Anxiety around competing

[popandchoc]

My daughter has been doing cheerleading for 2 1/2 years and has really enjoyed it . She has done 9 competitions over those years and has always enjoyed this element . In the last couple of weeks she has had some anxiety around school which resulted in her missing some school ‘feeling sick’ before we got to the bottom of it being worrying / anxiety . Head of year is dealing with it well and put some things in place to help her .

Yesterday she had a competition and did say she was nervous but seemed ok then just before they had to go and warm up she burst into tears . She did go off but ended up only doing part of the routine . To be honest I was really glad she went on as not doing it wouldn’t have helped in the long run and also would have let everyone else down . Afterwards she was much happier and seemed ok and her team still did well which was good .

She has another competition in 2 weeks so worried it might happen again but at the same time don’t want to project anything on to her . Has anyone experienced anything similar and can suggest things that help prepare / keep them calm ?

You tell her that she doesn't have to do it if she doesn't want to, she can choose, and you will support that decision 100% either way.

Whatever you do, don't let her think that she needs to do it otherwise you will be disappointed in her. Don't make a point of saying that she will be letting other team members down.

She has bigger things going on in her head at the moment, and she needs support with that first.

How old is she?

Does she ever display other anxiety?

At 6 and 7 my dd loved cheerleading.

At 9 she had really bad anxiety about school for about 4 weeks.

Diagnosed AUDHD at 16. Fell apart at secondary.

Tell her it's okay and doesn't matter if she doesn't want to do it anymore. Be guided by what she wants not what you think she should do.

She says she does want to continue . Try outs for the next year are in a couple of weeks and if she didn’t want to I’d be fine with it .
She is 13 so I’m sure hormones etc are playing a part too . She has had a few moments over the last few years but not as bad as this and didn’t last long . She was worried about a dance exam and gymnastics competition but did really well at both . She’s always been very hard on herself .
This current period of anxiety has been going on about 2 weeks .

Extreme self-consciousness then, probably. 13 is a tough age.

@popandchoc have you asked her if she it enjoys it once she is out there cheering? My DD is now grown up and an MT professional, but at 13 got very anxious about performances and is also a perfectionist too.
We talked about performing and she would say once she was out there doing it she was fine and would be very pumped up afterwards. We talked about that feeling nervous and wanting to do your best to not let everyone else in the cast down was normal. My DD is also a performer who needs to just be a bit in her own head before she performs and working this out and slightly stepping back from those who need to pull themselves up really helped.

@Needanadultgapyear thanks that’s good to hear your daughter managed to get through it , I do think age has a lot to do with it .

We’ve had a few more chats and she says it makes her really nervous to perform but she’s happy after . I’ve said to her she doesn’t haven’t to do it next year so she’s going to think about it as she gets a few weeks off after next week .
To be honest if she doesn’t want to do it , it will save me loads of money and we’ve said she can do a dance class or something as she mentioned wanting to do that .

Dealing with the pre exam/performance anxiety will be really helpful for her in the future though especially if she is perfectionist type..
so maybe helping her unpick things that help..
Is it being somewhere quiet by herself?
Or being distracted by music in noise cancelling headphones.. look at how many athletes come out with headphones on....!

Meditation can be v powerful esp as a teen .. we used a cd called rays of calm ...as was about relaxing But i'm sure there's probably loads now

Bachs rescue remedy do a chewy pastilles which gives a physical impact too.

It's very useful to have as a skill irrespective of whether she continues to perform or not..

Funnily enough she was nervous about having her HPV jab at school today and i gave her some rescue remedy pastilles and she said they helped.

She is also having some school issues with being nervous about exams and head of year said you need to do exams to get resilient which i do agree with.

Meditation sounds like a good one to look into as well thanks!

We’ve had a few more chats and she says it makes her really nervous to perform but she’s happy after

But that's absolutely normal. The biggest names in theatre and music will admit to pre-performance nerves. Can you do a Google search on any artists she particularly admires + stage fright or nerves, to see if they've ever talked about it, and what techniques they use, if any?

Or are there any ballet and theatre type novels of the type Noel Streatfeild and others wrote which might deal with similar issues?

Of course if she's really no longer enjoying any part of it, then it's OK to give up, but it would be a shame to give up something she otherwise loves because a small part of it is becoming something bigger than it really is.

Dealing with the pre exam/performance anxiety will be really helpful for her in the future though especially if she is perfectionist type..
I second this.

Feeling nervous before a performance or competition is entirely normal and doesn’t need to be pathologised. It shows you care about doing well.

It can help to reframe it as excitement, which is a positive emotion, rather than anxiety which has so many negative connotations these days. Also accepting the nerves as a known part of the build up to the event and not letting them become overwhelming, and then using the energy to help you perform better.

We had this with my child’s running competitions. I think it was largely because my father always wanted to know where he came in the competition and so the result felt important. Sadly, my father passed away but since then we have tried to focus much more on just doing ‘our’ best. I think it is good to keep at it and to not do so well in some of the competitions because it builds resilience and a joy of just participating rather than the result. That is an important lesson in all areas of life. My child still gets anxious before a race but is so much better than before.

It sounds like you are pathologising a very normal way to feel and actually making it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

I think constantly asking her in the run up to the next competition if she really wants to do it, are you sure, you can pull out and let everyone down if you feel nervous... would be the worst thing to do. You are adding the responsibility of that decision on top of the normal nerves.

She is doing it, she has signed up for it, you can now reinforce that every single person feels that way before performing and that she did really well last time and will enjoy it when she's there.

You need to impress on her that it is a team sport, and she is either in or she's out.It is extremely selfish and dangerous to bail out when she is partway through a group cheer routine.Cheer stunts require a certain number of bases and back and front stops. Her selfishness could put a child at risk of life changing injury.

Yes she knows that which is why she did all the stunting and just none of the tumbles / jumps which is what her coaches told her to do . The team actually still came 3rd out of 7 so thankfully didn’t impact anything much .
she did the last competition or the season and was very nervous , up the night before complaining of stomach aches but went on the day and did the whole routine .

she is finding out tomorrow what team she has made for next year so she can either decide then if she wants to do it any more or I said she can do first few weeks before they put the routine together but once they have done that she needs to stick at it so she doesn’t let anyone down .