We’ve been together for 6 years, married for 2. I am 35, he is 33. We’ve had a lot of struggles in our relationship and since we’ve been married we’ve been intimate about 10 times. Because of this, I’ve been very lax about taking the pill every day and on time.
So now I’m 7 weeks pregnant and I am not sure what I want to do. Until now, I never ever thought I wanted kids. He still does not.
I am a lot older than my younger sister, and essentially became her 3rd parent; My parents divorced when she was 6 months old, and both of my parents are mentally ill (mother has depression and anxiety, father is a sociopath, who was physically and mentally abusive to my mom and me, but never to my sister). I think this lead me to blocking out the idea of ever wanting a family.
So yes, there’s the mental illness on both sides of my family, and a congenital heart defect on his. Add in the facts that 1) we both never wanted kids 2) we don’t have the best relationship 3) he is going through his own depression and mental health issues 4) I just started a new job 5) he is not working as he is retraining for another career 6) I am an immigrant to this country - yes, here legally so please leave me alone about that 7) we rent and are living on only my income.
Despite this, I still feel that terminating the pregnancy is not the right thing to do.
I’ve always been a loud and proud supporter of pro choice and have gone with a friend during her treatment, and financially and emotionally supported two others who chose the pill option (not free in some countries).
Why do I now feel this is wrong? Especially since I know that brining a person into the world that may have mental or physical health problems is not right. Bringing a person into the world I cannot provide for is not right. I’m not religious in any way, and do not believe that a 7 week old pregnancy is alive.
Why do I still have doubts?
Additionally, if I were to continue the pregnancy, it would likely end in divorce with me returning back to my home country a single parent. And not at all sure how that would work since the child would be British.
I know no one else can make this decision, but I would appreciate hearing your stories, experiences, and thoughts.
Lastly, please, if you are only going to comment to call me names or other abuse, please refrain. This is tough enough as it is.