Should we have a baby

[JJCJ]

I’m 38 partner 35 we’ve known each other 15+ years as friends and both divorced. I have teenagers, and he doesn’t have children. I always wanted more children but convinced myself after time it wouldn’t happen, animals/holidays were the way to go. We got together and I now feel it could happen, he doesn’t have any children and would make an amazing dad. Am I being silly? My kids are almost grown up, we are able to go off and do what we want when we want but what’s to say he would resent me in the future for him not having kids?
Ive read a few posts of people saying they wouldn’t “start again” but surely your kids teens or adults are always your babies?
I really am craving the mummy baby pregnancy feeding scenario, but am I too old? Am I going to regret it will my body ache more? More tired?

You're certainly not too old, but you should probably be asking him what he wants, not the internet. He might say "absolutely fucking not" and that sort of puts paid to that idea doesn't it?

I'll also say - you obviously want a baby - but do you want a toddler? A child? A moody, door slamming teenager as you enter your 50's? Genuinely consider if this is just hormones going babybabybaby, which we can actually ignore if we want to, or if you have a genuine desire for another child and all the trials and tribulations that come with them. My daughter is 16, she'll always be my baby, but I absolutely would not do it all again now I'm in my 30's. I'm ready for my new chapter now.

Also how will your teens feel about a baby? You don't need their permission of course, but it will be disruptive to them - are they doing GCSEs, A-Levels etc? Consider the impact it may have on them too.

I'm not trying to throw a damper on your party, I would just urge you to think of it as more than just "having a baby". It's committing yourself (and your partner) to the whole cycle again until at least your 50's, probably your 60's. If that brings you joy and is what you both want then absolutely go for it!

I started again sort of. Had an adult child and had a baby (menopause surprise) and it is amazing and exhausting in equal measure! Being older really does make it harder, I am so tired by the end of the day, however, the love and joy our child brings is enormous. Alas the nice lie ins and holidays have gone.

@MonsteraMama he would love a baby. He talks about babies and children a lot and wonders what a baby from us both would look like etc.
Im asking the internet because I just dont know, I was 20 when I had my 1st child, my body was completely different. My attitude to life completely different.
As you say a baby is completely different to a toddler and a moody teenager slamming doors. Once you have gone past 1 stage another begins and I kind of feel like you almost forget everything that happened during that stage? so reminders for me are great, I actually thought the baby/toddler years were much easier then teenagers but I was a single parent through that with no help or back up at all.
my friends keep telling me I’m mad to want a baby and I shouldn’t be listening to my biological clock ticking away “baby baby baby”
Thanks for your reply.

I think it would also be worth considering the impact it would have on your almost adult children. It will change your relationship with them.

You’re not too old but my concern would be your existing children. They beed you around to help them with A Level-
/college/uni choices, open days, job applications, navigating adulthood etc, not playing happy families with a new baby. The age gap is huge and they wouldn’t have much of a normal bond.

I started again to an extent. My kids were 11 and 7 when we had a third. I adore him but it's hard. Really hard!

@JJCJ I am in a similar position, in 34, DP is 39. My DD is 14 and my partner has a 5yr old DD who lives with us 50/50 so we are kinda still in the school run/holidays with kids bit but also have time alone as adults when little is at her mums and my DD is with her dad or friends for a night.

The way I see it, I was pretty much a single parent to my DD and she had my all bless her and is an incredible young lady. So I feel that her younger years wouldn’t be impacted by a young sibling - she loves DSD - she is independent has a lovely life. So a new baby would be a change for her but maybe not as much as even the 5yr old as her needs are not as demanding - it is a very tricky one!