3.5 year old & Martial Arts

[CorporateGirly]

So my son, who is soon to be 3 and a half, started a martial arts class 5 weeks ago. It’s once a week on a Wednesday at 5:10pm, for 45 mins.
For context, he attends preschool at a local nursery 4 days a week. He finishes at 5pm, but on martial arts day we collect at 4:30pm
so we can get to the class on time.

So I know it’s early, but we struggle to get him to get involved. I am also aware he is young, but there are other kids in the class around the same age who take part and do it all. All he wants to do is stand with us, and watch. Sometimes he won’t even watch he just wants to play with us. We are getting frustrated as when (and very rarely) he does join in, he has a good time. Every time in the car on the way to the class he has a mini meltdown and says he either doesn’t want to go, he wants to go home for dinner first, or that he wants us to do it with him. I have tried giving snacks before we go in, but it makes no difference. We are trying to teach him that he needs to join in without us, but we do get involved sometimes (for example instructor led pad holding). Last week the instructor suggested we leave the room and watch from outside. We did so, and he just stood there and cried his eyes out.

We really want to persevere with it, but what is sensible to expect from him? Do we give him some tough love? Anyone else go through the same and have any recommendations?

Stop and try again in a year or so. He’s just not ready yet.
All you’ll achieve if you persist is a hate of martial arts.

He's 3.5 and has spent the whole day at preschool and every other evening he's there until 5pm. He doesn't need to be doing a martial art class until gone 6pm in an evening. He quite obviously wants to go home eat and be with his parents because he's not seen you all day.

It's really of no benefit to him and to be honest I'm surprised you thought it would be a good idea. I'm also surprised the class is on so late for such young children.

What do you want him to gain from the class? As it stands, he's gaining nothing. At 3yrs, the class is barely more than a few, fun, lightly themed games. He's getting that and more from being at nursery. He doesn't actually need another structured activity.

If there is something specific you think he'd benefit from by attending the class, is there another way he could get that without adding an hour onto his day? He's doing his best to tell you he doesn't like the class or is just too tired and that needs to be respected as far as possible.

I would stop it @CorporateGirly – I genuinely cannot see what you think he is getting out of it. It’s not something he has to do (like school, or childcare (or even learning to swim IMO)) so why force it? He is telling you on the way there he doesn't want to go (in different ways, to see if you will respond) and then in the class he does nothing, cries, wants you to do it.

Why do you want to persevere? Was it something he said he wanted to do? even if it was, he clearly doesn't enjoy it. Sack it off and leave it for a bit. Maybe suggest some other clubs for him in 6 months or a year – footy, gymnastics, or the martial arts again.

Why do you want to persevere with it?

I can't see one single reason to carry on amongst everything that you wrote! I can see several reasons to give it a rest and try when he's older.

He's far too young and just needs time in his own home space relaxing.

Stop immediately. It’s doing this more harm than good.

My dd teaches a baby martial arts class for age 3 to 7 ish but most kids don’t join until age 4 plus. My son joined age 4.5 as we could see he wasn’t ready to concentrate and follow instructions at age 3. My dd didn’t start in baby class and joined the juniors at age 8 - it’s now her favourite pastime and she is amazing (very high belt).

Also baby martial arts classes aren’t born equal. You need one that is very play-based and more about coordination and games than kicking or striking.

My ds also took up judo age 6 and he absolutely loves it - I would say he has more fun at judo, but is technically better at his other martial art. Again there are some 4 year olds in his judo club but mostly kids join age 5

Find kiddy football or kiddy rugby and do that for a few years then return to martial arts.

My eldest DD wanted to start Karate when she was 8, and her younger sister who was 4 wanted to do it too as her sister was doing it. She lasted about 2 lessons as she was too young for it really, while elder DD was engaged and worked her way up through the belts to competitions. My younger daughter is completely different and prefers other pursuits.
I never pushed my kids to do clubs they didn't ask to do.