“Big commitment” activity: thoughts?

[HornungTheHelpful]

Hi, I have three children, aged 7, 5 and 3. 7 year old has been asked to try out for a very time-intensive activity (choir): 3 mornings a week before school, 2 afternoons after school, half a day at the weekend. Of course they may not get selected, but there is a good chance they will. I have very mixed feelings.

7yo is keen to try out, but I am concerned that they don’t understand the commitment. It will also hamstring the whole family, particularly as my partner works away a lot so I will be dragging 3 and 5 along with me.

Would appreciate thoughts of any with experience of this. I’ve tried leaving off thinking about it until we know if he will be accepted but I can’t!

I'd have done it if there was a good reason to (I had one in a similar demanding activity with other children to juggle). I think at 7 I'd be suggesting a choir that meets once a week to see how they find it and if it's something they will want to continue, and maybe expand, in future. Does he have singing lessons already? If not, maybe singing lessons and a once a week after school community choir?

I'd try it and see if they get in before worrying too much about it. They might not get in. they might not like it.

My oldest had similar commitments when a little older, and yes I did have to take the younger ones along. But, I'd take books and crafts and snacks and it was fine. It's also worth making friends with the other parents - plenty of people are happy to lift share for this sort of thing..

Is it for a chorister position? It will rule your lives if so, high days and holidays on top of regular. It is intense.

Let me guess, chorister in a school? Extremely demanding on the child and rest of the family. You can do the trial day but your kid might then beg to do it. I wouldn’t be at all keen I must say.

Yep - it’s a cathedral chorister, but no change of school. He already sings and does a couple of instruments, which is why I think they’re keen. It’s not a trial day - it’s a full audition. He applied to go on a trial day and they came back asking him to audition now.

He may well not get in but if he does I suspect it will be a quick turn around - which is why I need to think about it now

Big commitment but what a wonderful opportunity. Your son must be very talented. Good luck with whatever you decide

Thank you, but he hasn't got it yet! I think 7 is too early to tell if they have aptitude really - he certainly doesn't have a talent for practising! I suspect they are short of boys at the moment, hence the urgency to audition him. I'd sort of expected him to go on a day this year, maybe one next year and audition when around 9, if he wanted to. So my timeline has been brutally shortened.

Since he is apparently musical I would support this. Yes, ex chorister family here. It is a big commitment, can be tying but also wonderful and an excellent basis for anything musical going forward. He needs to want to do it of course, but it sounds like he does.

Thanks - that's helpful. He is keen at the moment but not sure he understands the degree of the commitment. I know it can be great fun (one of my sisters was a chorister, but at a much older age, around the time cathedral choirs started taking girls and loved it) but worry it is too much for him!

Presumably if he is accepted they would start him as a probationer and you can see how it goes and pull him out if it’s too much. In my son’s former choir the probationers had a much lower level of commitment. I’d have a chat with the choirmaster so you know the detail. Best wishes and good luck if he goes for it.

My son began chorister life at 7 in Y3. It was a huge commitment and the Christmas/ Easter seasons were brutal (but got easier as he got older and more experienced). It has been hugely rewarding though. He loved his time as a chorister and made life long friends. He has gone on to sing at the Royal Opera House now that he is at secondary school.

It's a huge commitment but also a huge opportunity that you could not replicate elsewhere.

It seems hard on the other two dc though. My brother and I were both choristers (the girls' choir was separate from the boys' so it was double the rehearsals) and my parents used to lift share with local families, which helped.

Fwiw, I absolutely loved it.

If they are desperate for boys, it is likely that there will still be places for him in a couple of years time although it might be more competitive for him to join then and his immediate peers will have more experience than him.
If they are desperate, I think you have to ask yourself why? Have a couple of senior boys' voices broken so they have had to promote younger boys and so have vacancies? Or have other children pulled out and, if so, why? If the timeline has changed, do they usually take children as full choristers at this age and are they appropriately set up for it? I thought Yr3 was a fairly typical age to start but the fact that you thought it was another couple of years away suggests not.
Realistically, how will it work? Is it a question of you dropping your son off with the little ones in the car and heading home to give them breakfast and get ready or will they have to be up and dressed and the hang around with you? Do any of the existing choristers live locally and can you lift share with them? Will he have to attend all practices in his first year or just some of them? What is the etiquette about services and whether you can miss them other than for illness?

