Question for music teachers

[manontroppo]

Is it weird to not stay for a class? DD has a private instrument lesson at tutor’s house, during which I go for a walk or waste time on the internet in the car. Previous (much older) student has her mum in with her. I’m cool to not stay, right? Tutor seems fine with it (I write down notes on how practice has gone over the week in DD’s notebook) but I wanted to check I’m not making a massive faux pas😂

Not a music teacher but a music parent (and former student). I'd say it depends and it's probably best to ask the teacher what they prefer.

In general I'd say it's unusual for a parent to be sitting in at secondary age; at upper primary some do some don't; up to about 7 for most families it really helps if a parent can sit in and support practice.

Lots of reasons the other family may be doing things differently. Perhaps the parent plays themselves and can support practice more. Perhaps the student has a particular need that makes it easier that way. Perhaps the child is younger than they look. Perhaps they started when they were 4 and it's just habit!

My only thought from what you've said is, if you're involved enough to be able to comment on practice in her book, and you're just hanging around outside, might it not be better to go in and find out first hand how she's supposed to be practising? But as I say, I'd ask teacher in the first place.

It depends on the stage, age, teacher and child. There's no right or wrong answer.

DD (14) has 5 different music teachers.

Teacher 1 - main study and long-term teacher - I am in the house but only go in if I'm asked to come and listen to something. Teacher will give me a full debrief after every lesson. I've never sat in on a whole lesson.

Teacher 2 - main study, second teacher - never met them, we email every few months for feedback.

Teacher 3 - second study - I went to first 2 lessons to meet them then DD went on her own. They message me after every lesson with anything I need to know.

Teacher 4 - third study - I went to first 2 lessons to meet them then DD went alone. They message me every few months or if something comes up.

Teacher 5 - I go to all the lessons and sit in, but there's nowhere else nearby to go and DD wants me there. Lessons are 3-4 hours at a time and ad hoc.

They all seem happy with the arrangement so far!

As a music teacher I would say it's up to you; I would never say that a parent couldn't sit in on a lesson at my house (lessons at school are of course different) but it's often not helpful. Shy children will happily let their parent speak for them rather than engaging for example. I would be concerned about a teacher who refused to let a parent sit in though.

I'm fine with either.

A parent who sits in can be very helpful IF they take good quality notes. And it's an efficient way for me to communicate with the parent.

As a pp said, sometimes parents can inhibit shy pupils or pupils who don't want to speak freely in front of their parent.

Sometimes pupils like the feeling of ownership they have if the parent doesn't sit in.

I always allow parents in to watch, but to be honest I prefer it if they don't. They have trouble being quiet and are too quick to jump in to tell their child off/ answer questions for them.

I also would have hated it if my mum stayed for my instrumental lessons. Its nerve-racking sometimes playing in front of the teacher. Having your mum as part of the audience too doesn't always help. But it depends on the child.

Most of my students come in alone.

My daughter is 10 and her violin lessons are at her lovely (male) teacher's house. I still sit in the lessons more for safeguarding reasons.