Son keeps not being picked to play cup games

[bluedabadeedabadoo]

So my son plays for an u15’s rugby union team and has for about 5 years. He isn’t the best player but turns up every week to training and matches and tries his best. The problem is that when they have cup games the whole squad can’t play as there’s too many of them. It’s now the 3rd cup game of the season and he hasn’t been picked again so he has played 0 cup games. I know he isn’t the best but if we are paying subs and he’s committed to training then surely he should be allowed to play even if it isn’t for much of the game.
Im almost 100% sure he’s the only one who hasn’t been picked to play for any. Most players have played every cup match.
the coach will know this 100% as they keep a record of all the games they have played.
I don’t know if I need to say something. This feels unfair but I get it’s a competitive sport and the aim is to win but at this rate he is going to end up losing interest and quitting if he is never part of the main matches which is what they are ultimately working towards.
the first time, the coach messages me about it and said it was because he has loads of kids who play the same position as my son but since he hasn’t made any contact. I just feel upset for him as ultimately he feels not good enough and it isn’t good for his self esteem particularly as a child with ND who does struggle day to day with lots of things but he just loves rugby.

I think your own words “he isn’t the best” say it all. Sorry.
They play to win.

Yer it’s just sad for him. Maybe we need to focus our effort on finding something he is better at.

Is there only one team? Could you find a club that either plays at a lower standard or one with multiple teams? My DS plays rugby, and his club has A-D teams who all play in different leagues. Allows everyone to play and means everyone plays at a level they enjoy.

At u15 I wouldn’t want my DS playing above his ability as it’s brutal and he could get seriously hurt. But the game should be accessible to all; I hope you find a club that suits him ♥️

Thanks and no there’s only one team. There are not many union teams about near us. I think there is one with a b team but I think it’s probably too far to travel. He plays league too and he plays for a 4th or 5th division team so he does feel like he fits in better but obviously it’s not all year round.

Dont be that parent @bluedabadeedabadoo , presumably cup games are games they need to win so quite rightly the coach picks his best team .

I get that. I just wish there was a way he could be more included. It’s heart breaking for him

You need to find a club with more teams / playing at a different level. Why not ask the coach's advice?

Agree with @AirMaxMaam If your son is enjoying rugby but is one of the weaker players on the team he needs to either accept that (you sometimes learn more playing up) or find a team playing at a lower level where he will get more match time.

U13 and U15 rugby can be difficult because players reach puberty at different times and there can be huge strength differences. Is your son young in the year? Smaller/less developed than the other players? If so, you can talk him through that. Explain he is learning a lot and if he concentrates on skill development his time will come. But he will not start in cup matches.

If however he is one of the older and stronger players but is weaker on skills he should consider changing team.

@bluedabadeedabadoo could he get involved in the refereeing side of things instead ?

If it waterfall cup they have a rule that anyone who plays has to play have a game. Unless injured of course. So he can’t attend the match and just do a 10/15 min stint.

Which position does he play? Would he train up in a different one that is less contested? If there are 10 boys that like playing scrum half he is less likely to be picked than if he learns how to play as a forward.

They don’t have that rule in this cup but the coach doesn’t want to do too much switching as it impacts the flow of the game which again I get. He has played other positions but it’s still the same, it’s more that he isn’t good compared to the rest of the team which we both know.

Does he have league matches that he gets to play in but not the cup?

I guess the problem is that if he plays in the cup instead of a better player and then they lose then no one gets to play in the cup anymore. So it is quite a risk for the coach.

Yes he does play in the non cup matches. Doesn’t get much game time but he does play. I know, it’s a no win situation really

Well that’s a shame. My DD plays and the coaches switch players in and out all through the game, either injury or as they start to look knackered for some fresh legs for impact.

Are there others not picked for the matches? It’s probably something he has to accept. Use the time to go to the gym and get stronger?

This is a really good shout, my nephew was devastated after a knee injury which meant he couldn't play football to the standard he prwbiously did anymore so he got involved in coaching and refereeing and loves it.

I don’t think he would be confident enough in the rules

I’m sure they still have a few subs and will swap when needed but don’t do the swapping for the sake of giving kids game time like they do for non cup matches. As it’s a big squad they can afford to be picky with subs too.
I imagine there are others not getting picked for every match but he’s definitely the only one who hasn’t played any of them.

Is there an additional needs rugby option? It's relatively common in football but maybe not rugby.

In the kindest possible way @bluedabadeedabadoo perhaps he needs to learn to accept that rugby isn't his game. Rowing, swimming, cycling, tennis, hockey? Does he play an instrument? DD's BF wasn't sporty and it made him dislike school but he rowed and enjoyed it.

Yer. He is hoping to start ju jitsu after Christmas and hopefully he will get into that.

That is really tough for your son and hard for you to experience for him too. But unfortunately at u15 level they will play the best players, especially in the cup. It's positive he's still getting some game time for other matches and that they haven't dropped him completely. Could he ask the coach what he needs to do to improve to get played more?

Hopefully the Jujitsu works out for him, or look for a lower division team that better matches his ability. This can be easier said though, my son plays a minority sport of which there's only one team in the whole area and I am dreading that there may come a day where he gets dropped.

My son was a dedicated rugby player and was an ok player. He was desperate to be picked for county try outs and it broke my heart to see him passed over and lads, certainly better players but who didn’t care nearly as much, get chosen.
But his loyalty was rewarded somewhat and the last two seasons he was captain. Never got to go to try outs but at least he was chosen for something, and was player of the match (chosen by the other team) a couple times.
It is tough when they are passionate about something but not really good enough at it. But I do think that everyone should get a chance to play in a cup match - after all this is a kids team not professional and one average player is not going to hurt! I might mention it in passing, like say to the coach ‘hey any chance X might have a chance to play in next week’s match? He’s very keen’. A bit of encouragement on behalf of the coach and he may well step up his game!