Ballet on Monday, Judo on Tuesday, Violin on Wednesday…

[Cattenberg]

DD is in Year 1. Some of her friends do extra-curricular activities most weekdays, then have busy weekends. For example, one girl often goes to stay with relatives who live 100 miles away.

DD wouldn’t cope with this kind of schedule. She has a swimming lesson once a week after school, plus a dance class on Sunday mornings (which is term-time only). She’s supposed to do a bit of her reading/spelling homework after school on her non-swimming days, but didn’t do any yesterday as she was overtired and had a tantrum.

How many extra-curricular activities do your kids do? Do they like being on-the-go all the time, or would they spend all their free time in front of screens if you let them?

In years 1-3 I think we limited if to 1 or 2.

By year 6 dd has 2 or 3. Ds in y9 has 2 but one of them involves training multiple times a week.

Be led by what you feel your child (or more importantly you) can cope with not what you feel they ought to be doing. I know someone who's kids do so may activities, firstly they earn a lot more than me but they also have huge amounts of grandparent help. Someone else is hope cooking tea and looking after the other kids while one parent takes a child to a club. Grandparents do the cleaning and gardening and cook Sunday lunch on a w/e. Not so in my life so I can't juggle as much.

My older two are very busy now - they both have a sport that involves multiple trainings. Then one does piano and one drama & art and one attends one swim lesson. It’s seems overalls busy but they are happy and they want to do it. They would also be happy to be on screens I’m sure! One of them in particular needs a lot of exercise.

The youngest just does one swim class and one gymnastics class for now. She would get too tired with too much running around.

every child is different. I think ages 7-11 is peak age for wanting to try everything and do everything and I just go with it. As they get older they will likely just stick with the one thing they enjoy the most.

Honestly the right answer can be so different for every kid and every family.

I had an All The Activities childhood and DH had a childhood of one or two things a week. We figured there was probably a happy middle ground but it turns out DS is an all-in kid and does his best at school and everything else when he is learning other things every night. He’s 10. I can’t make it make sense - it seems like he should need more downtime, but every time we’ve tried that, he becomes very twitchy and distracted. He loves the things he has chosen and he’s incredibly driven at getting better and better at them, and then school goes hand in hand and he takes that same attitude and focus to school. Half-term and that sort of thing he will switch off and rest and then he’s bouncing and ready to jump back in.

I would tell anyone it’s bonkers and too much, and honestly if it was just me noticing the pattern, I would be doubting myself so much, but everyone else from school, family, so forth notices exactly the same. So that works for us! We just try to have a safety net of reminding him often he can cut back any time (and probably will need to when we get to exam years), so he always knows it’s not an expectation to keep going full tilt.

Hi OP this could turn into competitive parenting thread! People do what’s right for their child. Or what their child wants to do. It’s important to expose them to different things at an age appropriate time and then when they get older they choose. I won’t list all my kids activities but for example my eldest excels at sports but has decided to focus on a couple rather than too many to build her skillset. This means for one sport we are county level now.

I think mine would watch screens all the time if I let them, hence why we do activities. Ours are just ramping up to 3 days a week in y2 but often something extra for beavers on a weekend, or we go away to see husbands family for a weekend etc.

all depends on the kid I think, but also the working pattern and family dynamic, there’s a balance to be struck and it’s nice to have a family dinner at a decent time without having to rush off a few times a week.

My dc can barely cope with one after school activity a week. School exhausts them and they desperately need down time to cope.

Also, there are four of them so one activity each = four things a week.

Perhaps it depends on the individual child. Mine was a live wire full of beans who was interested in everything, and never seemed to run out of energy. She did more than some other kids because she could.

My friend's dd, on the other hand, did Brownies and a swimming lesson and that was that.

Agree, I think it depends on the child. Mine does a lot but she loves them all and is a full
of energy, never sits down type and doesn’t seem to need much sleep (never has). I’m wary of trying new things with her because she will want to take it up as a new hobby. So we have to limit her. If she had her way she’d be doing 3 things every night. It’s Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sun at the moment. Plus choir and piano at school during the day. I’m hoping as she gets older she’ll concentrate on one or two things rather than wanting to do everything. We are lucky as we only have her so we have been able to let her do what she wants.

DS is in reception. He does Squirrels one weekday evening and swimming on a Saturday morning. He also does musical theatre and football, but these are clubs run after school and on the school site, so more of a continuation of the school day. If he wasn't there, he'd have to go to the general after school club anyway as we're still working, and this way he gets to try out a few activities and see if he likes them.

Kids are different. My eldest thrives on doing one or two things but plenty of downtime at home.

My youngest likes to be seeing people and doing stuff much more. After a couple of quiet days at home in the holidays he starts to get down and miserable until he can Do Something again!

I have twins who couldn't be more different, one has a jam packed schedule, the other does as little as possible. My DD sometimes does 2 things in a day, if anything the biggest issues are clashes and working around everything. It puts a strain on us but I don't want to be a barrier to anything for her. DS had to be really encouraged to do anything and stopped and started many many things before finding a few things he likes. As a parent I could be viewed and judged very differently depending on which kid you know me through. My eldest DS has been successful at one sport and has a really intense training schedule, often involving driving distances and this tends to be priority.

To be honest I find it all too much and very very stressful. I manage 2 DC calendar, DH manages another and we have 2 cars. There is so much admin and co ordination not to mention laundry etc. But it's only for a few years that it intensifies and we are just getting through it. I'm naturally much more like DS2 and want to just chill out.

If both patents are working and not picking up until 5.30/6pm... the child will be more tired and less time to fill. If theyget picked up by 3.30pm... less tired, more time to fill!

