Pausing piano lessons?

[AppleDVices]

Ds plays the piano and is doing his ABRSM grade 4 this summer. He's 11 and off to secondary in September. He wants try out a different activity next term that clashes with his usual music lessons. He thinks that he will go back to the piano in the spring term. Is it a really bad idea to let him have a break from lessons? Will he unlearn everything in 6 months? Has anyone's dc ever had a break from an instrument and then successfully returned to it?

As parents I think we - perhaps understandably - see the time, effort, energy and money spent on DC activities add up to: an investment. All your time and money - the ferrying around, the fees, the reminders to practice - have added up and you are worried he will unlearn.

But in reality this is about him. He wishes to have a break. Try something new. At 11, the world is his oyster. I think I'd reframe the conversation in your head from "let him" have a break and whether that is ok - to - accepting that he is having a break, and may or may not return to the piano, and that is OK.

I currently ferry my small DC to numerous things and have lately realised quite how much of ourselves we invest into these activities - and it's so easy to want rewards to reaped at the end!

Yes. My daughter took piano gif a couple years - very half heartedly and I kept asking her if she was sure she wanted to continue. Eventually I said she was wasting her time, the teachers time and my money. A couple years later she asked to start again. Much more focused!
Once you have to start nagging them to practise is when it's time to consider stopping it. They have to really want it.

You're right it's not about 'letting him' @SittingNextToIt . I actually feel a bit fed up with taking him to the piano lessons, which are a 15 min drive away and he would walk to his other activity, it'd be more convenient for me. I just feel it would be a shame if all that hard work has been for nothing. Or would it have been for nothing?

I do feel invested in terms of paying for the lessons and encouraging him to practice. He does like playing the piano and could probably steadily progress over the years but he wants a break and then come back to to. I just think he won't come back to it, which of course is his choice.

The hard work won't have been for nothing, he has presumably enjoyed it and done well to get to grade 4. There are other benefits of learning an instrument such as improved focus etc that are not wasted. He will definitely lose some skill but not all the knowledge IE he'll still be able to read music but not as fluently. When he goes to high school he may get the chance to learn something more sociable like guitar or clarinet and piano will really have helped.

I think it’s worth asking ourselves at what point do we decide whether our investment in DC activities have come to “something”. What is somethjng? Grade 7? An award? International acclaim?

If you reframe that gently to yourself perhaps his lessons have already come to “something” significant.

When they have lots of interests there does come a point where they have to choose and drop something they do still like. Where that has happened with mine then yes they haven't gone back because the interest they prioritised rarely becomes smaller. But is it that or just a specific clash? Or do you think it may actually be he wants to try out not doing piano as much as he wants to try out doing the new thing?

If the last I'd see what he thinks post exam first. The run up to an exam is probably the least fun bit of learning an instrument. Getting the result and having exciting new pieces to learn may change his perspective.

Practically, his previous piano slot won't be there the next term if he takes a break will it? Teacher will need to fill the spot with another student. You could try to find a different piano slot that doesn't clash with the thing he wants to try. Lots of people move things around with a new school year. There is likely to be a peripatetic piano teacher at his new school, he could even have lessons in school time and no transporting for you at all.

And he's definitely achieved something, G4 is great for primary school. A bit of piano is really useful for secondary school music lessons, composing etc. Good enough level he could quickly brush it back up to standard if he wanted to take it for GCSE, and could learn pop tunes if he wanted. I don't think learning is ever wasted.

Having an activity you enjoy such as learning an instrument and passing some grades is an end in itself. He's had fun doing it and learned something, and that's what you paid for. There is no return on the investment other than what he's already achieved. None of it was a waste, and all of his hard work hasn't been for nothing - it is just a hobby. One he now wants to take a break from, so he can maybe try something else.