Autumn / Winter 24 - music thread

[northerngoldilocks]

Feels like time for a new thread for the new school year!

Come and talk about music lessons, choosing instruments, exams, auditions, specialist schools, orchestras or whatever other music activities are going on. Everyone is welcome, from those with total beginners to those whose children are studying music at advanced levels. Ask for advice or share successes or struggles.

Aargh I hate waiting for exam results. I've been checking the ABRSM website approximately every five minutes!

The wait is so hard @StuntNun - was it F2F or online submission? I've seen on the ABRSM FB group that online are taking longer at the moment - seems to be around 16 days in case that helps?

It's a performance exam @northerngoldilocks and it's only been six days so I know the result won't be available for ages! It almost makes me wish for the days when you had to wait for the teacher to tell you.

@Compsearch I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned Pro Corda yet, but they have residential courses for strings and piano. I say residential but I do know someone who attendend as a day student when DD was there. Good course and lots of supporting skills too in Dalcroze and musicianship.

Thank you for the other reccos @chocolateisnecessary and @yodaforpresident!

Both look great and definitely also on my list for future years. The most junior one of the English Symphony courses would work but we are on hols this year and I think DS is too young/not good enough for pro corda yet. Very exciting that there is so much going on.

It’s been a little while since I posted. Just wondering if there are any parents here with musical children who are neurodivergent? To cut a long story short, DS is in year 10 with some struggles that have become increasingly evident since year 7. He is currently undergoing assessment for autism and inattentive ADHD - we’re now awaiting the outcome from the psychologists as to whether he meets the diagnostic threshold. He is a talented woodwind player with grade 8 distinction on one instrument and working towards grade 8 on the other. We’ve had to increasingly cut back on his extracurricular musical commitments as he is exhausted by masking all day at school. Despite the adjustments, he’s still struggling to find the motivation to practise during the week but generally manages to wing it in his instrumental lessons. When he does practise, he generally puts in a good effort and genuinely seems to enjoy it (his mood often noticeably lifts) - the real issue seems to be getting started. In holidays, he tends to practise most days. He similarly struggles with motivation to start homework. He currently has absolutely no idea whether he wants to pursue music beyond A-level but at this stage, it doesn’t seem very realistic given his current struggles to put in the hours. Competitions (unless it’s in school) and residentials are also off-limits as he finds it far too stressful. Just wondering if anyone has any tips or strategies that have been helpful for their neurodivergent children in terms of supporting their musical development? Unfortunately, he has to do 10 GCSEs so there’s no wriggle room academically. Transition to a specialist music school has been suggested to us for sixth form but he’s very settled in his current school and has absolutely no desire to change.

@amr78 my DD was ND. She massively struggled at her academic London secondary school as she was very much a square peg in a round hole. Her headmistress was herself a music grad and still piled the pressure on as she might mess the schools GCSE stats up. This was despite the head of Junior Guildhall calling her on a number of occasions to say that the way the school was behaving was unacceptable. She then went to Wells as a specialist for sixth form and it was as if a different child emerged from the chrysalis as they both recognised her SEN and adapted (for the most part) to deal with it and also weren't trying to shoehorn a musical child with no interest in anything else into an academic space. Frankly I think she'd have become suicidal if she hadn't had that break.

@Londonmummy66 that sounds incredibly tough but glad you’re DD thrived at Wells. Shocking that even with Guildhall’s involvement the school didn’t take note. We’re on a steep learning curve with DS. Unfortunately, school have not been terribly helpful as he gives the impression that he’s managing. Couldn’t even get the SEN lead to have a conversation with me because DS doesn’t as yet, have an official diagnosis. Thankfully, the head of music has been more supportive as DS has given so much to the school. DS (and DH) is absolutely adamant he’s not changing schools for sixth form. Am therefore optimistically hoping that the report will contain recommendations regarding reasonable adjustments etc. Still makes it challenging at home though as the school day just totally depletes his batteries so his energy levels and motivation for anything extra, be it homework or practise, just aren’t there.

@amr78 mine is recently diagnosed ADHD although we’ve known for years. He went to specialist school for 6th form which was really good for him. He still took a winging it approach to a lot of it though. Now 3rd year conservatoire and he’s managing much better but I think diagnosis and (imminent) support has something to do with that.

The ABRSM website has gone from Queued for Marking to Marking Scheduled. Progress!

@StuntNun - fingers crossed....
@amr78 - is it possible to carve any practice time out of his school day - perhaps phrase it as being able to get away to a practice room where he gets a break from masking helps with regulation etc? DD dropped a couple of subjects in Year 9 and we were initially told she could practice then but that was rescinded. Might he be able to practice in a break or lunchtime? Mine had to learn to be immensely organised (also a cathedral chorister) and became quite adept at squeezing music or prep into every spare 20 minutes she had. Once she had her diagnosis (dyspraxia mainly) she was pretty blatant about not bothering to mask and also pretty blunt about her priorities. (On one occasion she reduced her English teacher to tears by telling her that her music practice was more important than her English homework - as to her it was!) Hopefully when he has his diagnosis things will improve.

Also once he's out of school he'll find unis are mostly well set up for neurodivergent students and DSA advisors are pretty keen on chucking the kitchen sink at you in terms of support.

@Siriusmuggle good to hear that your DS is doing well. Does sound like specialist music school is a good option for 6th form but this is unfortunately the minority view in our household currently. Think it would be good stepping stone towards Uni and would also give DS some space away from his younger brother who has unfortunately had to bare the brunt of a lot of his behaviour.

