cant get sterilised for love nor money

[cannydoit]

i am 29, have 3 dc and know in my heart that i do not want any more children. i can not take the pill as it has very negative side effects on me such as depression. i usually use condoms but have a boyfriend that for some reason they keep breaking with we have tried different brands, lubricated ones the works. as this kept happening i had to take the morning after pill which makes me sick, so i go to the doctor ask him to put me on the pill, until he can get me in to be sterilised. he basically laughed in my face about getting sterilised and didnt want to put me on the pill because i am epileptic and would need a high dose for it to work.
so my friend gives me some of her pill, which unfortunately has the usual side effects but i see it as very temporary as i decide i am going to pay to get sterilised. i get a loan arrange to go to the marie stokes clinic and am very happy. the day before they phone me and tell me that they cant do it because of my epilepsy.
i honestly felt totally devastated and helpless and out of control of my own body, i know what i want but am being told that i cant have it because of my age and what if all my children were to die etc. any way my only option now apparently is the coil. they are pushing the hormone but i am thinking i should go for the copper as the hormones are going to be just the same as the pill.
any way to top it all off my bf decides, that he will get a vasectomy, he has 3 dc as well, he is 2 yrs older than i, he walks in to the doctor, no problem apparently can be sorted out within a couple of months. that seems very unequal why is he more likely to know what he wants that i. why is it more ok for him to want to become infertile?
rant over.........grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

It's cheaper for men. And fewer potential complications.

you make a valid point, about the financial aspect though it shouldn't come into it of course on the nhs it does.
obviously there are more likely to be infections etc from female sterilisation as its inside the body but both surgeries are relatively safe quick and easy to do, men taking around 10 min and women 20. i dont see why women have to go before a board in order to get sterilised and with men it seems to be a nod from the doctor though i dont actually know if thats the case, but it seems to be so far.

yes it is cheaper for men but the cost of female sterilisation is tiny in the face of an unwanted pregnancy.

Cannydoit, you make a very valid point, as an adult woman you should be in charge of your own fertility, and if a an can get a sterilisation on the NHS, why can't a woman in the same circumstances?

I've missed off the 'm' of 'man' in my final sentence.

it was the same with my ex husband he went in at 33, made an app. 2 months later he had an app for the surgery. he didnt go threw with it but does seem a bit like inequality to me.
i really am honestly considering kicking up serious stink if my bf has no problem getting this done because it does not seem right, that it is more justifiable for a man to have easy access to sterilisation and women have to fight for it like they are going against some biological imperative.

I think part of the reason they're happier to sterilise a man is that the reversal procedure has an 80% success rate and if it does fail then extracting sperm directly from the testicles is a pretty simple procedure and just a turkey baster is needed. If a woman changes her mind then it's much more difficult to harvest eggs and IVF is needed.

Please stop taking your friend's pill until you can get your own prescription - surely this is not a good idea?

I had a doctor tell me they'd rather sterilise me than DH because chances were we'd split up, i'd keep the DDs and he might want more children with a new partner

stop taking my friends pill = pregnancy. not really what i am going for. so not going to stop taking it till i have something else in place.
at your cervix can i have the name of your doctor????

so cannydoit is your bf going for the vasectomy instead then? if he is as sure as you are then I think he ought to seeing as you have tried to sort it out but options are so limited.

The hormones in the Mirena coil aren't as strong as in the Pill or other hormonal methods; smokers aged over 40 are allowed Mirena but not the others. So it might be worth a try?

If you can't take a normal dose of the Pill because of your epilepsy medication (I think some epilepsy medication increases the rate of metabolism of steroid hormones) then your friend's Pill is hardly a safe form of contraception, is it?

ahhhh perhaps i didnt explain it very well, there is no health reason (except my own mental) for not taking hormone based contraceptive when you are on medication for epilepsy. the only real problem is that most if not all epilepsy medication including the one i am on negates the pill at the normal dose so you need to take it at a higher level in order for it to work. same with the morning after pill you need to take a double dose etc.
the doctor did not want to prescribe ANY pill for me because of my previous experience on the mini pill, which basically turn me in to a suicidal crazy person and subsequent attempts at different pills which had a lesser but still bad effect on my mental state. this was all before i had epilepsy so the idea of putting me on a double dose of any pill was not ideal, and scared the crap out of me.
it always took a few months to kick in so taking my friends pill a couple of months before my private sterilisation didn't seem like much of a risk as i was sure that it would happen and all will be well. have to admit that even on the larger dose that microgymon is the best pill i have ever been on, only suffering mild form of depression on it, but thats enough for me not to want to take it. on the other hand i am not going to risk running around unprotected, as you state i could abstain for awhile, but my bf and i have only been seeing each other for a few months and i just wouldnt want to risk it that we would slip up one time.
so in conclusion no pill what ever level effects my epilepsy.

I think you need to go back to a different GP tell him/ her what you've told us . Tell them exactly what you've told us.

I can't imagine that any Dr would contiue to oppose given that you are much more at risk taking a higher dose of borrowed meds (and not being properly monitored at that). You need a more effective short term solution even if your bf does get the vascetomy ( it took dh nearly 9 mths from intial consult to all clear which I would suggest is too long for you in this situation)

Is your epilepsy particularly uncontrolled? FWIW I would not want to have the hormone based coils I react dereadfully to every pill I have tried and If dh has not had a V then I would have been for sterilisation.