Am I mad to consider this?

[DeterminedWanderer]

TLDR: I know my marriage is ending, should I still try to get pregnant.

My DH has accepted a job abroad and I won’t be going with him, he thinks we’ll join him next year (myself and 3 y/o DS). He’s basically forcing my hand by taking this job but for various other reasons leading up to this situation I want out of the marriage.
Trouble is I would like a second child (he would too), but is it unreasonable to try and get pregnant knowing I’m not interested in the marriage any longer?
Reasons I want another now is I don’t want to wait for the possibility of another relationship and it being too late (I’m 37), and I would want to do it before my son is “too old”. I also want both my children to have the same father where possible.
DH wasn’t the most present father when DS was born so his potential absence if a new baby comes along doesn’t make much of a difference to me as I also thankfully have quite the proverbial village who support me.

Happy for any comments in support or against, what have I not considered and will having two make it harder for a new relationship?

Well of course two will make it harder to have a new relationship, especially as one will be a baby.

It would be pretty mad to do this, but certainly without your husband knowing it would be appalling.

Wanting a second child isn’t a reason to have one unless you have the resources to look after it, and if you’re going to be lone parenting then you would be better to focus on the child you have while you sort yourself out and you and your ex to be sort out co-parenting.

Your son needs a parent and a steady home before he needs a sibling, divorces can be very messy and it may take a good while to steady the shop - it’s not in his interests for you to be pregnant or looking after a baby while you do it.

So, other than yourself, are you thinking about anyone else in this scenario? You know, like the kids?

Is the parent choosing to move to a different continent thinking about anyone else? He will be as present or absent as he chooses to be, the kid(s) will always have me so of course I’m thinking about them. I want my son to have a sibling. Is that so unreasonable other than the fact that the timing is not right?

Have another child is for you not your DS.

Many siblings do not get on, younger child could have a significant disability. Resources will be more stretched etc.

You need to be clear that a 2nd child when ending your marriage is for YOU.