Hi, I am not sure what I am trying to say here, but maybe I just want to speak to someone?
I am 30, my husband is 33, and we had always talked about starting to try for a baby in 6 months or so. My husband's parents were much older parents, and he is pretty keen to not wait too much longer before we start trying for a baby because he really wants our future kids to be able to meet/have a relationship with their grandparents. I am also keen not to wait too much longer - it feels like we have delayed it so much, and waited for so long because of so many reasons. We have been happily married for 2 years, together for 8, own a house, have loving families, got no debt etc, so on paper, there should be nothing holding us back.
However, I was a teacher for 5 years, but left last year due to the job killing me (I have no regrets leaving teaching). I started a new entry-level job in marketing which I don't love, but don't hate - its manageable and I don't mind it. But, the pay is appalling - I have taken a £10,000 pay cut from last year which, coupled with the cost of living rise, has been a challenge. My plan was very much to take the job so that we had some money coming in, but to look for other, slightly better paid roles in the meantime.
However, I am really struggling to find/get another job. It is all very disheartening and feels like I have taken massive backwards step. I have recently had 2 interviews and were told that I lacked the relevant experience for the jobs. However, I feel like I don't have time for all this - not only are we really feeling the squeeze with my pay cut, but I also feel like I don't have time to gain x number of years of experience if I want to start a family - I am not 21 any longer.
I am also putting so much time and energy into these applications and prep for interviews, and it feels like a real blow each time I am unsuccessful. I was successful in the teaching world - I had a really good job that I left, so it is really knocking me. I feel a lot like a failure - I am back to square 1, and really stuck in a rut. Coupled with this, this is a time where all my friends are really starting to blossom in their careers - get promotions and receive big bonuses.
It is SO hard to plan at the moment - I don't want to start a new job and immediately get pregnant, and I also can't keep applying for jobs once I am pregnant - this will definitely halt the process. But, I am really feeling the pressure of time ticking away, not finding a job that pays enough, and not wanting to delay our family plans for much longer.
My husband thinks we should just start trying for a baby in the winter regardless of where we are at then, and just 'make it work', but I am more leaning towards delaying it until I get a better paid job - but who knows how long that might take?! I think my husband is worrying that I am constantly waiting for the 'right time', but there might never be the perfect time and we just have to go for it.
Apologies for the long ramble. I guess I just wanted to get my feelings out, and reach out to see if anybody else has experienced anything similar. If so, what did you do?
Thanks so much in advance.