Extra-curricular at weekends - do you keep one day free of activities?

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DH wants Sundays free of any extra-curricular. Is it a common thing to avoid all extra-curricular for at least one weekend day? We aren’t churchgoers or particularly religious so this is not the reason. He wants to be able to take her on long days out at the weekends. She started in a good junior swimming squad session on Sunday evenings recently. I asked him first before signing DD up and he was initially really pleased, especially as she had been on a waiting list to even get a ‘try-out’ for about 2 years! The session is going well and DD really enjoys it. Now DH has said he wants to stop it so he can enjoy long summer days out with her on Sundays. DD isn’t happy about this, neither am I because it is hard to find these opportunities locally and the timing in the evening still leaves most of the day free to do things and he was very positive about it initially. I have suggested she could miss the occasional session for a big day out and pointed out the sessions only run in term time so there will be weekends in the holidays free of this activity anyway. However, he seems to want all Sundays free for the full day (and evening) in the summer. As it is, the swimming galas she has been invited to are all on Sundays too!

I wondered if this is a common tension between parents and do others on here keep a day completely free of extra curricular every weekend? Do you turn down good opportunities to keep to this philosophy?

DH tells me it is not ‘normal’ to do extra curricular at weekends but most families I know have some sort of child-focused event to attend with their children regularly on both Saturdays and Sundays! On top of this there are the birthday parties to contend with and, increasingly, invites for playdates and sleepovers at weekends now ( my DD is 11). A lot of these things are harder to pack in on weekdays because they get increasing amounts of homework from now on!

What do others do please?

We only do 1 weekend activity first thing on Saturday morning for both DC. I can see why he prefers not to clock watch and have a routine on Sundays. However it seems like a great opportunity for your DD and you can work plans around this. I have an ideal of long, sunny Sundays at the coast or similar. In reality we will do this a few times over the whole summer, so not that big a deal to have a club, especially if she is open to missing it once or twice if needed. I also quite like going somewhere on Sunday evening, as it makes the weekend feel longer.

Personally I'm with your husband... as long as he actually makes that day count.

Personally In an ideal week, I want a whole family day free because we all like to do things that just can't fit into a couple of hours.

E.g. Go hiking in a national park, go spend the day on the beach, go visit another city etc.

That being said, if my son had hobbies/passions that required him to be there on both Saturdays and Sundays, I wouldn't stop him. I'd just fit the other stuff into holidays/bank holidays, and let him get on with it.

So if I were you, I would agree with your husband, but I would say that it is your daughters choice on which clubs she attends, and tell him that you both should respect that.

DD does lots of extracurricular activities during the week, but we don’t have any scheduled classes at the weekend as we need a break. DD has dance classes during the week, so there is an occasional weekend gala, rehearsal or fete; likewise she’s in a couple of bands so they have performances… but these are not regular.

We do parkrun and junior parkrun every week… but as these take place across the country we can still do them if we want to go somewhere else, and if we miss one that’s fine.

we have one ND child so yes we do always try to keep Sunday free - mainly to catch up on school work, gardening. But often it’s not all of us - so we keep it free for that child however my eldest plays county level in her sport so we are often at club/county and school fixtures and tournaments. School is usually Saturday.

I think with swimming knowing what our committed swimming friends do - you’re in for a lot of very early starts (training before school) and various meets around the country plus local comps.

We have sports commitments on weekends but try and keep some days in the week free of activities. I've never scheduled the whole week.

For weekend commitments sometimes they have to miss them to visit family or go on weekends away or a friends birthday activity.

A compromise would be to keep the tennis but skip it at least once a month plus it will be off for the summer holidays won't it?

We kept weekends planned extracurricular free for as long as possible, DS is now 7 and does have gymnastics at the weekends , as he moved up levels the longer sessions were only available at weekends. However we made sure it was the first class at 9am so by 10:30 he's done. I think it's important to have time to do things as a family go on day trips, visit family etc. There's a local cycling event for families were sometimes go to as a family on Saturdays but it's not monthly fees etc it's just turn up when you get like it. I don't want both weekend days being blocked by regular activities

Hi OP,

We have both weekend days free! In the week there are music lessons, swimming lessons, brownies, dance class etc. but the weekends are our own for parties, relaxing, travelling, play dates and days out. It may change at some point, but for now, it really works for us.

