Theatre mums - coping with rejection??

[CocoPlum]

DD(15) has fairly recently developed an interest in performing arts, so I’ve been doing what I
can to support this - singing lessons at school, a class in musical theatre. She wants to audition
for a local group’s musical next month, which I’m happy for her to do, but … it’s a really popular
group, a lot of the young people auditioning are well established within the group, and I know
around 18 girls are all going for one of the main roles alone - the total number in the cast is 30,
so there’s a lot of competition.
How do you deal with times when they are rejected, or your own feelings around that? I feel torn
between wanting to encourage and support her and also not wanting her to be involved in the
arts because of the risk of rejection. It’s also me that has to deal with the fall out if she does not
get cast. Her confidence is very much typical of a teenage girl so I don’t want her crushed! (I’m
well aware a lot of my own issues are at play here too, so please be kind!)

Thanks @fiddlesticksandotherwords, this is part of the reason I don't really like her doing it. She has been quite confident and resilient but lately she's being a fairly typical teen and struggling with her own self esteem/image/worth. I don't want this hobby beating her down.

Perhaps you could also look around at other groups, which might be more inclusive and also put on a production? My kid is 15 and part of two different groups - I would recommend looking at what your local theatre might do in terms of a stage school. Invariably better than the big franchises and a chance to perform in their professional theatre.

I can only echo what others have said on the big castings for tour and WE. I've had my kid get down to the reserve space, out of thousands. Yes that's an amazing achievement! It's still tough when you have to tell them sorry, it's a no... And in reality it's down to simple things - what the director had in his head didn't look like you, it looked like him. They needed someone the right height to act with that kid over there. You look too similar to someone else. Or in our case, they only changed one kid in the cast on that occasion - and they cast someone closer to London than you, so cheaper! In your case it could be anything from favouritism (you'd like to think not but who knows!), the director wanted someone taller/shorter/blonder or they've decided on this other kid for another role so whoever gets this one needs to be taller than them - and so on. It's almost invariably not you... it's about what they decide they want today!

Thanks all for your support and sharing experiences on this thread. Confirmation came through and I had to tell her which I hated. She was disappointed but not devastated. We have spent the equivalent money of the show fee on tickets for something she wants to see at the theatre next spring, and have booked her next set of MT dance classes which I'd held back on doing just in case as they are the same nights as rehearsal. I've used a lot of the things said to me here to say to her, so thank you all for your helpful comments and reframing. She also does classes with 2 other groups which do inclusive performances if not quite as big a production.

Having spent some time thinking through my own feelings they are two-fold - part of it is my own feelings of inadequacy/rejection from these things in my own teen years. This show is one I really love and her taking part would have been the next best thing to me taking part! Taking these feelings to a therapy type session I have this week!

The second thing is the general feeling of unfairness - we've seen several productions by this company and there are several people (most of who got lead roles) who really stand out and shine and I think they will be amazing. But there are several whom I have seen who are similar standard to DD, age, height, gender etc, the main difference is they've been in shows with this company for years, so it feels a bit like the same good ensemble people are always cast and really DD could just do with a chance to prove herself. Still, onwards and upwards - she started vocal training just before this audition so she is looking forward to using that to work on for fun, she can focus on her dance class and start looking for the next project!

Honestly it can be a bit random. My dd got turned down for a local rare show and then got cast in a touring west end show. It’s about the look, performance on the day, knowing the kids etc. It’s all part of the training imo.

my dd does lots of school shows and in her head that is equally great so if your dd can simply stay busy and work on her grades, gcse shows etc too that’s all good

I found this really helpful as just been through the exact same thing with my DD. Similar type of production. I am more disappointed than her I think, she is philosophical- at least she says she is but it must be gutting, she did the production (as ensemble) last year and it was such a high. Oh well.

Also really dislike being the one to bear the news!