Dance competitions. Is it really worth it?

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My dd just did her first dance comp this weekend. She is in the competion team at her dance school and will be doing a few comps throughout the year. She's just turned 8 and it seemed to be a very positive experience for her. She didn't place but there were 14 in her category. For her very first comp she did really well. She got up there and really gave it her all. She scored 79 which to my understanding is average/realistically a bit below average. There weren't masses of comments about technique on her card which I expected there to be as this is the area she isn't a natural with. The main thing it advised to work on was confidence. She was in the modern section.

I don't mean this in a derogatory way but I really don't think she will be doing this as a career. She's good but I wouldn't say a 'natural'. She's adament that she loves it and wants to do this but I've really had to persuade her to practice and she really isn't very conscientious/self-aware although I appreciate that this may increase with age.

What struck me is just how many of the kids even at a local novice dance comp really are gifted, how much effort they put into their routines and how amazing they all look and how few of them get any recognition and how unpredictable prize awarding is. Even for a dancer who is really serious about this I can see this grinding them down.

My worry really is that this is a lot of effort and commitment. I want it to remain a positive experience. I'd love opinions from veteren parents or dance teachers. Is it in my dd's interest to keep doing this as long as she enjoys it? What would you say are the signs that we should pull back? I am quite happy working with her and taking her to/paying for competitions but I don't want us both to look back on it and regret the time and stress that went into it IYSWIM

If she enjoys it, I would encourage her. If she starts to regret it, consider other hobbies.

A friends daughter took her final exam to be a doctor. It's the one where you have to talk to a live patient and diagnose them, whilst the examiners sit and listen to your questions. On coming out her first comment was to say "Thank you, mum, for making me do all of those ballet exams. I was much less nervous as I am used to performing". Others from her group found the public element much more difficult.

I think winning certificates for any hobby can be a real boost in confidence for pre-teens, and as they go through the hormone fuelled dramas of teenage years, they are a reminder that you can succeed if you hold your nerve and do your best. You don't have to be a superstar to get a sense of achievement.

Hth

"I really don't think she will be doing this as a career"

It doesn't matter. Nor will 99% of the other youngsters at her dance school.

Dance lessons and competitions aren't some sort of on-the-job training, they are just supposed to be a fun activity. Loads of people send their dc off to all sorts of extra-curricular activities and hobbies. But it is funny how so many parents of young dancers start thinking in terms of their dc either being good enough or not good enough to make it as a professional, and using that as a basis on whether to decide to let their dc continue their fun hobby.

Dance comps do demand a high level of parental commitment, time and expense and to be honest, it is best to view it as just supporting their hobby in the here and now, and not as an investment into a potential future career.

The only real signs to pull back would be if she stops enjoying it or gets too disappointed in not being placed higher, or if the level of commitment starts eating into family time way too much. If she starts suffering from injury then that is a time to pull back too. Loads of dance schools don't even bother with competitions, they concentrate on the classwork and do annual/biennial school shows instead.

My 13 year old has been doing them for a few years, but stopped recently. So hard on their mental health, and for sensitive kids it’s so difficult when they place such high expectations and standards to themselves that don’t always get recognised

Winning awards provides my daughter with a lot of validation, but not placing crucifies her, and obviously with dance being so subjective she doesn’t always place, despite being very talented.

I think if you daughter genuinely enjoys it, and copes well with the pressure and disappointment, then continue with it. I don’t think my daughter has the right temperament for it and it’s killed her love of dance, but she’s an introvert and it was always very much out of her comfort zone

At some point she’ll realise she’s not good enough and ask to give up

meantime let her enjoy it if you can afford it, and look at diversifying… I was pretty okay at dance age 2.5 to 11, but age 9 I realised what I loved most about dance was the music. I picked an instrument age 9.5 and that became my main hobby til I was 18, made heaps of friends and went on trips and had a blast.

It's not about doing it as a career, the lessons and personal development from being comfortable with losing and happy for others doing well are almost more beneficial for her life.

It's exercise, an exciting experience, social, part of a team, improving her dancing and flexibility. The only thing that needs to change is your attitude that it's about being the best and winning.

It's a fun activity not career training. It builds confidence and fitness. A minuscule percentage will go on to be pros. Many of the children at the dance school my kids went to danced until the end of school. I think the ones you think are gifted may have some natural talent but 'hard work beats talent that doesn't work hard'. My children do music competitions and we always frame them as performance opportunities and a chance for feedback. They can see themselves that competitions can be fickle.