Nearly all of her activities at the weekend are term time only. That also applies to nearly all in the week. She has two swimming lessons midweek after school, one of those continues in all holidays apart from christmas but its at 6.30 in the evening so it would often be possible to do something in the day and still go. If necessary we would miss it. One activity at the weekend (a private tennis lesson) is every week but the coach is very flexible and if we give him a few days warning he just finds someone else to take her slot that day. Therefore, we are unrestricted in school holidays. She will probably choose her sport soon but we just needto see where her commitment lies.

At this stage I would just like her to consolidate her skills, keep fit and enjoy the sports. If she is showing more flair or passion for one or the other she will probably choose that one. At least though, she will have reached the stage of being competent in a couple of sports she can keep up for enjoyment. I am hoping we can sustain both until the Autumn, then narrow down. In reality, she is likely to have more homework and sports commitments in secondary school so I can’t see it being easy to have lots of big days out at weekends in term time during secondary years even if she cuts down her current commitments. It was different when DC were younger.

No, DS doesn’t organise special trips. He arranges to visit his mother and go for a walk locally. It isn’t that exciting for DD at her age. She does like her grandmother but as she is developing her interests, they are becoming more appealing as regular commitments than seeing her grandmother every weekend. I think it is quite an important age when she has the opportunity to develop a few passions/ talents so it is a shame not to facilitate it when the interest is there.

*DH doesn’t organise special trips. I mistyped DS!

My DS are now 18 & 22 and we never did anything on weekends, just family stuff chill days walks lazy time. They are ambitious hard working boys but I never wanted to be standing on rugby pitches or driving them to everything all weekend, it hasn’t done them any harm, the found their own hobbies as older teen like building cars and cooking etc. Kids must be exhausted after weeks of school, when do they get time to be bored and use any imagination.

Your daughter is old enough to decide how she wants to prioritise - it’s a natural progression. It’s also very selfish of your husband to stop her from doing a sport she loves, just for the sake of some hypothetical ‘long days out’ that he might or might not be bothered to plan. She will resent him for it and not enjoy their time together. There are plenty of opportunities for them to have long weekend days out in the holidays.

You should support your daughter and not let your husband unilaterally dictate how the whole family should spend their free time!

We only have a Friday night free! But we will miss clubs for weekends away as well as holidays, but beyond that we're out 6 days a week doing something with one child or another

We’ve always had stuff on a weekend. Realistically as children get older they move closer to peers anyway. It is selfish for him to stop her doing an activity she likes if he doesn’t really organise anything other than a quick walk or visit grandma. His position would be stronger if he actually did something. I have friends that genuinely do plan family days out like a beach, theme park day, weekends away.

No, we did everything we could to accommodate the DCs sports and hobbies, that sometimes meant organising lift-shares or one of us having to juggle if the other was busy but they got so much out of it that it was worthwhile and they have kept on with some of their sports as adults. Some were term time only and we still had plenty of time to visit grandparents etc.

Maybe he can find an equally good squad that doesn't meet on Sundays, and deal with transport to it if it's further away than the current one.

If not he's trying to take a massive opportunity away from your DD in exchange for occasional trips that she may not even want to be on. She'll be a teenager soon and be able to say no thanks to his trips. Which is a lot more likely if she resents them for taking away something that's currently important to her.

It may not even last that long. The next squad may do something different, or she may decided swimming isn't the one for her. What is certain is over the next few years her own agenda will increasingly decide what she does with her weekends, and if he wants a 16 yr old DC still coming on his trips he needs her to think of them as a positive not an annoyance.

That’s the dream but no - sports rule our household at the minute. You are right about clashes as they get older. My eldest now has a priority sport and a secondary one at which he competes if and when he is available. This is fine, he chose his priority and that is fine with us.