Does tubal ligation / sterilisation come with a stigma?

[SK28]

I'm pregnant with a much-wanted fourth baby. This will also be a fourth csection. My head knows that that having my tubes tied at the same time as the csection is the sensible decision (we never wanted more than four children, I don't want to take the physical risks of a fifth csection, and I also don't want to be in a position of having to consider options if I were to become pregnant again). I imagine I will grieve a little for my fertility despite all this, and I'm prepared for that. But I am struggling also with a worry that choosing sterilisation has a stigma around it. Rationally I know that I wouldn't judge anyone making the same (or different!) choice, and I know it shouldn't matter. But I just find myself worrying about what people would/will think.

How would they even know?!?

There's no stigma around sterilisation when you already have four children. If anyone did find out, which seems extremely unlikely, their only thought is likely to be that it's about time.

It's not obvious from the outside you know!

Nobody will have a clue unless you tell them!

I have never heard or read of any stigma around sterilisation and I had one 20 years ago! It's a very sensible option. Nobody will judge because nobody needs to know, and why would you care anyway?

I think actually you would face a lot more judging if you had a 5th child tbh.

I have no idea why you think this is a thing. Who would judge you?
People are judgy fuckers for sure, but why would anyone judge a woman with 4 children for not wanting a fifth?

I’ve never known anyone be judged for using contraception (especially if they have 4 kids).

And I’ve never known of a stigma around sterilisation.

And presumably you’d only discuss this with people who aren’t arseholes!

So I really don’t think you have anything to worry about….

I had tubal ligation fifty years ago. Even then, there was no stigma attached to it and it was done during the C-section for my second child. I have many siblings and knew I didn't want more than two children. Interestingly, all my siblings only have two children and I have no idea whether any of my sisters opted for sterilisation also. It's a private matter.

Of course not. Who told you there’s a stigma? And how do you think anyone would know?

What kind of stigma do you mean? I'm struggling to understand. Unless, for example, you come from a devout Catholic background and would get judgement from family about any form of contraception, there's really nothing to worry about.

As a diabetic, decided to have it done after ds2, was supposed to happen at c-section, but didn't happen (they say tubes are swollen?) so had it done a few months later, minimal operation, best thing I ever did.

Never heard of any stigma! My only word of warning is ask exactly how they will be sterilising you and ask questions. I was sterilised during my second section (3rd baby) and 6 months later, I was pregnant again. My tubes were cut and a piece removed but they fused together on one side (I found this out during my 3rd section for number 4).
I have since found out the failure rate goes up when it's done during a c section as everything is bloated due to pregnancy. I don't regret my decision but if I'd have known more, I would have been sterilised at another time.
But again, never heard or felt any stigma!

I had part of my tubes removed after my 3rd (not planned) baby. It’s not a secret, but doesn’t really come up in conversation pretty much ever! Had the occasional I can’t have anymore when people ask… dunno if prowl judge me but then I’ve three kids and two diff dads so ppl probs judge that anyways…

I've never heard of there being any sort of stigma around being sterilised.

I have heard a few people casually mention that they were sterilised and no stigma was shown to them.

But as others have said- nobody except your doctor will need to know! This is absolutely not a thing to worry about. Getting it done sounds like the best choice.

I was sterilised during my fourth Csection. I knew and was also told that another pregnancy would be incredibly dangerous. There was also no way we could have afforded another baby. There was no stigma attached and you can choose to tell other people or not. Strangely I did not grieve for my fertility afterwards (they removed my tubes to ensure no further pregnancies) but I did grieve when menopause hit, like Mother Nature had stuck two fingers up to me. Silly but that is what it felt like. If you are having baby by spinal block then it seems silly to go into hospital again at a later date even just as a day case to have a general anesthetic. Good luck with your new baby and your wonderful family whatever you choose 😃

As others said, why would anyone else know. And no, not when you’ve had 4 kids. I think there is some stigma for women who chose it because they don’t want kids, especially if they are younger

I think there is a stigma around men who refuse vasectomies but are happy to let their wives to be surgically sterilised. But no one will be judging you op.

I recently had both of my tubes fully removed during my c section and haven’t felt any judgment from anyone who knows. It’s only really been discussed with close friends and family. However, I massively regret having it done and grieve my fertility

Thank you all. You're right, of course: nobody will know unless I tell them (I am quite an open book but I guess that's just on me to weigh up being open vs protecting myself against others' opinions!). I think I'm probably projecting - the premature grief or whatever it might be almost turning into a kind of shame and me projecting it outwards. But shame is unnecessary, and as some of you have pointed out I'd probably face much more judgement if we had further children. To be honest I already feel that a bit now, but I can generally deal with it because I know this fourth child was planned and we can afford it and it's a decision we had control over. I just need to look at the sterilisation issue the same way. Thanks again for helping shake a bit of sense into me.

I had my tubes tied at c-section #3 and was definitely the right decision for me. As it was, there was a huge amount blood loss and scarring to unpick and it was for the best that I couldn’t become pregnant again.

Make sure your decision is noted at each and every one of your consultant and MW appointments though. The registrar who actually started my caesarean (I’d not met her before) was rather snotty about the idea until she had to page the consultant and get him in quick.

Four c-sections is probably about the limit, for health reasons as much as anything else.

I won’t lie - I do occasionally have the odd pang about “wouldn’t it be nice if…” but then I look at my lovely kids and am thankful I’m here for them and not putting my life at risk.

Nine years on (I’m 44) and it seems to have worked well, as the monthly mittleschmerz indicates I definitely still ovulate.