im not sure if abortion is right for me

[Tilly387]

hello, I found out in pregnant 2 days ago, and according to my last period I’m about 4 weeks now. When I told my partner that I was pregnant he wasn’t happy and said that we weren’t ready. Which I understand, because I can’t work due to my mental health and he’s only been able to find agency work at the moment so we’re not in the best place financially but we manage really well with what we have. He said he wanted to have our own home first (we’re renting atm) and that he wanted to have at least some savings and that if the circumstances were different he would have been happy. I have contacted BPAS for some counselling as I’m not sure what to do but even that is stressing me out because I really don’t know what to expect and I’ve never been in a situation like this before. I want to keep this baby but my partner doesn’t and was really upset, and I really really do see his point of view and he has been lovely about it, I want to make it clear that he isn’t pushing me to have an abortion, he just thinks it would be the best option at this time and we can always try again when we’re in a better place. We’ve had a conversation and he’s said that if I carried on with the pregnancy he would still be here for me and he wouldn’t leave but I don’t want him to resent me for it and I don’t want him to be thrown into a life he isn’t ready for. I don’t know what to do or what to expect and I feel so alone. I told my mum and she said it was ultimately my decision and that she would support me either way, but she doesn’t want to see me suffer if I choose to have an abortion that I don’t really want. But I can see my partners side of it, and I just feel stuck. Does anyone have any advice? And does anyone have any experience with BPAS? Thank you so much

There's no way of saying this without being rude - you're not well enough to work so how do you imagine taking care of a child 24/7 will impact your mental health? Being a parent is relentless. Joyful but also relentless. Take a hard look at your capacity before you consider having a child. Quite apart from the finances, babies tend to be cheap because mostly people get gifted stuff. Children and teens aren't so cheap 😊. Think longer term not just about a newborn. It's your decision to make but be realistic, you may well end up doing it alone.

OP no one can tell you what to do but a couple of things to consider. Would you be able to cope if your partner left and didn't contribute financially? Is your mental health such that it wouldn't prevent you from carrying out the very demanding work of looking after a baby and everything that involves?

Your mum said she would support you which is great.

I understand that, that was also another reason why we were considering it. I don’t want to bring a child up if I’m going to struggle because ultimately no child deserves that. I don’t want to go in depth on why I’m not able to work but it is definitely one of the reasons. I know children aren’t easy work, I’ve been around them my whole life and they deserve an environment where they can thrive. I have a good support system, but I know that’s not enough because at the end of the day I’m going to be the main carer for them, and even though I want more than anything to be ready I know that in reality I’m most probably not and wanting something isn’t enough reason for having it. It’s just really breaking my heart and I just wish everything was perfect and that we were ready. I honestly just feel irresponsible and like a horrible person

I think I would struggle if my partner wasn’t there to help but I could manage. I do get money and I’m the one who pays the rent and bills, and I do have money left over after that, not a massive amount but it’s enough to get by. My partner does contribute by sending me money weekly to cover any other costs and for food shopping but he’s only been able to find agency work currently so sometimes there are points where he isn’t able to contribute so much. But he does try and save when he can so that when he doesn’t have work he still has money left over. I know it’s not an ideal situation, and I feel like I’m trying to justify things because I really do want to have this baby but I know I need to face the facts. My mum is amazing in the support she gives, my whole family are really. If I ever need anything they’re always there and they have helped me so so much over the years. I know my partners parents would be supportive too, they’ve wanted a grandchild for a long time. Me and my partner have been together 6 years, and his family really are great too but I know if it came down to my partner not wanting to be involved then they wouldn’t be either. He said he wouldn’t abandon me, but I know it’s different when it actually happens and I just don’t know what to do