I could honestly say DD does activities 6 days a week... but Mon-Thurs she does these activities at school. Her school finishes at 2.45pm (Secondary). She then choses to attend the clubs on offer (this term she doing Badminton, Science, Dance and just chosing between film making and Athletics). Then Scouts on a Friday and Climbing on a Saturday. We only have to drive her to climbing.

DD2s schedule sounds less hectic, but is more hectic. Drama (at school) on Mondays, Scouts Wednesdays, Rugby on Friday and Sunday. She needs driving to Scouts and Rugby, we don't get home until 9pm on Wednesday and Fridays. Plus early start on Sundays! She will probably do a few clubs at Secondary when she starts in September

I do sometimes wander when I see DC1 in a family get loads of hobby, how DC2+ will be able to have time to do the same.

Dd in KG and does basically 7:30 to 12:30 at school, 7 activities over 5 days all sports/physical activity. But she is small and doesn’t tire easily, she really struggles if she doesn’t have an active day. We do reading 5 days a week as well for 20 minutes. Kids are different though and I give her lots of opportunities to exercise because it makes her genuinely happy and seems to keep her sane.

We did loads when the kids were little - ballet, tap, modern, gymnastics, swimming, choir, kick boxing, martial arts…luckily neither of mine were blessed with a musical bone in their bodies. Choir lasted a few weeks, ballet lasted about 7 years for DD, tap and modern about 4, swimming lasted until they got to grade 7, Kick boxing lasted a term.

They’re late teens now. DD is a national medalist in gymnastics and DS has just got his black belt in MMA. Let them try lots of things - most will drop off - some will drop off and then they’ll pick them up again (DS dropped MMA for 2 years and then started again). The important thing is to be supportive - making sure they have the right kit, getting them there on time, etc. and when they don’t want to do it anymore, stop without fuss (except swimming until they’re reasonably competent).

Extra curricular activities have been great for a few reasons - almost all school sport is geared towards big, strong, fast, kids. Mine are little and bendy. If they’d only done school PE they’d have gone through life thinking they were at best mediocre at sport, but they have both found activities where they excel, and that has given them a lot of confidence. In addition, when my DD started gymnastics, her ballet training really helped accelerate her progress, and both kids have a good circle of friends from beyond school. In my DD’s case, her closest friend is from gym.

I agree with everyone this is a case where every child is different but also every family set up.

If you have a sahp or a PT working parent that also changes things. You can collect them at 3.30pm do an activity 4-5pm and be home eating dinner at 5.30 before some children have even left ASC!

Like others my ds tried various activities when younger. Always 1 swim lesson a week and then another activity.

He took up swimming in a club at 12 which took up a few evenings a week and then competitions. Now he trains twice a day 5 days a week and competitions. He started late to that level but he's benefitted from being a late starter as he hasn't burned out.

I agree that each child / family is different. My DC did lots of activities but whatever works for you is fine!

My ds only ever did swimming. He was in asc until 5:30pm, 4 days a week. On my day off, I choose swimming for him to do as it's a life skill. Would have been nice to do more, but that was life.

It doesn't matter what everyone else does. Do what is best for your child. Personally, I think spending time with them but also allowing them to be on their own, learning how to amuse themselves is an important life lesson. It feeds their imagination. No to screens as well.

I think mine would watch screens all the time if I let them, hence why we do activities.

Same. He has never been one to occupy himself industriously reading about the solar system or building electrical circuits, so he does cubs, parkrun, football, more football, and lots of playdates. And he still spends way too much time on screens (he is playing the untitled goose game right now while waiting to go to junior parkrun ).

In year 1 mine only had swimming lessons and one musical instrument.

Now between them we have a full schedule but individually they have nights off. I try and keep Saturday free. Sunday is football

My DD had a similar schedule to yours when she was small.

Did breakfast club at school as well due to my start times and then tended to be one after school club (for fun, not necessity) and one out of school activity at a time eg brownies, drama, piano lessons.

I’ve always been a bit baffled by people who want/need to cram their/their child’s every waking moment with activities tbh but I guess we’re all different.

DD is now 19 and chooses to be busy most of the time but is chilling out a bit now she’s got a uni workload to contend with!

Mine play loads of sport and always have barring Covid years. They are now in year 7 and year 5 and between them do 8 sessions and 3 after school clubs at the school. I am lucky that we share lifts with other parents and I co-parent with an involved ex so he does a lot to. I genuinely enjoy watching them compete and we are fortunate we can.

in year one they did a bit less and it was maybe twice mid week and a Saturday morning.

A lot of children's activities are only half an hour or 45 minutes so whilst it sounds like a lot, it's not actually that taxing. My summer born was never exhausted by Reception in the way a lot of MNers seem to describe though. Age 5, they do 3 and sometimes 4 activities a week plus after school club one day. We're limited by the hours we work rather than our child being too tired/needing more time at home.

I think you have to look at it backwards. My (totally anecdotal) observation is that happy teenagers tend to have a hobby or sport they are involved in. If it is outdoors, all the better.

It's really hard to take up something new as a teenager, because there are a bunch of people in every activity who have been doing it since they were little who are already skilled- and what teenager wants to look like a noob.

So, I think at 7/8/9 it is worth trying out quite a few activities to try to fine one that has a chance of surviving into the teenage years. Yes, teenagers give up their hobbies, but they are much more likely to keep one going if it is a habit by then.

Completely agree, DD’s long term mental health was a big motivating factor in getting her to try out a few activities. I want her to do at least one team sport, I think traditionally men have been better at keeping up team sports post education and I think it’s a positive for men who engage with it. I want that for DD.

If I had less time I’d pick a couple for her to try out and try to find something she really enjoys.