Third child??

[Winnie87]

I’m very lucky to have 2 healthy children daughter who is 4 starts school in September and a son who is 1 and starts nursery next April if we get free hours. I’m starting to feel I want a third child I know having a third will change everything bigger car and another bedroom, also financially!
my question is how did going from 2 to 3 work for anyone that has 3 children?
My husband does want a third but says the money is the biggest issue.
Am I crazy even thinking about it?!

Yes, you are, if money is an issue. Anything that impacts on the quality of your existing children's lives is a no-go.

This is a such a stupid comment. Sorry to be rude. But really, "anything that impacts the quality"? Come on! If that were a rule nobody would ever have any children.

OP, there are definite financial costs, and if 3 means you'll be on the edge of managing, probably not a good idea (4 would be that for us, so we're stopping at 3). Obvious ones are car and housing. Day to day costs are also higher (food bill is the obvious one, also clubs, activities, etc). Emotionally, I find it hard to be pulled between three of them if they're all higher needs at the same time (eg when they're all ill).

But. But. The dynamic of three is lovely, much better and easier than I expected. Older two have been massively enhanced by having a younger sibling. There's lot of joyful chaos. It's so much fun.

Hard to say without knowing more about your financial situation, but my approach would be not if it made your family financially insecure or precarious, but if you can manage with a bit less (eg we haven't had a holiday for a couple of years while still paying nursery fees) it's so worth it.

Taking the attitude of the previous poster seems to epitomise to me the old cliche of knowing the cost of everything but the value of nothing.

This is the contraception topic!!

So I think the answer from that perspective is to use a reversible method, but one which is reliable, until you and your DH have made a proper, mutual decision

When I say money is the issue we wouldn’t be struggling, it just means we wouldn’t be able to do all the things we do now.
we have a four bedroom house however one of the bedroom is used as an office, we already discussed converting the garage into my husband office so the kids were free to go upstairs during the day without disturbing him.
I always loved the thought the thought of a bigger family we live for the chaos.
I guess my questions were more how did people cope as a family adding a third child?
i obviously would never think about another if I thought it would negatively impact my other children.
thank you @LaBaDeeLaBaDa for your advice!

Coming from a different angle, I am one of four children (and my husband is one of 8!) and we both had such great childhoods. The fun and company you get from lots of siblings being around is priceless - we didn't have as much money as some of my friends' families but it really didn't matter to us. My best memories from childhood is the 'joyful chaos' as another poster put it.

Also the support from adult siblings when your parents are getting older is invaluable too.

Our third has always been a joy!

There is never a good time to have a baby or a perfect number of children. They all bring inconvenience!

Thank you all for reply! It has really helped me think about it all. I’ll be telling my husband and and see if it helps him come to a decision 😂

I have to say that three DC is hard work! My DC3 was a terrible sleeper and a tricky toddler (by far the worst of the three). He's now 13yo and lovely, but three teens also has its challenges! Think carefully OP.

I have 3 but 2 are twins but I love it. It's the little things through that make things unnecessarily difficult like taking them on holiday and the holiday park rule is one adult to one child under 12 so means I can't take the kids to the pool. Booking even a premier inn is impossible as most don't allow 3 kids in a room and family rooms are non existent, days out are geared to 2 adults plus 2 kids tickets

We have three ( blended family) and there’s a lot of washing, one’s not doing extra curricular things at the moment but I have no idea how we’re going to manage three kids activities/ sports/ play dates/ parties. Holidays are difficult to book and eating out and days out are very expensive. I don’t think I’d have had three if we’d started out in the traditional way

I hadn’t considered holidays, that is an issue. Im one of 3 but we used to do holidays in cottages when I was younger never abroad. My husband is an only child and wants to give the kids the holidays he had abroad all the time. I understand that, we had different but equalling amazing childhoods. They’re so much to weigh up. I think I need to calm my broody thinking for a little..

We have three and to be 100% honest, although obviously I love DC3 deeply and wouldn't actually change things, I would probably suggest to a hypothetical younger alternate-universe version of me that they give it an extra specially hard think.

Firstly, and always a role of the dice, our third child (after the "two healthy children") does have a disability. Not a will-never-be-able-to-live-independently thing, but it's meant rounds of hospital appointments in multiple hospitals and specialists and EHCPs. It definitely impacted the ease of continuing to work when they were younger, and (more relevant to your particular situation) it has variously reduced the amount of one-on-one attention available to the two older children and limited what we could afford for the third (there were some specialist private therapies that might have been affordable if they'd been our eldest but which were not financially an option as a family of five).

And then just general practical stuff - so many things are set up for families of four (we're used to "one family ticket and an extra child, please"), being outnumbered is tricky when the three children have to be in three different places at the same time (when they all have an important sports fixture at once, which child do you let down?).

So, not "don't do it", but think about all the practicalities and all the "what ifs" of parenting three all the way through to adulthood.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. It seems for those that have 3 it been a lot bigger change than I thought it would and all the other possibilities that can happen. I think ive been looking at it with rose tinted glasses. Thank you all again

This.

most things in the uk are set up for a standard family of 4. You end up paying so much more etc if you have even an extra kid.

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