You need to ensure the competition is your servant not your master and if you can do that it can certainly be useful. My DD danced competetively from the age of 5 and she got a lot out of it. From the dance perspective she developed a lot of confidence and performance skills, but the wider life lessons were at least as valuable, probably more. Competition is part of life. Learning to handle both success and failure graciously, understanding that life isn't always fair, dealing with mishaps , developing team working skills, organisatiobal skills and developing an ability to value the work you've done yourself, whether you win or lose are all things I think children learn from competition, whether that's dance or something else. And most importantly she had lots of fun and made some lifelong friends, as dud zI.
DD is a good dancer (she eventually went to full time dance school) and she won quite a lot. But she also didn't place on numerous occasions - sometimes her own fault, sometimes as a result of dubious adjudication. She learned to differentiate between those things and to judge her own performance. When we look back, it's not the trophies and medals she remembers but the timed when we had most fun, costume and prop malfunctions etc.The things she is proud of are usually times when something went wrong and she handled it well or when she'd finally managed to improve something she found very difficult or she turned in a decent performance in a genre that didn't come naturally to her.
The attitude of teacher (and parents) is very important though. I have heard small children being berated over minor errors and seen excessive pressure to win. Fortunately my DD's teacher always viewed it as a learning experience and fun and that was reflected in her pupils' attitudes. Obviously they liked it when they won - who doesn't - but it was never taken too seriously.
I don't believe in forcing children to do things they don't enjoy but I wouldn't stop after one go. My DD forgot her dance half way through at her first competition! If your DD doesn't enjoy herself after a few competitions I'd pullher out, but if she does enjoy it there's a lot of life lessons to be learned and fun to be had.

Just come back from one today, my DD has been doing them for a few years. It is not about winning - it is about doing your best and enjoying the performance, having fun and confidence building.

Thanks everyone. It's good to hear your insights. Every time I went to watch a section all I was thinking was 'my god you're all so talented' and it was so sad to see kids upset and their confidence knocked when they didn't place. This is to some extent unavoidable though because with talent and hard work comes perfectionism. I'm lucky in that respect that (so far) my dd is very easy going and resilient. My thinking is along the same lines as your pp's. It isn't about winning or going pro it's about the discipline, teamwork and love of a craft that comes from dancing and as long as my dd is learning these things then it's worth the effort and the money.

My DD did them from age of 4 to 13. Had lots of ups and downs with them. Yes it builds up resilience, but it can also hit them hard when they absolutely try their best and they perhaps slip or trip. I was like you, I knew she wasn’t going to be a dance star of the future, but she enjoyed it. Your DD will find her niche. My daughter was like an elephant in ballet, wasn’t very bendy so no good in modern, but thrived in tap. Character and national she found hilarious but these two dances made her enjoy the competition more.

My only word of caution would be commitment. We love our holidays, even weekends away, so we made it clear we couldn’t take part in any duets/trios/groups as we would be letting people down if we weren’t there. Then as she gets older, depending on how strongly the school feels about performing arts, consider what route she will go down. There was a huge push for students to go to Stagebox and CAPA college at our school. Whilst we looked into them, for us CAPA was too narrow if your child wanted to pursue a different career. As it turns out, that decision was right as she’s now a hairdresser.

My daughter does festivals - solos not groups, so far.

They are worth doing if they are enjoying them, as long as it isn't about the medals.

My daughter often places, but occasionally does not. You have to have equanimity about this.

When she was first invited to do them, I agreed as she is a perfectionist, and I thought it would be a way to fail safely, and discover that it's OK to fail; the world goes on and nothing terrible happens. Rather unexpectedly, she placed first time out. She loved it, not for the medal, because she said she just felt free when she was dancing.

I think she's learned a lot of good life lessons

• I always knew that any competitive pursuit helps teach you to be a good loser. However, they also teach you to be gracious and empathetic when you win. This is as important.

• I think it has helped encourage her to build a growth mindset. Her music hasn't changed over the 3 years she has been doing them so far, but her dance has grown with her. She can look back at where she was each previous year, and see how her technique has improved with her hard work.

• They teach resilience and perspective. It isn't just getting back up, working to improve and going again, but win or lose, it's just a bit of fun. They aren't important in themselves.

• They are a safe way of learning to deal with the fact that life may seem arbitrary and not "fair" sometimes. The truth of these things is that, out of a field of 20-30, probably 5 to even 10 are in the mix to get a medal. Decisions are very fine, and adjudicators are usually very clear that often, there is a degree of personal preference that comes into the final decision. So you can dance your piece absolutely beautifully and not win, just because the adjudicator preferred someone else.

• They teach you how to harness your nerves. Nerves are natural, and in fact being able to use them can sharpen up your performance in whatever you are doing. It's good to learn how to manage them when the stakes are low, rather than when you have an important interview or exam, or when you are presenting your work to an international audience of a few thousand for the first time.

As long as they remain fun, they are worth it. If they becomes stressful or just a hunt for medals, probably less so. Also, they are no marker in themselves of the people who will grow up to have successful careers in dance.

Agree with lots of others on this thread. DD has been doing them for 4 years. She occasionally places but more often doesn’t. She enjoys them for the friendships backstage and the chance to improve. Plus the costumes. When else do you get to wear a tutu? Her school is fastidious about behaviour at festivals and supporting each other so it’s a positive experience. She has to do a speech at school next week and she commented that she feels she’ll be able to do it because of her festival experiences. She’s not hugely confident performance wise but it teaches her that she can get up there and have a go. She’s definitely not looking to dance professionally, it’s just a nice hobby with some important life skills and a chance to make good friends thrown in.

If she enjoys it, it's affordable, and the commitment is OK, then just support her hobby.