Would you in general support activities with a higher level of commitment in if showing promise (swimming, gymnastics, dance etc.) If so I would let him try out. Often musical talent is noticeable at this age and the choral training top notch and useful for any musical direction you may go in.

I would be hesitant because of the impact on the other children. Will you be able to facilitate activities for them as well, or will your whole life just focus on him.

I wouldn't just assume they're desperate for boys, especially if it doesn't require boarding. Many boys audition for the big cathedrals and don't succeed. I also disagree that is too early to tell if he'd be a good chorister. Most cathedrals audition boys from Y2. It's an absolutely brilliant experience ... if the child is fully into it. Yes - it's tough on the siblings though, but maybe they'd follow the same path when their time comes?
Has he done a Chorister experience day as well as the informal trial?
That should give him a flavour of what's involved.
Definitely wouldn't tie yourself in knots before you have an offer though. Then you can see how he really feels. You can maybe ask if he can attend some rehearsals etc and see how he feels before signing on the dotted line.
And yes, you should have a whole probationary year where both sides decide whether it's the right fit before the big commitment really hits.
We spent a long time thinking about it and attending events and ultimately, DS was adamant he wanted to try. He started at the earliest intake point at 8. He was 7 when he auditioned though. I'd let him audition and then if it's a yes, chat through all your concerns and queries with the DoM, school, other chorister parents.

I worry about this too! It won't stop either of them doing similarly intensive hobbies when they are old enough to, but as they are both too young at the moment it will mean a fair amount of being dragged around and that it may feel to them like all the effort is being expended on one child.

I guess you just have to make sure it evens out over time.

Thank you! There are some really useful things to think about and questions to ask, if it becomes necessary.

While I appreciate many do start this young, my concern is whether it's right for him and whether in our individual circumstances I could support this and the other two children sufficiently. I need to feel that it is at least possible in order to let him try out because if I don't think realistically I could do that, then it's not fair to him or anyone else for him to try out. So I've had to talk to grandparents about support they could give etc., even in advance of the trial, which may seem presumptuous but hope in the context you can see it isn't.

I'm absolutely for activities where an aptitude is shown, it's just when this level of intensity started for me (in a sport) and my sister (as a chorister) I was about 13 and she was 16. It seems very early on to be popping all one's eggs in a particular basket, but I think that is one that I can leave off thinking about unless he gets an offer. But the rest I really felt I had to sort my thoughts out on beforehand, and this thread has really helped, so thank you.

You sound super sensible and measured about it all and it's parents like you that actually make things like this work! I never understand the ones that go in blindly and then start to question it all once they're in! Im sure you'll make the right decision. Please let us know how it goes!

Do post back and let us know how he gets on. My son found it hard work but rewarding and says he was glad he did it. He plays and sings in a band for fun these days.

DS was a cathedral chorister. He started asking to audition at the start of Year 3 but we thought he was too young at that stage (summer baby). He kept asking at intervals, and we finally gave in and let him audition at the end of Year 4. He started as a chorister at the beginning of Year 5 and had a great experience (and starting later didn't limit his musical training or the development of his voice).

If you're unsure, rather than feeling you have to make a final decision one way or the other now, one option would be to wait until he's a little older and re-evaluate then.

I'm trying not to "out" them but I know a fair few children who sing in the boys and girls choirs at the local abbey. Yes it does mess up Christmas and many Sunday mornings, but it is an excellent musical education. DD(17)'s friend plans to work in the choral field post Uni. A local family should be renamed the Von Trapps; I believe all 4 have spent a good few years in the choir (and the older ones can take the younger ones).

Another of DD's friends (male - 17) took the opportunity to focus on instrumental stuff when their voice broke at about 10/11(?) or perhaps it was lockdown.

In terms of logistics (and I can only really talk from the perspective of dealing with swimming/hockey/running) is there likely to be scope to lift share with another family (they don't need to be the same age)?

Thanks for all your input. Audition went well and he was offered a place. He’s starting on Monday but we are giving it two months before reassessing. Really appreciate all the help I’ve had on this thread 😊

Thank you for updating and good luck to him. I hope he enjoys it and that you enjoy some wonderful concerts down the line, if it works out.

Congratulations to your DS! I hope he has a wonderful time - it really is a very special experience for a musical child.