Dancing and favouritism

[Rainbowsparkles29]

My kid is only just turned 5. She's been dancing at the same dance school since she was 2 and is now in the pre-primary class. We aren't allowed in lessons and get little to no feedback ITO how they're doing. My question to any dance instructors out there is do the schools earmark even at this age which kids have talent and latch on to them? If they do develop 'favourites' is there usually a reason (ie the kid is just really good)

The reason I ask this is because my dd goes to every lesson she's actually aloud to for her age. She almost never misses a lesson and I am always organised and committed with anything they have going on. I wouldn't exactly say they don't like my dd but there's another LG (same age, does a couple less lessons than mine actually) and she's blatantly their favourite. Any award/certificate that's going she gets it. She gets hugs from the dance instructors and babied by them every single week. She gets her picture on social media. I know I probably sound like a right jealous cow but I just don't get it. I haven't seen her in practice but she doesn't seem ridiculously talented or anything. I realise that this happens in the dance world but I'm just flabbergasted that it's happening so early. Am I overthinking it? Have they already decided that this kid is the next Maddie Ziegler and the other kids aren't really worth bothering with? Will it always be like this. I'm really not jealous. If this other girl does genuinely have talent then I wish her well. I'd just rather know where I stand before we put years of time and money into this IYSWIM

it. I haven't seen her in practice but she doesn't seem ridiculously talented or anything.

how the heck do you know either way if you’ve never seen her?

Forget about the other girl

not once have you said whether your daughter enjoys or not! If she enjoys, why stop? If she doesn’t, stop. Simple as that

I think it's a fair question to wonder about. I have certainly noticed this happen at some schools

Although I also think the more important question is whether your daughter is happy there.

Also my daughter's current school does a watching week once a term where parents watch the class and a show every year (alternating between big productions and more informal ones). This gives a good sense of how they are doing.

Any chance shes related to the teachers? Doesn't explain the awards, but it can mean they know her better (and use her on SM as they know its ok)

I don't think she's related no I think she's just sweet so they all want to baby her.

Of course my dd enjoys dancing. I wouldn't be taking her twice a week if she didn't. Sorry I thought that went without saying. This only makes it more important though that her passion isn't quashed by illogical favouritism...

I spend a lot of my time at her lessons and more importantly so does dd. I am now also spending almost as much money on her lessons as we do on a typical summer holiday. We are expected to put a lot of faith in these activities that the instructors are treating our kids with kindness and fairness and actually making an effort to teach them what we're paying them to teach them. This is especially so in lessons where we can't even watch them and get very little update or insight into their progress. I'm not going to apologise therefore for questioning things.

I simply want to know if this is typical for a dance school and whether it's telling of how things are going to pan out for the next 10-15 years? Is it at all suggestive of my dd's aptitude for dancing or how she's going to be treated long term or is it just one of those things? Thanks

I think more importantly I would push for a school with a watching week or similar so you can get a sense of how she's doing

I would love this! I wouldn't have a clue what I was looking for really though as I have never danced myself and have the co-ordination and grace of bambi wearing rollerskates

I think asking if there can be a watching week is a great idea. You will get a much better idea of the dynamics. I also know nothing about dance but could see who was coordinated with the group, who needed extra guidance etc. There were some kids who went beyond just turning up and following instructions and did lots of practising at home; there were also some who struggled and needed extra help from teachers and they can equally end up looking like favourites because they need the extra attention and extra encouragement.

My DD dances - she’s danced at the same dance school since she was 3 (10 years).
yes there is favouritism for certain
you have to make a decision about whether you are happy/unhappy with it
at our school the owners Dd is the same age group as mine. She is blatantly pushed into being the main focus in all shows, group dances, etc.
this is sometimes to the detriment of others
personally, it gives me and dd something to talk about and she just shrugs it off as we know it’ll never change
DD doesn’t want to change schools as she likes everyone there
occasionally I get a bit peeved when my DD doesn’t get the credit she deserves but think it’s good grounding for later life.
FI - DD dances about 20 hours a week
There are others who are getting fed up with the constant favouritism and may leave - but wherever you go there is always a favourite!

This is about you not her.
You say
she enjoys her lessons and has been there for years.

Why would the other little girl seeming to be popular suggest that 'the instructors can't be bothered to teach them'?

If you are honest, you are basically jealous that your dd seems to be less adored than this other little girl. For all you know they could know her outside the class. She could have some kind of need which means they give her more attention or she is just talented. Who cares? Your dd is happy and enjoying her lessons. It is you who is put out.

By the way
her passion to be quashed by illogical favouritism

What a load of nonsense!

This. With bells on.

