How to deal the fact we can't have children

[Love0910]

We are a lesbian couple been together for 3 years
I have always dreamt about having kids and this desire grew more since I work in childcare.
My wife was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis last year. We knew that having kids would be a bit difficult but doctors said would be manageable.
March this year she got Corona. Been in coma for two weeks which brought some complications. She had increased intracranial pressure. Had two surgeries. Long time in coma.
Resuming, she lost her movements and will stay in bed. Therapies may help but she will not be "normal" again.
I don't see any way of having a child now. She can't get pregnant. Her condition doesn't make us eligible for adoption. I don't think I would be able of taking care of her and a child. And on top of everything, she doesn't have many years of life expectancy so I would feel really bad bringing up a child that would eventually lose his mom
I am just so frustrated and sad that we can't be parents. Don't know how to deal with it.

Is there a reason you can't carry the child?

You're both women. Why is it all on her?

I’m very sorry to hear this.
As above would you be able to carry the baby? I know it would be very difficult managing with your wife’s condition too, but I would hope that you would be able to access a care package to help support your wife’s needs. Also, do you have wider family support?
I think it is important to consider how you would feel in say 5 years time if you have missed your chance to conceive a child.
I would suggest counselling to help deal with the stresses you are both under and to work out what you want to do going forward.

The replies you've had so far on this post OP are awful and please don't pay them much attention. I completely understand why this is very for you. Unfortunately I don't have much practical advice but your frustrations are entirely valid and I'm here if you'd like to talk x

It really is simple then - you carry the baby.

@NobbyBorris

The replies you've had so far on this post OP are awful and please don't pay them much attention. I completely understand why this is very for you. Unfortunately I don't have much practical advice but your frustrations are entirely valid and I'm here if you'd like to talk x

I’m sorry I hit send without finishing

You can carry the baby or maybe consider fostering?
Also how about nieces and nephews? Everyone loves the fun aunt. I know it’s not the same but...

@CtrlU we are not eligible to fostering due to her condition

@AcrossthePond55 @Thisismytimetoshine @Mixedandproud

We had decided that she would carry the baby because she is professionally better and would be able to take maternity leave.
I am just starting my career and haven't finished Uni yet.
I can carry the baby. But as I said, I don't think a baby and my wife is manageable.
Also, my child would lose his/her mom in a very young age (my wife's life expectancy is not many years from now) It would just be so hard for him/her to deal with it. I don't think I should bring a child to this world knowing that would have very difficult times.
She doesn't have a family. They don't accept her marriage with me because they don't like I am Brazilian so they completely stopped talking to her. I let them know that she is really ill but they don't care.
My family lives in Brazil. We don't have any care support here.

Thank you very much for the support x

@Love0910

If in the end you've made the decision not to have a child because of your wife's ill health, then you're entitled to mourn for the lost chance. Grieve for awhile, but don't forget that in the end we are meant to live our lives in contentment. I know that doesn't mean a thing to you now, but it will eventually.

Just be kind to yourself, continue to love your wife deeply, and cherish the time that remains with her. God bless you both.

I’m so sorry for what you are experiencing OP - I hope you are able to make peace with your decisions and find a new way of being happy, even if it isn’t how you originally pictured.

You don’t mention your own age but would it be worth investigating freezing your own eggs so that if at some point down the road you wanted to have a family of your own and decided it was possible to manage with either your wife’s health concerns / finances once you are done with uni etc that the opportunity hasn’t passed you by?

That sounds like a difficult situation to come to terms with. Is there someone impartial you could talk to?