I was surprised to see the controversy whip up on this thread about the demographic of a course (I know nothing about the course itself!). I'm normally mostly a lurker and here to ask questions about music opportunities and find this thread really useful, but the discussion has really struck a chord with me and I wanted to share my perspective. It's not meant to be taking sides or arguing with anyone. I don't like that side of social media and don't choose to get involved with it. But some people have been asking why does demographic matter to children and seem to find it odd that some children notice differences, so I thought I would share our experiences to see if it helps explain some of it.
I went to a fee paying school but of the sort which was once upon a time a direct grant grammar school (not fancy). I went to Oxford at a time when, particularly in my College, sooooo many people were public school educated and either seemed to know each other or be able to find a "one person removed" connection almost immediately. These experiences can make you feel "other" and that can be hard. In time you get used to it and those people become your friends and the differences recede into the background but it can make it harder to find your feet, however lovely your new contemporaries are. My husband is public school educated and went to a completely different university but almost immediately found all sorts of common connections when he met that group of my friends when we first got together, when my connection with them was simply meeting at university and getting along. Oddly I then went into a profession that is dominated by Oxbridge educated people and I suddenly found myself in the "in crowd" who kind find connections through that experience. I have a close colleague who came from a different excellent university and I know she found that hard when she started out. As humans we naturally always look for connections and common ground when we find ourselves in a new place. We feel better, more secure and more confident when we find them and we feel the opposite and outsides when we can't.
My kids are now at State schools. We are lucky enough to live in an area with good schools and it is a great experience for them, but the one area that is under resourced is music, particularly orchestral music - both in their schools and also in our local music service which is staffed by passionate people but really struggles for members.
We work hard to give our kids lots of opportunities outside of school as a result and they thrive with them, but it is the one time that I do notice some differences with how they experience those things, particularly at the beginning when they first started to be exposed to the courses, residentials etc.
As an example, my eldest has a great friend at an excellent fee paying school in London. They go on courses together sometimes because they love it and love each other. My eldest is perfectly happy but she does notice that her friend always knows quite a number of the other children there from her school music network so immediately on arrival she will have someone to chat to (and often several people) while my daughter will be with the other children starting out on the sidelines feeling shy (and where "there" is varies year on year but her friend always knows at least someone). When she goes to courses without her friend she is very much on the sidelines at the start. Her friend has been more adapted to the experiences they have because she does orchestral and chamber music at school and, as a result, her friend finds the courses less intimidating and more familiar territory. It doesn't stop my daughter having a great time (and with experience of these things she has built up more of her own network so she notices much less now), but getting started has taken a bit of guts from her to find her feet feeling more of an outsider.
I'm not suggesting she is alone in this because she has come to know other children with her background on their various residentials etc but the core of kids who arrive knowing each other or who find someone in common and therefore start out seeming to be the "in" crowd tend to be from fee paying schools. And I should say that our experience of the adults running these courses is that they are just marvellous and they work really hard on team building and closing the gaps and the kids have (mostly) been great too. The kids from the fee paying schools aren't being unkind. They don't see that they have these advantages and probably don't even notice that there are shy kids lingering around the edges who start out knowing no one and often have no idea about some of the terminology and etiquette of group music because of lack of experience. My daughter has always come away with new friends once she had found her feet.
Same goes for JDs. It has been more of a step for my younger daughter to adapt because her tiny state primary does almost no music, hardly any of the children in her class play anything and the ones that do are at beginner level. She got herself there from 20 minute lessons each week in term time from the local music service. So she doesn't have the experience of having class music lessons in a dedicated music department with dedicated music teachers with children in her class who play orchestral instruments who can contribute to the discussion around what they are learning. So she was absolutely baffled by her music theory and music appreciation classes at first and it really panicked her. I am sure these same points apply to some of the children from fee paying schools because there is always a spectrum but I think the example is sound. The staff at the JD she goes to are, again, marvellous and very aware of the need to close gaps. She has found her feet and her voice and is now doing well, but it was really hard for her to get stuck in at first because it was so very alien to her.
I think that is why these issues matter and should be discussed. It is not about demonising any of the children from one group of other, or suggesting that they are in any way unkind or not inclusive themselves. Or about saying that the children aren't confident enough or haven't been taught to be confident enough by their parents. And it certainly isn't about criticising the committed adults who often work in these areas precisely because these are gaps they are committed to closing.
But from my perspective this is why some children ask questions about the demographic of an experience, why they sometimes find it hard and why it can matter to them. They might not analyse or articulate it in this way, but to me it is simply that it is easier to find your feet in an environment that feels familiar, where you may know other children and find connections and are doing activities you are familiar with, than if you do not feel these things and, as a result, feel "other". And you are more likely to fall into the first group if you are at a fee paying school with lots of energetic musical parents and a music department and less so if you are at a 2000 child state school that can barely scrape together 15 kids to play in its "symphony" orchestra and has one music teacher running the show.
I don't know the solution to any of this but I do know that I am always so sincerely grateful that more and more of the specialist musical opportunities out there recognise these things and try so hard to find ways to be inclusive and break the ice.