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Family planning

Wondering if I should just use withdrawal method

26 replies

eyebrowsofinstagram · 28/08/2020 11:58

I'm just wondering what to do going forward, I'm on the waiting list to get the coil fitted, although I don't really want it due to scare stories friends have told me.

I've been using the natural cycles app in the meantime- and read the book taking charge of your fertility, so I kind of know what I'm doing with that - apart from the fact my boyfriend lives far away, we both have kids, so we don't always meet up on the days it's safe to have sex. tMI but condoms don't work for him- we've tried and failed several times.

Regarding withdrawal method, he has delayed ejactulation so I've heard that makes it safer. We're both in our 40s, totally committed to each other, so I'm thinking that the chances of getting pregnant would be quite low, then if I did it would be tricky but not the end of the world.

I guess I'm just asking that if you use the withdrawal method in your 40s are you less likely to get pregnant?

OP posts:
Quackersandcheese3 · 28/08/2020 12:34

No idea about being in your 40s. I’m in 30s though and pretty much used withdrawal method for my entire relationship with dh so that’s about 15 years. It’s worked totally fine for us.

Happyspud · 28/08/2020 12:34

Only if you're totally fine with having a baby.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 28/08/2020 12:38

I used a combination of withdrawal and condoms from having DD1 (6.5) until TTC DC2 in December 2018. Never had a pregnancy scare once in that time. It took 13 months to conceive DC2 though and I conceived DD1 was conceived whilst I was on the pill...

saywhatwhatnow · 28/08/2020 12:39

All my close friends (x3) who have used this method, including with the app, have fallen pregnant within about 3 years. I do know it can work for some but it's not totally reliable. If you are happy to take the chance of falling pregnant then go for it. It might be the best of a bad bunch in your case.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 28/08/2020 12:39

*and DD1 was conceived

Really need to proofread.

Suzi888 · 28/08/2020 12:40

Only if you don’t mind having a baby, personally think it’s risky

eyebrowsofinstagram · 28/08/2020 12:48

Hmmm ok thanks- I think the sensible thing to do would be to have a really frank conversation about what would happen if I did get pregnant- then we can go into it with both eyes open. He was planning on getting a vasectomy at the start of our relationship, now he's said the odd thing about having a baby- I feel we're both past that stage now, but I'm thinking the time might have come to talk about it properly

OP posts:
Bumble84 · 28/08/2020 12:48

I’d only use withdrawal method if I would be ok with becoming pregnant. If you are both adamant that you don’t want more kids and are fully committed to each other could your partner not get the snip?

Bluntasduck · 28/08/2020 12:50

Why doesn't he get on with condoms?

itsamadmadworld · 28/08/2020 13:08

I wouldn't use it if you're certain you don't want more kids. Have you thought of any short term contraceptives to use whilst you're waiting for the coil? And don't be scared of the coil, I had the copper one fitted a month ago and so far it's great. I stopped bleeding quickly, the pain from insertion was over in a couple of days, and my period wasn't heavier or more painful. I know it's different for everyone but hopefully some good stories can help ease your mind against the bad ones.

Natsku · 28/08/2020 13:26

Withdrawal worked fine for me but I was ok with the possibility of getting pregnant if it happened.

Mumoftwo1994 · 28/08/2020 13:30

@eyebrowsofinstagram

I'm just wondering what to do going forward, I'm on the waiting list to get the coil fitted, although I don't really want it due to scare stories friends have told me.

I've been using the natural cycles app in the meantime- and read the book taking charge of your fertility, so I kind of know what I'm doing with that - apart from the fact my boyfriend lives far away, we both have kids, so we don't always meet up on the days it's safe to have sex. tMI but condoms don't work for him- we've tried and failed several times.

Regarding withdrawal method, he has delayed ejactulation so I've heard that makes it safer. We're both in our 40s, totally committed to each other, so I'm thinking that the chances of getting pregnant would be quite low, then if I did it would be tricky but not the end of the world.

I guess I'm just asking that if you use the withdrawal method in your 40s are you less likely to get pregnant?

Yeah, um well myself and my partner have been together for 8 years and we used this method (I can't use any hormonal birth control and they wouldn't fit me the coil) and I ended up pregnant with twins, so it's a huge gamble to be honest, unless you get the morning after pill or okay with abortion depending on time frames (no judgement on that just being factual)

I'm going for the coil now but have to wait another 3 months.
DrDetriment · 28/08/2020 13:31

I'm in my 40s and use Natural Cycles. No issues for 2 years and no scares. We just use condoms or abstain during my fertile period. I'd have an abortion if I got pregnant.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 28/08/2020 13:46

@Natsku

Withdrawal worked fine for me but I was ok with the possibility of getting pregnant if it happened.

Should have added this to my post. Whilst we weren’t actively trying, being pregnant wouldn’t have been the end of the world.
eyebrowsofinstagram · 28/08/2020 14:19

Ah @Mumoftwo1994 that has scared me a bit!

@DrDetriment great you're getting on well with natural cycles. It's the abstaining bit that's not going well, and I got the morning after pill to be on the safe side- but don't want to do that again.

Ok, I'll probably continue to wait for my coil, I know it must be fine as so many people have it.

Condoms made him go soft- tried a few times and was the same.

OP posts:
MuchTooTired · 28/08/2020 14:23

I’m mid 30’s but have low ovarian reserve and needed ivf for my DTs so I’m happy with the incredibly low risk for us using withdrawal method. We spent 5 years ttc prior to ivf, so I don’t think I can actually conceive naturally - if I did whilst it would be a surprise I’d be happy to have another. DH would be less thrilled

Mumoftwo1994 · 28/08/2020 14:25

I don’t want to scare you at all but I was the same and now have 6 month old twins,l (who I love, but I never wanted kids so a big shock) it’s a gamble without a doubt.

Jen435 · 28/08/2020 14:38

I have the coil (jaydess) and when i was thinking about it nearly talked myself out of it because all you hear is horror stories. Mine has been really great, zero maintenance, one day of very light bleeding a month, no other side effects. get the coil.

gelert5619 · 28/08/2020 14:48

Try putting condoms on as part of foreplay, perhaps a bit of oral too. It's over thinking that ruins it for him.

Fennelandlovage · 28/08/2020 15:06

Unused this method for 20 years. The only pregnancies I had were planned and quickly conceived. That said think the 40s can be quite h expected In terms fo hyper fertile moments before the menopause so if you don’t want a baby I would go for a more permanent fix.

eyebrowsofinstagram · 28/08/2020 16:11

Yes @gelert5619 I thought I should probably try a bit harder on that front!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/08/2020 16:29

My SIL ended up with accidental triplets at 45 - not sure what contraceptives were involved but her and DB were having an affair- neither have any other DC.

DianaT1969 · 28/08/2020 17:12

Is the cap still an option these days? Especially as you don't see each other every day.

Eesha · 16/10/2020 12:49

@eyebrowsofinstagram we use the withdrawal method but the doctor tells me it's a surefire way of getting pregnant so now I'm looking at other options! I'd hate anything inside me so might just have to be back to condoms.

Roselilly36 · 16/10/2020 13:16

I never fell pregnant with the withdrawal method worked fine for us. Fell the first month of TTC with both our children. Had the Mirena coil fitted in my mid thirties as I very heavy periods & flooding, best decision ever, on my final Mirena coil now as this one will take me through the menopause.

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