WWYD- 2 under 2?

[Mrsttcno1]

Hi, really hoping for some advice from anyone who has had 2 under 2, or even just some advice on what you think you would do in our situation. It’s a big decision that we are discussing daily and any outside insight would be useful!

The short version is we have a 6 month old baby currently and since giving birth have found out about a medical issue I have, a procedure is needed which will (in theory) entirely get rid of this problem, and consultant has said the latest they would be happy to so it is August next year. The only reason they’d be happy to delay, due to risks involved of leaving it long term, is if I was pregnant at the time. If I was pregnant next August then it would be done after I’d given birth.

This procedure doesn’t pose any risk to my life, it’s not dangerous in that sense, but due to the area it is in it can impact fertility, essentially it makes it more difficult to fall pregnant, it increases risk of miscarriage, pre term labour and stillbirth.

So, we have always wanted 2 children, that was always the plan, always planned on a small-ish age gap but we were thinking 2.5-3 years if we could choose. We now find ourselves in a position where we either try for a baby sooner than we originally planned, with the aim that we’d hopefully conceive & have our second next year and then have the procedure so the impact on fertility wouldn’t be an issue as we don’t plan on having any more than 2 children, OR we stick with our original plan of 3 year ish age gap but accept that might mean after this procedure we struggle and may be unable to have a 2nd child.

We are fortunate in that financially we are okay either way, we have a 3 bedroom house so space isn’t an issue, this is purely a decision to be made based on how we think we would manage/juggle having 2 very young children at the same time. Any advice really appreciated! X

Personally I'd go for another sooner. I don't think I'd cope with the what if we can't have another. But it's a really personal choice

Thank you @Amicompletelyinsane that is ultimately where our head is at. I don’t really feel 100% ready to be pregnant again, in an ideal world we would wait until our daughter is about 18 months, but if the alternative is waiting and then being unable to have another then I think I’d regret that more.

My husband is keen for us to have another, he really wants a sibling for our daughter and he is an amazing dad to her and an amazing husband to me, but he does say it is ultimately me who has final say as it’s me who has to go through pregnancy, birth & postpartum again so soon. It’s a really tough one!

I've had two under two and yeah it's tough for a bit but lovely to have them close in age. They are into the same things etc for outings. It's lovely as they grow.

@Amicompletelyinsane how did you find pregnancy with a young baby already if you don’t mind me asking? That is really one of my biggest concerns!

That’s a tricky one.

Would you be going back to work at all, or would you have an extended maternity leave?

Would you have any childcare for your eldest?

It’s doable but not necessarily enjoyable!

It's tough having a baby (or being pregnant) and having a toddler, but I don't think it's massively harder with a young toddler than one a couple of years older. Two to three year olds are hard in a different way! Go for it OP.

I would go for it. We have a similar gap to what you would have. It was short term pain of madness and chaos for the first year, but since then definitely long term gain. They've entertained each other and grew through similar interests so it was actually much easier for us and they never lacked a companion. They are teens now and still very close.

Also the small gap meant that my career was impacted over a shorter window.

It does come down to what you'd regret more and that's a very personal thing when it comes to families.

18m between my two.

I remember changing my toddlers nappy, popping him on his feet to wander off before doing the same for my newborn. Popped my newborn on his feet on auto pilot. He didn't toddle off!

It's challenging but I really enjoyed it.

Yes I’d be going back to work, my “official” return date is 3rd Feb, using a months annual leave so I will be actually back working start of March and our daughter will be in nursery the 3 days a week I’m working (reduced my hours to 0.8 then condensed into 3 days).

Due to another explorative procedure for the same issue in December we’d be looking to start trying after Christmas so if we were lucky and I fell pregnant quickly I’d still have 6/7 months back at work, would be entitled to SMP & employer’s maternity pay again as well.

We’d still send my eldest to nursery, and my parents love having her and are desperate to have her more as it is, they also know about this situation and have said they’d be there to support however and whenever needed.

It’s a hard one!

This is really helpful thank you!