New partner is suddenly afraid of getting a second (his first) child

[CrunchyChips]

We are 35 and 42 yo, but not even a full year togehter. I have a 3 yo DD. First he want to have a second one, before we are getting too old.. After trying 3 monthes for getting pregrant, he blocked immediatelly and want me to work fulltime, to beeing more independend from him. His mum told him to wait 2 or more years and beeing married before getting a child with me. She did not like me very much either.

The court costs and lawyer costs are very, very high to keep connected to my daughter. I it not possible for a single mum to get through this, even if i have a good payed job. Living with my new frind was the only option to financially keep her.

I asked him, if he wants to break up, but he means, no it just to fast. He has no relationship before this long way...

The sudden change of his mind, looks like to break up slowly.
Time is running out for me. So i'm not sure what to do.

1. Keep him, and try to get through this, even if i dont have a child with him
2. Keep him and give up the fight at the court, and try to start a normal life without kids (maybe getting pregnant at 5 years later at the age of 40, if possible)
3. Break up and try to find another possiblity to beeing a happy single mum of 1.5 kids

I love my daughter, and beeing very happy to be a mum.

I don't think I have understood your post in full but what I will say is that your existing child should be your priority before anything else. She is more important than this man and more important than the potential for any more future children who may or may not ever materialise.

I think he is right - it’s all going very fast , haven’t been together a year and being trying for 3 months !!! Eek

Personally I’d focus on getting the court case for your DD sorted first before adding a partner and another child to your life. Does your DD live with you now?

get Your own house in order before you try to expand your family. That may mean you have no more children. That is life.

your boyfriend does not need to subsidize you. Your existing child and your legal troubles are your responsibility.

he is very wise to put ttc on hold.

You’ve been together a year and were planning a child?

Thats far too fast. Sort your own life out before creating more problems.

You haven't even been together for one year. Most people haven't introduced their new partners to their existing children by that stage let alone planning a child with them. I think his mother is right to have reservations, you're pushing for too much too soon. You barely know this man. Focus on the child you have already.

And your implication that you can only afford to keep your child by staying with this man? What court costs are associated with keeping your own child? There's more going on here.

My daughter is living with us part time. If my ex does something with her once, he is going to curt to do this evertyime. Once it was this way, the task would not come back to me.

I am afraid of beeing a mum for not too long. They made a family park out of their home if my DD is visiting him. But most times his mum is carring about the daughter, he self only shows up for magazines, facebook, instagram or other public stuff.

They told me, that he wants our daughter to 100%, and will do all to break me.

.. So i want to have a normal family, with a normal guy, in a normal way.
.. yeah, if i have the opportunity to wait several years, great! But most of my friends didnt get a baby after 35.. they give up.

I’m sorry your life is difficult but that’s no reason to have a child.

Are there partners, who regret their decision to postpone the child thing?
We read to much posts of peope who are to old, thats why we start trying it..

Are there any partner, who are getting a child togheter very late successfully? Is this a very hard way?

How long would you prefere to stay togheter, if you are older and time is short to have an own family?

You’re 35. There’s plenty of time.