can I have some advice please?

[mrsnec]

I'm 37 years old.

I am pregnant with 2nd dc but it's my 4th pregnancy. I am absolutely certain this is the last time I ever want to be pregnant. I'm not very good at it and it makes me feel rubbish. I don't want any more children after this one.

When I first met dh I tried every pill going. I reacted badly to all of them except micryogynon but I got pregnant on that when I was very young. Had a termination then and never want to go through that again.

Have friends on depo but they have to watch their weight meticulously. My non pregnant weight is about bmi 27 I worked hard even to get that low I would struggle to maintain less.

I don't like the idea of mirena.I'm not a massive fan of the doctors here. I don't want regular appointments or any faffing about in there and I don't like the idea of anything that stops my periods.

Dh has said categorically no surgery for either of us. I think I will probably need another cs and was wondering if I should ask to be sterilised at the same time but I had complications last time (massive bleed) and think it might be safer to not be opened up longer than I need to be.

So once dc2 is here are condoms our only option. I am worried they are not reliable enough, we've never used them together. Our relationship hasn't been brilliant and we both want to get it back on track but now I'm worried my fear of getting pregnant again will put me off.

I see threads on here all the time of people unexpectedly finding themselves pg with no 3 and absolutely devastated by it I just really don't want that to be me.

Are there any other options I hadn't thought of?

Dh has said no surgery for either of you? Excuse me? Why does he get to forbid you from surgery?

I didn't word that very well. I do agree with him that I'm not keen on having surgery either unless I have to because I don't really like hospital or doctors but I know I'm probably going to need another cs which is why if it was offered I'd consider it then. I don't want to have to go back to hospital after with two babies at home (dd is 13 months) I suppose I was wondering if anyone else had been sterilised at the same time as a cs. I know someone of 40 who went back to be sterilised 3 months after a complicated birth with no problems but it's just not for me unless someone can convince me it's very straightforward and painless and my best option.

If dh wanted a vasectomy I would absolutely encourage it and deep down I think it's the answer but the threads here on that subject never end well.

When your DH says 'no surgery' does he mean 'I'm not emotionally ready permanently to end our fertile years as a couple' or 'don't have another procedure as I'm worried about you'?

Not that he should dictate to you what you choose for your body. But in considering options, it's probably worth knowing where his objections lie.

Sterilisation during CS is possible, but it seems to have a higher fail rate than when done at other times (clips put in when everything is distended seem to wander more readily). You'd need to talk to your obstetrician about your exact medical history and whether they could perform it if your CS is straightforward. As sterilisation is a keyhole day procedure these days, it might be OK to book for it once recovered from the birth.

You might like to look into the Essure type of female sterilisation, which does not require surgery.

He means it's a bit permanent,he hasn't really decided yet, he's worried about me and doesn't want me to force him to have any procedures. His dad had a vasectomy very young, didn't have any more children and regretted it.But Dh is 40. We only have a 3 bedroom house we don't own so the practical side of having more children needs to be considered.

His main objective is getting our relationship back on track. I feel too ill in pregnancy to dtd. Before I had dd I had an mc and before that I had a serious illness so he feels he hasn't had a normal sex life for years. He actually said he was disappointed I got pg so quickly after dd was born because he wanted to focus on us being a couple again a bit more but she took 5 years to conceive so we didn't think it would happen again so soon.

I didn't even go to my 6 week check last time because I'm not comfortable talking to any of the obstetricians but that response was a great help and I'll look into Essure.

Hi, please please do your research on Essure very carefully, I had a hysterectomy 3 weeks ago to remove Essure. This device is highly controversial worldwide. If you don't want surgery then this is a bad choice as the only way to remove it if it doesn't work for you is surgery! I had the procedure done in 2012 6 months after the birth of my youngest and a couple of months before my 40th, it is my biggest regret in life, my health problems started soon after, chronic joint pain, IBS, skin rashes, fatigue to name a few. It then took me 3 years of ill health before linking my failing health to the device and discovering that there are thousands of women worldwide suffering the same symptoms as myself. I am now a member of a FB group Essure problems Ireland and UK and the US version Essure problems and we are campaigning for this product to removed from the market. If you do a google search, you won't have to dig very deep to find info!

Hi Tori, Thanks so much for your response. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience and hope you are making a good recovery. Good luck with your campaign.

I did do a little bit of reading up on it and I can see how it might look like a good option for some I'm not sure it's the right solution for me anyway.

Thank you, I am on the mend, and most of my symptoms disappeared within a few days of surgery! Good luck with your pregnancy :) xx

Would you consider a copper coil? I had my first baby 3 months ago and have just booked an appointment to get one fitted. I don't get on well with hormones and we have been using condoms but I don't feel they're practical...plus I'm always a bit worried that they will split.

glad to hear it Tori! Thanks NoMan, I think my problem is that still involves appointments and procedures and then having a foreign body inside me that may or may not work but I do wonder if I'm being a bit ignorant when it comes to iuds and perhaps need to do more research.

It's just that I sometimes think wouldn't it be good to have it all sorted in one go and to never need another gynae appointment ever again!