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Feeling sad about husband’s vasectomy plans

13 replies

Newusername12349 · 02/04/2025 14:41

I kind of just want to get this off my chest and see if anyone else has felt like this. I recently got pregnant with our third child, a little earlier than planned but we are both buzzing. The plan was always three and then the snip, but I’m feeling kind of sad. It feels very final and that it’s the end of us having kids.
In my last pregnancy I did go a little loopy and cried a lot, so I think it’s also that. It’s just the thought that we won’t be able to have anymore children makes me sad. I know I don’t really have a right to be sad because this was literally the plan, but 26 just feels very young to be final about being done having children. I don’t think I’ll say anything to him, because his body his choice, but he has already noticed I’m upset. I don’t think we need to have four children, 3 all under 6 will be more than enough. We have DD 5 and DS 3, so we have one of each.
If your husband has got the snip, were you sad?

OP posts:
RedJamDoughnut · 02/04/2025 15:33

Nope, was very happy for him to get it done.

ClarasSisters · 02/04/2025 15:46

Nope. I was relieved.

Livpool · 02/04/2025 15:51

I was thrilled when DH had his!

lovemycbf · 02/04/2025 15:52

I was very happy 😆

Yoheresthestory · 02/04/2025 15:53

Nope. Such freedom to shag!

heldinadream · 02/04/2025 15:54

Yes I was, and it's fine to be sad. In fact you can be sad, AND relieved, AND think it's the right decision. We're complicated creatures and you can have complex, contradictory emotions, especially about massive life-changing decisions like this one.
Take care of yourself @Newusername12349 💐

Elunajeya · 02/04/2025 15:55

I was the one pushing for DH to do it, it’s been the best thing he’s done

Marmite27 · 02/04/2025 15:55

DH had been told it would be about 8 months wait. He got a phone call the same week to say there was a cancellation, could he come in the Monday morning.

I was very pleased!

MummaMummaMumma · 02/04/2025 15:59

I was delighted! But, it was a joint decision that we both didn't want any more kids.
Having it done during pregnancy is risky. If you miscarry, would you still want a third?

Topseyt123 · 02/04/2025 16:00

My DH had his snip shortly after our third child was born. Both the child and the subsequent vasectomy were planned and agreed by both of us.

I was still a little sad actually, but I knew it was the right decision and also knew that we didn't want any more children either. I guess it just marked the full stop to my childbearing years. It's almost 23 years on now and I am so glad he got snipped.

LePetitMaman · 02/04/2025 16:05

We've got 3.

I was a little bit "oh, I guess that's pretty permanent" and felt a tingle of sadness at the time when DH had his. The youngest were 1 at the time.

Now knowing what it is to have 3DC and a proper career, and to have the resources to give each child the right time, attention, quality life, opportunity, education etc, there's no way 4 would be fair in our circumstances. That tinge of sadness is replaced with the reality that we are raising 3 children well, instead of raising 4, 5, 6 in a more disadvantaged way.

There'll be someone along soon to say that their 9 children who live in a shoe are the happiest children on the planet and how dare anyone suggest otherwise. But back in the real world, each child needs their own space, not crammed in a room with 2 others as their only respite from the main areas of the home, they need food, clothes, a good school, opportunities of further education, different school trips, different social activities, and critically your one to one time.

There are not enough hours in the day for all the things our children want or often just need to do. That's before you look at what DH or I might like to add in.

OP, your children are so small this hasn't really cropped up for you yet. It's not so much you'll be glad you've never had a 4th+ but you'll one day you'll be running one to ballet, with one at a tutor, another at a birthday party and suddenly realise that another little bod in the mix would be almost impossible.

Newusername12349 · 02/04/2025 16:51

MummaMummaMumma · 02/04/2025 15:59

I was delighted! But, it was a joint decision that we both didn't want any more kids.
Having it done during pregnancy is risky. If you miscarry, would you still want a third?

Oh no he’s getting it done after. He just been looking into it ahead, he does want to do his research and is pretty picky about someone taking a scalpel to his balls.

OP posts:
Newusername12349 · 02/04/2025 17:45

LePetitMaman · 02/04/2025 16:05

We've got 3.

I was a little bit "oh, I guess that's pretty permanent" and felt a tingle of sadness at the time when DH had his. The youngest were 1 at the time.

Now knowing what it is to have 3DC and a proper career, and to have the resources to give each child the right time, attention, quality life, opportunity, education etc, there's no way 4 would be fair in our circumstances. That tinge of sadness is replaced with the reality that we are raising 3 children well, instead of raising 4, 5, 6 in a more disadvantaged way.

There'll be someone along soon to say that their 9 children who live in a shoe are the happiest children on the planet and how dare anyone suggest otherwise. But back in the real world, each child needs their own space, not crammed in a room with 2 others as their only respite from the main areas of the home, they need food, clothes, a good school, opportunities of further education, different school trips, different social activities, and critically your one to one time.

There are not enough hours in the day for all the things our children want or often just need to do. That's before you look at what DH or I might like to add in.

OP, your children are so small this hasn't really cropped up for you yet. It's not so much you'll be glad you've never had a 4th+ but you'll one day you'll be running one to ballet, with one at a tutor, another at a birthday party and suddenly realise that another little bod in the mix would be almost impossible.

This is very helpful and made me put things in perspective. I am 1 of 6, both my parents are have 9 siblings so I always kind of assumed I would have a massive family. But realistically I think now I am a parent myself I want to provide a better life for my children than I had (my parents did great but I will say I never got one on one time with them). Also when my kids saw the house I grew up in, my DD was mortified at the thought of sharing a room, which was very funny. She definitely isn’t cut out for the lifestyle of having a big family 😂.

OP posts:
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