How do I know what activities I should try for my kids ?

[GladPinkAnt]

Hi, I have two children they're 4 & 6. The older one was attending a variety of classess in the last 2 years such as drama club and gymnastics, but it was stopped because she either didnt like it or it wasnt suitable for our schedule. Now they are both attending drama/dance class once a week and every week they're both crying they don't want to go. Because we dropped out before I'm trying to push through this time to not feel like we're failing again, but what is the point if they hate it so much. After I pick them up they're fine but getting out the house is awful. Those classes are really convenient location/time wise for us, but I'm willing to try something else for them. Apart from that DH takes them swimming once a week. Is it going to look like that, they will be losing interest in every activity after a while? Or is this the point of trying new things at a young age? I want them to pursue their own interests out of school hours, because I think it is very beneficial mentally and skills wise. But how do I find that out what they want to be doing, because whenever I ask they say "I don't know". Im not a fan of starting and quitting every class around us. Wondering whether you have any interesting thoughts on that?

I think you're right it's good to pick something and stay at it. Fitting in with your schedule is hard and can be exhausting!

Do they have swimming lessons?

What would they like to do? Why are they crying and what is it they don't like?

They’re still young.

Is it a tiredness thing rather than activity thing?

Rather than drama, go a different direction- scouting/guiding, football, etc

I don't think there's anything wrong with trying a variety while they're little, until you find what they really want. But equally, some children are very tired from school and may not want to do any other structured activities just yet and that's fine.

One of mine tried a number of activities but didn't stick with anything for long, until he started football at 7 (he hadn't been interested in trying it before that) and is still passionate about it now at 12. Since starting secondary school he's also got into rugby and badminton.

The other has played football since she was 4 (she's now 9). Did gymnastics for a couple of years, then started moaning every week about having to go, so we stopped that, but started theatre school, so she's done that for about 2.5 years now. She's also been horse riding for about 18 months.

More recently both kids have also got into skateboarding so most of our Sundays are spent at the skatepark.

So yes, especially at their young ages, I think it's fine to try different things and drop out of them. There's plenty of time to find their passion.

The only one we insisted on was swimming lessons - private and 1-1 for both due to autism and fear/lack of fear (one was terrified of water, one was lethal due to no fear of water!) they both now swim well at 14 and 18 and have done for years, they enjoy it.

Other than swimming, we went with their interests (if they asked they could try, within reason) but as they got older we did stress that for example, they had to commit a year to rugby to see if they then made the teams, they had to give ice skating at least 10 lessons before ice hockey was a possibility etc. We did whatever they wanted but set reasonably terms around payment etc

So for you OP, I’d say take them out of everything but swimming at their age. Swimming’s non negotiable.

Then, when they have an interest or want to join (for example) Brownies, say ‘sure but I won’t buy you any uniform for one term’ or ‘sure, but Brownies requires one term commitment’. 6 weeks of going is enough to know if they like it. You can ask before buying kit or getting them enrolled as a full member if they want to carry on, if they do, ,make another minimum commitment (say to summer break or Christmas etc). Small chunks of commitment they need to keep up with will increase commitment and make them really give it a try!

Good luck 🍀

Lots of places offer free trials. For example my brownie unit offers two sessions for free to decide if you like it. Or my DD recently did a free ballet trial and her face through the door told me how much she loved it! Can you look up a few activities with free trials, get them to try each one and then ask them to pick a favourite?

Agree with pp about insisting on swimming lessons.

Agree with the above. We'd say that about buying the uniform or paying for a term they had to give it a good go so they'd try it out first before they decided.
One of my children hated swimming lessons but we insisted they went and they are a great swimmer now. By now a lot of 6 year olds will be having lessons.

At their ages I wouldn't worry too much, mine did quite a few things that didn't last for various reasons (lost interest or logistical) but by the end of primary school they were doing a good variety of activities and have maintained some throughout their teenage years and into adulthood. We mainly went by what their friends were doing, I'd hear about things from parents of their friends and suggest it and they could try it if the timings worked. They went right through Scouts and Guides from Beavers and Rainbows to Explorers and Guides. One did drama, dance and swimming for years, the other did football and hockey for years.

Edited to add: if having done a free trial they signed up, we did encourage them to commit properly and see out the term or year or whatever. There was never any question of not going unless they were ill, I wouldn't have forced it if it really was a mistake and they were crying every week but I didn't tolerate a "don't feel like it today" attitude which I did see some of their friends getting away with.

I think they are still young, particularly the 4 year old. I don't see the need to rush now except maybe swimming for the oldest. I'd leave the rest and not try with the youngest at all for another year or so. Their friends at school will start talking about their activities at some point which might encourage them. You may want to add names to Beavers or Brownies lists though as it can be a long waiting list.

Swimming is a non negotiable for me.

Of the dance/drama is too much they may prefer something like a football club?

