When did you know?.

[31andconfused]

Hi beautiful ladies/ gents

For context I'm 32 (33 this year) child free and in a long term relationship.

I'm in a constant battle with myself whether I want to have kids or not? I don't want to after 35 ( personal preference, no hate to those that do) which gives me not long to decide 😫

I got pregnant Feb 2022 and it was planned but I totally freaked out , panicked and had an abortion. My partner said he had never seen me so depressed and the sense of relief on my face when it was over was noticable. ( Honestly if I had opportuniy then to off myself I would of done, I've never felt so low in all my life)

Now 3 years on I'm scared. How did you know you was ready? What if I'm a terrible mother? What about child care so I can work? What about money? What if I don't get a moment to myself anymore ? What if I don't cope well ?
Honestly these plague mind every god dam day. I wish there was an easy way to make a decision 😫

Hey! Really valid questions. I have a 2 year old and second one due in a few weeks time.
Hmmm, honestly it's hard to say whether you are ready cause only you know that in your heart. The reality is parenting is one of those things that we don't know til we are in it. What I will say is assess your life. How much do you want a child? Are you longing? Do you feel like you will regret it if you don't have a least one?
I can answer one of the questions, I'll be real, your free time really diminishes, it is a sacrifice and it takes time to adjust to life about yourself to life with a child. But I can also say, it really does fly by. Newborn is tough but so so short. There might be low times but the highs are very high. As with everything in life we can't plan everything to a T. You'll figure things out financially as you go on.

Community is a BIG one. Do you have family around that will love the child and be willing to babysit/help on a long term basis? That changes that game. It really does. It's exhausting just both parents and you do need breaks to regenerate but again, my little one is 2 and is really is the case of it gets a little easier as they get older. And from what I have read and been told, most people agree that early years and teenage years are the most tricky but again, they are just phases and the love for the child really carries you through.

Lastly, maybe one child would suit you and your partner if you felt is was SUPER overwhelming but as the child gets older, you'll probably feel peace that you wouldn't have to go through it again? But that's just my opinion based on limited information about you.

I hope you figure it out and above all seek support if you do have a child and are struggling cause you would definitely pull through!😊

I honestly don't think there is ever a perfect, 'right' time. The more you think about it, the more reasons you will find to put you off - finances, job, housing, relationship etc. There is always another big event or holiday or celebration to wait for. If you are an anxious person or an overthinker you will always find a negative.

I was with my first husband from age 22 to 36 and genuinely never wanted children. I enjoyed my lifestyle of travel and building my career, looking back I was very selfish but I thought i was happy at the time. Everyone around me was settling down and it just felt so strange to me. As it happens, I'm so pleased we didn't have kids together as it ended really badly .

After we split, I ended up going on a few dates with an old acquaintance and very unexpectedly fell pregnant within the first 2 months of dating! Such a crazy time, not planned at all but it really made me question my entire life and future and I decided to keep the baby regardless of how things turned out relationship wise. I had my first DD aged 37.

Fast forward nearly 5 years and I am now married to that same man and 39 weeks pregnant at 42 years of age with DD2! Absolutely not how I would have planned my life at all or even imagined it would be if you had asked me 10 years ago when I didn't want kids full stop, let alone in my late 30's/40's.

Life has a very funny way of working out just as it is meant to regardless of our best laid plans and I have no regrets whatsoever. I wouldn't have made a good mum in my 20's or early 30's but the life I lived then and experiences (good and bad) led me exactly to where I am now and I wouldn't change my beautiful family for the world.

We picked a date a few months in advance to start trying. As it approached we both realised we really weren't ready and the relief to mutually park the idea was amazing. We picked another date a year or so later and that time it somehow felt right, especially compared to the previous attempt.