I want a third, husband doesn't

[Mumtoboys1719]

So I am 38, my husband is 36. We've been together 14 years, married for 9. Still very happily married.

We have 2 boys - 7 & 5. Our 5 year old has Down Syndrome which came as a big shock when he was born and we had some difficult times with his diagnosis in the beginning.

Anyway before we had children I'd always said I'd like 4 kids and he said he'd like 2. I've still said I'd like another one since our last was born but knew it would be a bit longer as it's been harder work in some respects due to his delayed development. My husband always said he wasn't ready yet so I left it.

For the past year or so though my husband has said he really doesn't want any more children which has been so hard to hear and I've been praying he would change his mind but he still hasn't and is more determined that he doesn't want another.

I feel like I'm running out of time as 40 would be my cut off for having a third but I don't think he's going to change his mind. I know one of us is going to have to back down but I feel I will regret not having another more than he would regret having another as I know he would love the baby completely.

I don't want to look back and feel sad and bitter about it. Obviously I adore the children I have and I know how lucky I am to have an amazing family so I don't want to sound like I don't appreciate what I've got already.

It's just difficult as I'm finding it so hard every time I see other babies or anyone pregnant etc.

Do I just need to let it go and move on with my family?

I can understand his point of view, he's always said 2 - no surprises for you and i imagine a lot of worry and perhaps medical issues for your youngest DC which have added to his concerns. It's ok to only want 2 children.

Equally you've always been clear you wanted more, you're older and the one to carry the baby. It's very hard to hear no.

You can accept this or 'accidentally' fall pregnant but why risk the family life you have now? Sometimes you just have to be grateful for what you have got.

If one person in a couple doesn’t want any more, that’s it. Or you need to leave and start again.

Don't dupe your husband into a pregnancy as PP suggested! What an awful thing to do to a spouse!

I think you just have to make your feelings known regularly and keep having the conversation and see if he changes his mind, over the next couple of years. If he doesn't, well, that's that. You have to respect his feelings on this, nobody should have a child they don't want. He may change his mind, he may not. Either way you have a lovely family unit as you say.

Essentially you have 2 options, you let it go, or you break up and find another person to have a 3rd baby with. The latter likely isn't feasible for many reasons, but is your prerogative. You can't force someone to have a baby they don't want, there isn't really anyway to compromise here. I don't even think you can get especially upset considering he has always been open on his stance, it's not even as if he has changed his mind which would be reasonable anyway.

If he doesn't want another child it's not fair to try to push him into having one anyway. Having a child is a two-yes, one-no scenario. If you're not both totally on board then it's not fair to bring a child into the world. I understand that it's hard to come to terms with things not working out the way you had hoped, but it sounds like he's always been honest with you about only wanting two kids.

You need to be prepared to enjoy life with 2 children.
But I also think you need, if you haven't already to have a proper thorough discussion about why you want another, and give even weight to your stance.