There is no point paying for or pushing them to go to an activity they don’t enjoy. I made all mine stick at swimming until they could swim 50m but other than that they can try different things. Most activities offer a trial lesson and then they need to commit to six weeks or a term or whatever you have to pay for and then review it. It’s taken one of mine until he was 14 to find his passion but none of the things he tried for a while were wasted.

I would wait until they're a bit older and express an interest in something, especially the four year old. I couldn't be bothered with a battle to get them to an activity they didn't want to go to. Swimming is the only non-negotiable activity because that's for safety.

It's ok for them not to do activities. Of course it's nice for them to have the experiences, but it's not essential. They will likely start to want to go to things their friends go to as they get older.

Thank you for all replies. They've been attending since September and I have already paid till the end of spring term which finishes in 5 weeks, so I'd rather push through until then. They loved it at first but recently they've lost the will. I'm trying to explain this to them that yes we can resign eventually but they have to attend what we committed to so far. I'm not bothered about these particular classess, and I like the suggestions of different clubs. Your responses took some pressure of me. After next month I might just do that try all free trials around and see what they like. The logistics here play a big part as someone mentioned. We went ice skating recently and the older one loved it, but the only place offering lessons is quite a drive from us with traffic at most times, plus we work different shifts and it would be a juggle. On the other hand it's something great to master and have fun with. I suppose it's about balance aswell. DH is teaching them swimming and they have been going consistently for over a year, but maybe it will be worth getting professional lessons as I do think they goof around most of the time.

DD tried lots of things. The rule was she had to attend for a half term(that's how payments worked). We also did free sessions for some things , to see if she'd enjoy it. My thinking was to offer her opportunities to try as many things as possible, but I never forced it.

Through the years she did dancing, ballet, cheerleading, art club, martial arts, gymnastics, MMA, football , netball . That’s the stuff I can remember. Some things, she never made it past the free sessions, some was just the half term, some she did for a while , dropped them and then came back to them. Some she did for years.

The other advantage of doing things their friends are doing is that it can facilitate lift or walking shares, so one set of parents drops off, the other picks up or similar. That makes life easier. Or if it is the sort of activity where you stay, or so far it’s not worth leaving it’s a good opportunity for making some friends amongst the other parents, I enjoyed many an hour nattering on the touchline or poolside (I know it’s not for everyone) which also leads to hearing about other activities or things to do, or volunteering to help out (again not for everyone but I did a couple of long stints on committees and overall found it rewarding).

I think it depends as well on how difficult it would make life for you.

For ten years we have had no help with any clubs from grandparents. It's been a massive juggle at times and exhausting. We get occasional help with one drop off/pick up now and the difference for us is massive. I met a grandparent at one club recently who picks them up from school, feeds them, takes to club and drops back off AND pays for that club, I hope that parent realises how lucky they are.

Sorry derailing but the logistics of it all do need to be considered.

Generally I would say trial session first, then understand they complete the lessons prepaid for. Always recheck before paying next chunk.

If you make then stick for ages at things they hate then it will just put them off giving things a go.

Sounds like they are bored of it or something has happened to stop them enjoying it.

I couldn't be bothered to fight with them to get them to go. Are you going to drama or not? If they say no fine.

The money has gone, why stress about it? I know it's blinking annoying when you've paid for something and they change their minds. But is it really worth the fight to get them to go? I know people will prattle on about lessons in flakiness and resilience.

The only thing I fight about is swimming that's a life skill. Not just swimming but as a backup for other activities all water sports and as a recovery method from injuries.

I think I spent the ages from 4 to 12 trying different classes from horse riding to air cadets to dancing to ice skating Neither of them stuck with anything for long but I maintain that trying things out and then deciding themselves whether they want to stick with it is what gives kids a great sense for taking opportunities. After all, you can only take the horse to water, you can't make it drink.
I now have DD 12 who loves the climbing wall but only wants to do it once a month or less. DS 14 who loves hiking, street dance and drama but only when he fancies it.

They both have a great attitude of trying new stuff out, because they know they can always try something else if they don't like it

When my two were younger, they had swimming lessons, music lessons and a sport lesson every week. Dd did dancing as her sport and continued with it til university. She learned to play keyboard and flute. Ds played football til secondary school and learned to play guitar and keyboard. I insisted they kept these going til they were old enough to articulate why they were proficient or should stop

You could try karate. They get their first belt after about 8 weeks and this seems to motivate them to keep going.

I’ve always made mine attend if I’ve paid and I wouldn’t change that. At 4 you sometimes have to push through a bit. One of mine was painfully shy and it would have been easy to have quit all of her activities at that age but I’m so glad I didn’t as she gets a lot of pleasure from them now at 6 and she’s getting pretty good at some of them. She has always needed a push as she’s bad at doing anything new but without that push would have missed out on a lot.

My eldest is the opposite and would do everything going and just dives straight in now she’s approaching 9 it’s more obvious where her strengths and weaknesses lie. The challenge is now having to prioritise and stop something before taking up anything else.