baby/toddler stage but because of the older/teen stage and beyond.

My advice would be to only go for one embryo. I had natural pregnancies and felt the way you do after 2 DC, but when we went for number 3 it turned out to be twins, and going from 2 to 4 is pretty tough, especially when the older two are still so young.

Other than that, if you can get your DH on board then go for it. You don’t feel finished and clearly you want a busy and bustling family life, and there is a lot that is good about that 😊

Contrasting opinion but I couldn't shake the idea of a third, I'm one of 3 etc. Had quite an emotional couple of years where i couldnt shake the urge. Husband didnt want another but would support me and ttc if i really wanted to, my parents also advised stop at 2 since I'd had two hard pregnancies and 3 is a lot. Anyway, I the end my head won and I didn't have a third. They're now 7 and 5 and actually I'm absolutely delighted we didn't, we can go on great adventures, afford day trips, the odd holiday etc. Everyone has their own room and we also have a sofa bed for guests. Didn't have to stretch on cars etc.

I think the first thing you need to do is discuss again with your DH to fully understand his view point - is it deep seated or just a knee jerk initial reaction ? If he is unwilling to change his view from it’s a bad idea then that’s your answer. You can’t assume he will change his mind if you do go for number 3 and this could cause untold damage to your family and your DC which could ultimately result in you becoming a single parent to 3. You also need to consider that while the embryos are genetically tested this can’t rule out everything including ND - how do you think you would be able to cope if your 3rd had physical or mental disabilities ? Having recently been made redundant and using your pay to last as long as possible how does this affect your family finances - what would happen if you had some unexpected emergency - home repairs etc. Sorry if this all sounds negative but if it were me I would be thinking long and hard about the impact a 3rd child would / could have on your family and be happy with my existing family, especially as you have had to go through IVF to get your family.

@Tulipsanddaffodils3 thank you, helpful to know you don’t regret the decision in the long run x

I have 3, my third wasn't planned and conceived after secondary infertility and 2 miscarriages before my second. It is hard work (small age gaps), we had to get a new car, it’s more expensive to do anything but I wouldn’t change DC3 for the world and I’m happy I have 3. In fact he has made me want a 4th (more than I wanted a third after my second)!!! But I know that would be a very bad idea, plus DH had the snip!

Yeah I honestly don't regret it at all, I'm really happy with the 'next stage' we're in. I also know I would have been delighted with a third and obviously would have loved the baby, but I'm truly content with my family and am relieved I stuck at 2 for our circumstances. Like others said, yours are teeny just now, lots of time to think it over and discuss with your husband. Writing a list of pros and cons helped me too and I kept it on my phone to look at or add to whenever.