Should I have a second child?

[NancyB38]

Wondering if anyone has any advice. We have a lovely 2 year old girl who brings us a lot of joy. But having her has also been extremely hard. She was just 1800g when we left hospital with her so feeding and sleep were both really difficult for months and she cried a lot as a baby. I think I'm quite scarred by the experience. She is now in terrible twos as well which we struggle with sometimes. My partner is great but my daughter has been very mommy focussed so she's often not wanted him to do things for her which has left him feeling rejected and put a lot of pressure on me. We also both have busy and stressful full-time jobs with a long commute.

We are wrestling with whether to have a second child. We want her to have a sibling, and I think I also worry that if I don't have another I'll regret it. I'm 38 so I feel like there's not much time left, but I also feel like I'm just getting back to myself and the thought of going back to square one really scares me and I worry that I'll be overwhelmed and my relationship with my partner will suffer. I'm worried that if I have a second child it will be more out of fear that others will think my daughter is spoiled or selfish than because I really want another. But then I also worry that it's selfish of me to not give her a sibling. (I have three siblings myself and can't imagine being an only child).

Any advice from people who've chosen to just have one child or from people who have more would be much appreciated!

[muddlingthrou]

All I can say is that we're about to go through IVF in the hopes of conceiving another child even though I had a terrible pregnancy first time around, DD was a colicky nightmare as a newborn, and I ended up with PND and PNA 😳

Suffice to say, after all that, I still want another... if you're not that sure, maybe just one is right for you. Your child will be fine whichever option you choose, so make the decision for you.

[FurnellaFurchester]

I have no advice but very much in the same boat. 38 as well and only just feeling really settled into myself after my first.

Terrified of embarking on the rollercoaster again and how old I will be (or feel) on the other side of it but equally terrified of my fertility going and not taking the opportunity while I know I can. I have other complications as my little one has a disability (very recently diagnosed)

Sorry I’m no help, but you’re not on your own.

[nopenotplaying]

All babies are different. You always find a way and inner strength to cope. Go for it if it's what you want, there is never a perfect time to have a baby. It could take you a while to conceive, it could be quicker you never know and can't assume it will happen. You'll be ok xx

[Crichella]

I understand the guilt. My DD is 4 and we're pretty happy not having another but I still feel guilty she won't have a sibling. I feel a bit selfish really.
It's hard isn't it?

[Eejitmum101]

I am so conflicted too! I have a 13m year old and don’t no if I want another baby , and I can’t leave it too long either as I’ll be 40 in 3 yrs!

[Imtiredx100]

I have 2 one 9 and one 5 now, I have always wanted 2 and glad I did! Although we had a 4 year age gap which worked well for us!

Would never have a third though!