@Londonmummy66 DS did have a pretty good routine going with his practise for his grade 8 last summer but the wheels have well and truly come off since then in terms of his motivations levels. I have suggested practising in school before and it wasn’t well received but might revisit it again. Hopefully he can regain some momentum over half term. I am a little anxious about the outcome of the assessments and how DS will respond as he’s rather reluctant to acknowledge there is any issue at all. Certainly think he meets the criteria for inattentive ADHD but less convinced re: autism.

I’m not sure that specialist school would solve the problem with motivation to practise, in all honesty.
My DS went to one for 6th form and although he had one or two scheduled early morning practice sessions, the rest was up to him to fit in.
Also, there was quite a lot of friction between the music teachers and the academic teachers - each felt that they should take precedence and no slack was offered; the timetable was described as “brutal” by houseparents.

The result came in quickly at just under one week and it was a distinction for grade 6 piano!

Our experience is similar - the timetable is overwhelming and I don't understand how the boarders manage their practice, especially boys as they often need more time to develop executive functioning skills.

Great result - well done!

Dd has just finished a great run with the school musical. She sang and danced her socks off! She is SO tired but utterly on a high.

@amr78 have you researched "task initiation paralysis"? (please don't be scared by the word! 🙂 )
It's a well documented problem both for ASD and ADHD, I'm sure there are lots of guidelines on the internet.
My ASD child is not musical so I've no personal tips on music practice but it will be affecting life in general anyway. Coping strategies like having fixed routines, breaking the tasks down into smaller bits etc can help to some extent.

@Ubertomusic @Alwaysplayspicc that does sound brutal - DS definitely wouldn’t manage that with his executive functioning as it is. And as he’s a doubling woodwind player, he tends to get hammered with a lot of ensembles.
@Ubertomusic yes I’ve been reading about autistic inertia and I definitely think that this is happening for him. And he’s just constantly tired even though he gets plenty of sleep. He’s had bloods done recently so we know it’s not a physical cause that’s underlying it.

Mine was fine with the practice, the A levels were lower down his list 😆

😁yes, it's finding the balance I was thinking of!

6th form is probably different if they're 100% sure they are going to conservatoire, A levels wouldn't matter that much, I guess.

Anyway, I would be wary of moving an autistic teenager from a school they are well settled in. If an ND young person is obsessed with music and unhappy in his non-specialist school, then of course it would be a good option to consider, but @amr78 's DS is not sure if he wants to focus on music and is happy in his school (and it's so rare in SEN children I would prioritise this above many other things).

@StuntNun well done - fantastic!

@amr78 and @Alwaysplayspicc perhaps the balance is easier with woodwind. DD2 isn't finding the specialist school music very brutal at the moment. Maybe she should be finding it more brutal(!) And maybe sixth form will be worse.

I guess if DD2 was serious about a big solo career (fat chance on bassoon) they'd be making her do more practice. As it is they are very tolerant of someone who is still flirting with whether it is conservatoire she wants or a degree in English Literature, and they always say they're very happy with her.

What I will say is that the thing that has helped DD2 to want to practice more is that everyone else is doing it. When you're the 'weirdo' at your school who plays instruments and everyone thinks the half an hour a day you are doing is very extreme it is easy to feel that you're an outlier.

When both your roommates practice daily for quite some time then obviously you do too, even if you whinge about it. It's just normal. Even if it does make your academic teachers a bit grumpy. So there's no real pushback against it.

And I guess when you are in tons of ensembles maybe you are always 'practising' in some way. Some days DD2 might have a one hour one-to-one lesson, a quintet, a choir practice, a double reed ensemble, a flute ensemble and a symphony orchestra sectional (that would be quite a normal day) as well as a practice period and early morning practice and her school lessons. By the end of a day like that she's done quite a lot of playing, and I guess it all adds up.

The boarding does give them lots more time - it's a very efficient way of doing school so DD does get more playing in.

Having said that, @amr78 if DS doesn't want to go I don't think he should! It really has to be their choice as they have to own it and live it. My DD1 would HATE what DD2 does all day, but DD2 just keeps adding more and more of it.

@Ubertomusic he really has no clue what he wants to do currently, although he’s fairly certain on A-level music. Guess we just need to take it one step at a time at the moment as am mindful the outcome of the assessments has the potential to destabilise things. One of his teachers is giving him the opportunity to play in some of his gigs with professional musicians which he seems to be quite up for. He’s also managed to win the house music solo finals again this year despite the lackadaisical practise!

@minisnowballs I agree there is something to be said for being influenced by what other people are doing (or not doing!) around you! DS doesn’t have any friends in his peer group who are musical so I can imagine he does feel quite isolated in that regard. Specialist music school has merely been put to him as a suggestion (backed up by 2 heads of woodwind at specialist music schools saying they certainly think he has the ability) but we would never force the issue. DH and I both boarded and were given absolutely no say in this so we’re very conscious that it would be a decision he would have to make.

@amr78 well great to have the option - but also great to be able to choose not to. Sounds like he's doing fantastically musically to be honest and getting some great opportunities- and that you're handling it really well.

Mine too!!

Oof, task initiation paralysis. I think I have that. Judging by my 4000-word essay that remains unstarted...

DS had a sixth-form taster day yesterday, and then parents' evening. Permission to boast - he got 30 out of 30 for his GCSE solo performance element, and 58 out of 60 for his drama practical. A level music teacher is thrilled he'll be doing it!