Average state- bridging the gap.

[CPHB2021]

We are pleased with DC school, no complaints but it's average. Happy child so that matters a lot, but without the funds to send to independent- how would you try to bridge the gap?
I went to a lovely independent school and I think grieve that we cannot afford the same for our DC.
Clubs? Music lessons - DC said they have no interest in learning to play? Languages- if so, how? General experiences broadened? Should days out be more education based, say trips to museums rather than soft plays etc?
Genuinely curious how we could try to provide some of the opportunities that come with private education.

Your children will be fine - talk to them. Make them curious about the world and take them to experience different things - museums, exhibits, libraries. Ensure their cultural capital is well rounded!

Don't project your grief onto them- if they feel they are getting a lesser deal, it may become reality.

Languages are always an advantage though.

Anything that gives them confidence and teaches them social skills. That is what I see that ds (who spent several years in private school before moving to state) has over and above his friends. He can talk to people from all walks of life regardless of their so called status.

I wish I could give that to some of his friends as it really helps ds to get opportunities and they are just as deserving.

It depends where you live but our children go to an extra language class every Saturday. It's taught by native speakers. They are being brought up bilingual though, so you'd really have to reinforce it at home.

I think it’s more about your outlook as a family than about specific activities. If you are keen to learn about the world around you, your children will pick up on this attitude.

Discuss the news or sport or music or history or philosophy or whatever comes up. Perhaps take out a subscription to one of the children’s weekly news magazines, and take the time to read some of it with your child, and debate the week’s topic etc.

If interest is sparked, follow it up. For example, our DD was interested in Richard III after watching or reading Horrible Histories, so we had a day trip out to Leicester to see the exhibition, and to the Bosworth Field battle site.

In terms of sport, music, languages etc, I do think you need to be led by the child. We’re not a sporty family, and we didn’t feel it was right to force DD to do a sport when she wasn't keen, though we’re musical and she now learns two instruments. When she didn’t enjoy Rainbows, we offered her some alternative options and she chose to learn a language, and has been going to a small group class ever since. We wouldn’t have forced this upon her though: it genuinely followed her interest after a family holiday abroad.

I don’t think there is a perfect formula for enrichment. I’m also not convinced that private schools offer the perfect balance (though DH and I were state educated, so maybe we don’t know what we’re missing.)

I think that you need to ask yourself what you think it is they are missing out on that happened at your school that doesn't at theirs? Is it music? trips? team sport? Academic stretch? Individual attention? Or is it just a general feeling of 'I can't give them what I had'?

Differences between state and private will vary massively depending on what age they are and whether they're at, say, a big inner city school or a tiny village primary. But most of these things can be provided out of school if you look around and the children are interested - often at a higher level than a single independent school can provide. Holiday clubs can be great for this, as well as weekly lessons or clubs.

Ours have a weekly spanish conversation teacher on Zoom to keep up a language they learned while little, for example, and do a lot of music. They do not do a lot of sport (heaven knows we've tried) - so I guess you might feel they are missing out on the team playing there, but they would really struggle to fit it in.

I'm not sure i buy the 'undefinable aura of confidence' thing about public and private schools. I think that's usually down to the parents/home atmosphere and whether you, for example, eat together and discuss things as a family. Their school has a good debate team, as do many state schools, which helps with oracy.

My girls do a lot of music things with both private and state educated peers from other schools - you would absolutely not know the difference by watching and listening to them.

What I’ve realised is that a lot of prep school parents are doing all the activities (and in some cases tutoring) outside of school as well. You can’t compete so don’t try to. Instead think about how you broaden experiences and offer opportunities.

but… a lot will even our over time. University destinations etc may not be that different, lots of teens will give up the activities they were pushed to do while young etc.

Academically, I would think it is likely a case of watching in case any obvious gaps emerge and intervening if needed with extra back up (interestingly a lot of independent school parents on this platform seem to have to do that as well…). For languages is there any chance of connecting with a family in France (etc.) and hosting each other’s children? I spent several very happy summers with friends of my parents who had a daughter my age and my French came on by leaps and bounds. The French girl also learned good English and we were both Erasmus students in the same year. Guiding/Scouting is a great opportunity for general life experience and confidence building. I am raising my own son in the middle of a big Canadian city which is very different to the suburban English context I grew up in, but he has such a broader experience of the world and society at a much younger age that I think is actually an advantage even if less “pretty” in some ways than my own upbringing. Volunteering as a family can build compassion and confidence in your children while also being very low cost.