Snip after baby no.2?

[FTEngineerM]

We’ve been chatting about what we’ll do for contraction after DC 2 is born in Sept time and DP wants to go straight for the snip!

That feels so final, his argument for it was that my body has gone through enough: I did all contraceptive before trying for DC1 so pill/coil/tracking cycle and so on. Then of course he’s referring to pregnancy and birth and the toll it takes on our bodies.

We agree that two is what we’d hoped we would be able to have but I’m not sure I can be so final about it when we’re so young (29/32), has anyone done this and not regretted it? Has anyone regretted it?

I’m having wild thoughts like if we break up and find other partners he can never have children with them ever. It would be taking that option away forever just because my body had been though so much.

Firstly, it's his body and his choice, so if he wants to get it done then he should. He is old enough to decide for himself the ramifications of the decision in all circumstances is including deaths and divorce.

That said, it is better, when going for surgery to remove fertility, for it to be a settled decision of the couple. Best practice is to wait until well clear of major life events - childbirth counting as one of them.

Ask him to defer making a decision until after DC2 is safely here.

We are planning on doing the same, although dc2 isn't even concieved yet! but we are sure we want 2 and no more, for many reasons. Even in the case of divorce or death, I dont want to have more children and my husband thinks the same. I dont want to go back on hormonal contraception and condoms arent reliable enough, I wouldn't be able to go through an abortion so we need something more definite.

My DH did when our 2nd was 2. We always said 2 was enough and that would be our family complete. We waited a couple of years to be sure of our decision. We were 30s at the time and now several years later in our 40s we’ve never regretted it. But I think this is a very emotive subject and it’s not at all unusual for couples to disagree. Good luck deciding.

Thank you, yes I know it’s his decision/body but I suppose I’m concerned about his motives to avoid me going through anything further in the future.

I think waiting a few years is sensible, maybe we’ll go for that idea. I suppose I just don’t want us to get to 5/6 years later and think oh gosh we’d love one more and that option being removed.

@FTEngineerM . Definitely wait until well into 30's.

Also good he wants to step up and have done, but about 10% of Ops do result in complications which can be rather unpleasant. My DH knows a couple of guys, one a friend a d another at work that had nasty effects, resulting in being off work 4-6 weeks so I suggest you research it a little

My exh had the snip after we had our second. I was 30, him 32. He also had 2 sons from a previous relationship. He was very much done, I wanted a 3rd but after going round the subject he had the snip anyway. Then spent several years going on about how I hadn't thanked him 🙄
Fast forward 9 years and I'm expecting my 3rd, a daughter with my OH.
Ex brother in law had the snip after his daughter was born as exh sister was adamant she didn't want another, really difficult pregnancy. 6/7 years later she'd left him and went on to have another child. He doesn't see his daughter unfortunately, not a great family, and now isn't in a position to have anymore children either.
It is very final and whilst it is very considerate of him to want to do his part from a contraceptive point of view you never know what lifes going to throw your way. Is there a possibility of waiting before taking such a permanent step?

I had the snip straight after my second child was born. I was 32. I have no regrets, I'm now mid 40s.