Should I make my young daughter play the violin or let her stop?

[Yogirl1]

So here is the background. My DD has been to a music lessons since she was 2. She used to just attend a 45 minute lesson group lesson every Saturday but this year she started playing violin. This meant having a separate solo and group lesson as well as choir and musicianship. It wasn’t a huge success as the day became very long (she is only 6).

We agreed she could leave the school as a 4 hour day plus 2 hour round trip - due to traffic not distance - was too long for DH as well as DD and not something we want to do for next 5-10 years! We have found a new Saturday school 20 minutes from home and can do choir and musicianship at 9-11 and then have the rest of the day free. She tried the classes recently and loved them so she is excited to be going next year.

The only time they had for a violin lesson was in the evening which means a 20 minute drive each way to the school, which suits us fine as it saves hanging around at the school on a Saturday (something we did enough of this year!)

Trouble is daughter is saying she doesn’t like the violin and wants to play piano. I’ve agreed to piano lessons (at her primary school) next year but l’ve said she is ‘too good to give up violin’ (which she loves to hear) so she has reluctantly agreed to carry on. Playing does happen at home and she loves nothing more than performing her own tunes while stomping around the room and she will practice for 5-10 minutes at a time, but she gets very angry when gets things wrong and complains non-stop about having to ‘stand up’ or that her ‘arm/fingers hurt’ - and then says she wants to stop playing it. She does make some nice sounds and her intonation is pretty good so I think it would be a shame to stop before we have really started.

So - should I ‘encourage’ her for another year with a new teacher/less stressful timetable? I never played a stringed instrument so I’m not sure how long it takes to start to enjoy it and this year has been painful and not at all enjoyable for her. Or should I listen to her and let her stop and hope she misses it and wants to start playing again (or decides she wants to play something else). Does a nearly 7 year old know her own mind or is she just on a steep leaning curve that ‘practice makes perfect’ and I should carry on with the lessons for another year?

Any advice gratefully appreciated. x

What a lovely message, thank you for taking the time to write it. I do agree and the violin is being kicked into the long grass. As long as she keeps having fun at musicianship classes and choir she will find her instrument.
Your son sounds amazing… Grade 4 at that age and after such a short time “Wunderkind”. I hope you live near London so he can attend one of the junior colleges… you should definitely be proud and loud about his talent.

Well done! Hope your DD continue to have fun and joy in her music adventure!

Thank you for your kind words about DS. Yes we're not far from London so Junior Department is on my thought for the future in couple of years time. Might even bump into your little girl then 😄.

I gave up piano at 6, and started again at 8. Got to grade 8, still playing regularly now. I just wasn't ready at 6.
I took a while to find my orchestral instrument - violin was the third I tried, starting at 11. Switched to viola, got to grade 8ish. There was a while early in my career when I rarely played (just too busy for an orchestra), but I got back into it after 10 years.

Violin may just not be the right instrument for your child, or just too much at the moment. She may do better to focus efforts on piano for a while and come back to violin or take up a different ensemble instrument later.

My husband is a professional musician so I asked him.
He said that no child would practise if they didn't have to, and he had to be asked several times every day to practise, when he would prefer to be with his friends.
The best thing is to schedule it each day so it is done automatically.
Eventually your child will thank you.

Thanks lanthanum that is what I hoped! Yes Martha12345 I agree with your DH and I need to be more strict this year about regular short bursts.

Little update is that I cancelled DDs violin lesson for next year and just booked her a 20 minute piano lesson at school.

She was NOT a happy bunny and said she did still want to play violin.

She has been picking it up every few days over the holidays (to plead her case I guess) and so I have relented and booked her a 20 minute violin lesson at school too. I can cancel with half a terms notice, so not such a big commitment as her previous music school.

Turns out she was enjoying me saying 'oh but you can't give up the violin you are too good' Once I stopped saying and just ignored the issue she stopped protesting about practicing. What a little (so-and-so) drama Queen I have!!!

Made me laugh yogirl 😂😂 Kids eh.
Glad you've come to an arrangement she's happy with anyway. Perhaps she won't cry wolf another time now she nearly lost her lessons!

Yes, maybe some Grimm brothers cautionary fairytales as bedtime reading wouldn't go amiss 😂

Haha @Yogirl1 this is such a great story I might tell my DS as a bedtime story tonight 🤣🤣

You can call it ‘the little girl who tried to play her mum like a fiddle!’ 😆

Let her stop. Life is too short to be made to continue or push on with things you’ve tried but do not enjoy, it just puts you off trying new things.

My little brother was 1st violin in the school orchestra and was offered a professional spot but went for the Olympic fencing team instead. I’m only bringing him up as you asked how long does it take to enjoy a stringed instrument- he enjoyed it from the very first lesson and still enjoys playing as a hobby for folk music gigs.

Your DD has given it more than long enough. Let her quit.

You missed the update then L337.

I did 😅