There is a girl in my daughters class
Most definitely gets the soft side of the teacher
first to open to calendar etc etc

I bloody love it. Too right. Why? Because I know the girl’s mother has terminal cancer. But it’s not common knowledge. And even if I did not know, I would presume the teacher knew something i didn’t and was adapting her approach accordingly

What type of dance is this? Is it freestyle. If so you need to get rhino skin asap. Probably the same for other styles too actually. The dance world is very competitive and there is endless favouritism and jealousy. You need to rise above.
My dd is a dancer and it’s a tale as old as time. My dd was one of the favourites because she is talented and won many comps but it’s extremely cringing to watch and there were other who were more favourites than her and it is hard to swallow but you have to look at the child’s enjoyment. Some of the attitudes and competition at shows and at comps is actually horrendous. If you want your dd to continue and go far forget everyone else and focus on her practice etc

Here's a little advice from dance parent who's been through the system and out the other side 20 years later. If your dd is having a lot of fun, let her carry on for now, but I wouldn't commit to any more classes. It's a hobby and a fun activity and that is all, it's not on-the-job training for Britain's Got Talent. If they like it, then it really doesn't matter whether others are 'favourites' or get all the certificates. It only starts to matter when the kids start to notice they are not one of the favourites. Don't get drawn into the drama of it all.

Keep your eyes and ears open, and if she begins to realise that things aren't quite fair, then that's the point to either knock it on the head or find another dance school. Remember that you are the paying customer, and you are entirely free to take your custom elsewhere.

I think there is frequently favouritism at dance schools, it’s a real shame. My DD had to start at a new dance school and has taken a while to settle in. As well as the favouritism it’s also pretty cliquey. There are a few teachers kids and they definitely nominate things. Despite all this she loves dance and now she’s been there a year likes the dance school. It’s just a shame the teachers don’t seem to have any motivation to improve things. Sometimes I think they use the favouritism to encourage competition and keep the girls vying for approval. When my DD finally got some praise from the teacher she was overjoyed! It can all be a bit cult like!

I’m a little bit confused by how much time/money you seem to be investing for a pre-primary 5yo. Mine is in primary, goes once a week (although will be upped before exam) and it’s about £80 a term. Definitely not summer holiday territory or something to get worked up about at this point.

We have a termly watching week. At 5 they are still all mainly a bit rubbish and spend a lot of time skipping and prancing around. You can pick out the really good ones though (mine is not in that category). They are still very little at that age and most will just be enjoying a fun activity.

Do I think dance teachers can see something from a very early age, yes. All my DD's teaches told me she was incredibly talented all I could see was a little dumpling who adored dancing. I only got it when I saw her dance contemporary in a show at 15. Most DD's dance was in school so I hardly ever saw a class. Have I seen favouritism in performing arts yes and it's hard when your child seems to be less noticed. However, everything about performing arts is tough there will parts you don't get, bad competitions etc.
At your stage she should just enjoy it if she is keen to continue you need to get the skin of a rhino and take pride in what she achieves not what everyone else does. Oh and learn to do hair! There is a lot of doing hair if you continue in the dance world.

My dd did dance, gymnastics and cheerleading throughout her childhood and there were favourites in every class. It's human nature and the coaches don't seem to even hide it.

My dd is now 20 and still cheerleading and what's interesting is it's rare for any of the favourites from the various activities to still be doing them. The dancers who worked really hard, but we're rarely chosen for lead roles have gone on to ballet school in London or doing local productions, and the cheer favourites have given up completely, whilst the ones not given the masses of attention are now in the uk top teams or doing uni cheer.

A child may have a natural talent that a coach can see, but that doesn't mean they'll enjoy the sport or even be motivated enough to practice.

Not quite the same scenario but I loved dancing as a child (still do!), never had lessons but picked dance as an option at school.

One parents evening, my DM was told by the teacher that I was wasting my time and I'd never pass the exam, that I didnt have any talent. I was already painfully aware (aged 15) that the teacher had favourites and I definitely wasn't one of them.

Anyway, exam results arrived, I received 100% and an A* from the external examiner. At the time, the school sent out a letter with statistics showing the percentage of pass rates. Everyone else in the class of twelve got grade C and below. How I laughed!!

In short OP, if your DD is loving the classes then sod the teacher and favoritism, just let her enjoy herself, especially as she's only a baby. It's supposed to be fun!

Oh god yes! It drives me bonkers 🙄
My youngest still wants to dance there with her friends so still does. She's fairly oblivious to it all
My other child chose to move. It was sucking all the joy out. No matter what she did, it went unrecognised by her teacher (and we're talking being recognised for her dancing at competitions, getting in to hugely competitive associate ballet schemes etc) while the favourites were praised for turning up. At one point winning a competition over a fellow pupil and instead of being told she did great, she had to listen to her teacher tell the other girl she was robbed... She had no desire to be the star of the school, but when you've been there years and years and watch others being given presents and trophies and so on, for doing less than you... There just comes a point where you want to go somewhere without the drama! So, still dancing and simply enjoying it - but at a different place, where everyone seems to be far more equally treated. Happy to be just one of the gang there 😊
I've taken a massive step back at the original school in terms of just dropping youngest off (not staying), not volunteering to help etc as I used to. I was just sick of all the politics and cliques - and this is just a dance school at a community centre. I pay the bills and I turn up at the show and clap, turn out for the exams and so on. I just don't give extra any more, I do what's expected.