Desperate for more

[mamap14]

Hi all,
I’m not sure if this is the right section to post this on but looking for some help & advice on where to look, if even such a thing exists!
we have 3 amazing children but am desperate for another. I’ve always been very maternal and wanted babies from a young age, my children are my everything. My husband is a lot older than I am & our youngest is 1; he’s totally against having any more for reasons I completely understand (his age, wanting to give the 3 we have his all & not the focus off of them, current 3 are super lucky to their own bedrooms & 2 would have to share etc etc) everything he says makes complete sense however I am so desperate for another. I think if I was able to say to him I’ve always wanted 4 & I know I’d be done if we had just one more then it may be a different story, but I can’t - I’ll probably still want another again & again! He’s so understanding and supportive when I get upset (which is multiple times a week!!) about it, I often ball my eyes out to him and he holds me and tells me he’s sorry he just can’t do it again. I get it and I’ve agreed no more, but I think I need some kind of counselling or someone to help me get over this feeling; I can’t go on feeling the way I do, my heart aches for another & every time I see a new born my heart breaks because I know there’s no more! Has any one ever experienced this and gotten over it or can recommend a specific counsellor to help with this, as I don’t know how I’m ever going to get over this and not feel the way I do. I’m so unbelievably grateful and lucky for the 3 I have and have accepted no more, I just need help getting over it😢

No I never got over wanting "one more" however I have a strong belief that children should be wanted ny both parents and I knew dh was not on board. Mine are in their 20s now and in truthnid have one more if I could (nature has now said nope)

It was hard to learn to cope with but I do adore my 4. I am proud of the adults they have become.

If your husband is a lot older, that increases the risk of having a neurodiverse child, could be mild through to severe. Would you be able to cope with this plus 3 other children, financially and emotionally.
Really if your husband doesn't want a fourth then realistically you've got to stick at 3.

Absolutely this, I’d never ever force him to have another and would want him on board too! My heart just aches 😔

Just to note my husband is a lot older than ME, not in general. I have accepted no more. I’m just looking for advice of how to deal with it

Whilst you are "bawling your eyes out" over wanting another child, you are not enjoying the ones you have got!!

You must seek help to let this go. You do not want to finish up like that poor deluded woman on "22 children .."

It sounds as though your OH is being very patient.

He’s a lot older than me, not in general for child bearing age but yes, I would be able to cope; financially and otherwise. I’ve accepted no more, just looking for ways to deal with and process it

3 is more than enough

We work for ourself and are both home all day every day with our youngest so we do enjoy her and I cherish every moment with her; especially as I know how quickly they grow. The other 2 older & in school full time. Yes my husband is patient and understands how I feel. Like I said, I’m looking for advice on how to cope with how I’m feeling & help myself, not be belittled or told I don’t need any more and should be grateful for what I have. If I could flick a switch and not feel so sad about it all the time I would.

Sorry, my last comment sounds lots harsher than I meant it to! It’s a very sensitive subject for me and I tend to take everything to heart

Maybe try Relates counselling. Its always good to chat to a specialist. I am feeling similar sometimes but only a little bit... then I think about all the travelling I can do when kids are all grown up & move out, all the joy I can potentially have with my potential grandchildren...

All the best dear OP

no it does not sounds harsh at all.... you clearly said you respect your DH wishes & you just want advice on how to cope...

yet some MN members think they need to re- explain the situation to you.. wtf

if you say so

Thank you so much, this is what I’m trying to focus on, it’s just hard sometimes. Our youngest is a handful, bless her and I do have some days where I’m like absolutely no chance but not many where I feel like that!😂 I just love babies & I have so much love to give!🥰

Thank you for this comment! X

If you need to I am sure you can find ways to be around babies in some voluntary or work capacity when your youngest is older. Look into the possibilities ready for the future. That might make you feel better - having some sort of plan.

All my 3 little ones are now big ones with families of their own and I have found new outlets and compensations for each stage of life. Never forget how much they need you at each stage - they may not be as cute as babies but there are joys in each stage. Seeing them turn into young adults with their own personalities is fascinating and wonderful.

Just enjoy them in the here and now!!!

I came to say similar to the previous poster. There might be ways to have babies in your life and support other women becoming mothers that would be a good fit for you - midwife, childminder, nursery worker, or maybe foster parent when your children have grown.
There are lots of stages of life to enjoy yet!

I can't get my head around why you are feeling so sad when you already have 3 young children, one not even at school yet.. can't you be happy with what you've got considering so many people can't have any?