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Extra-curricular activities

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Original poster

Boys doing ballet

37 replies

Eileen101 · 28/10/2021 12:53

I know I'm not being unreasonable, but just looking for some solidarity.

My DS does ballet, he's only young and in the early stages but really enjoys it.

I'm getting arsey comments about how he won't suit a tutu Hmm

Anyone else get this? Do you just have to let it go over your head?

Did your boys ever take these comments on board? Did it stop them from enjoying dance? I do wonder if when he's old enough to take it in, it would affect him. I'd like to bring my children up where they don't care what people think, but I'm not sure that's doable until they're older.

Thoughts welcome.

OP posts:
taxi4ballet · 28/10/2021 12:55

Tell them to mind their own bloody business.

A lot of boys do give up dance because of teasing and bullying like this and it's a real shame.

Metallicalover · 28/10/2021 13:42

I've danced for 20 years and danced with many boys (now men).
I found it very sad that when they were younger most of them hid the fact that they danced when at school. In the past few years the younger male dancers seem more open now, play rugby as well as dance etc.
If they enjoy it I would keep going with showing them positive role models in dance for Example Matthew Bournes
swan lake which is all male! In fact a lot of male footballers do ballet for strength work.
4 of the male dancers I grew up with are now in well known dance companies or work professionally.

LawnFever · 28/10/2021 13:45

God people are so bloody awful, I hope this doesn’t put him off dance if he’s enjoying it.

I’d shut them straight down and tell them how ridiculous their comments are, it’s such a sexist and annoying type of comment.

00100001 · 28/10/2021 13:50

Say "Why wouldn't he look good in a tutu?" with a faux innocent look and just smile at them waiting for their sputtering response...

Itsanewdah · 28/10/2021 13:58

My almost 5 year old loves, loves, loves dance, especially ballet. And he’s good at it. yes, you’ll get plenty of stupid comments (for us mainly borat mankini pictures in reference to his leotard). we use it to teach him that some people aren’t friends. it does help that as the only boy in the lower baller stages the teachers make sure to look after him, plus his school has a special boys dance class (across all ages and disciplines)

Shayisgreat · 28/10/2021 14:05

I bring my ds dancing as well. He is the only boy in the class! My family are big into dancing so it was never going to be an issue and my DH's sister brought her son to dancing when he was young but stopped because he didn't like it anymore.

Anyone who thinks thay dancing is just for girls is perpetuating a harmful stereotype and should be given no head space. If your DS likes it, other peoe can feck off!

I think it's important for us to expose our boys to "girls" activities. In time, hopefully, activities will not been seen as only for one particular gender.

MimiDaisy11 · 28/10/2021 14:14

It’s a shame they stop due to teasing. I used to babysit a boy who went to ballet classes. He was the only boy and I think liked the attention.

Unfortunately there are still lots of people with ignorant views and there’s not much you can say to change them. Maybe look up some sporty famous men who do ballet and give them as an example

DoubleDeckerSwimmer · 28/10/2021 14:17

My son did ballet and stopped when none of the girls would be his partner anymore. He got fed up with dancing with the teacher.

Comefromaway · 28/10/2021 14:22

It infuriates me. Some male dancers might wear a tutu, others won't. What I do know is that dancers are athletes and male dancers are incredibly strong. We are lucky where I love to have some role model male teachers in the area.

MrsAvocet · 28/10/2021 14:28

My daughter has danced all her life, and is now a dance teacher and I am afraid this ridiculously old fashioned, and at it's roots, misogynistic and homophobic attitude is unfortunately still quite common.
There is nothing wrong with boys dancing. It doesn't mean they are weak and feeble and nor will they "catch the gays" as I have heard so many times. It is very frustrating and sadly does put boys who enjoy dancing off. It makes me so angry. Girls who play traditionally male sports like football, rugby etc are praised for being "strong" and "fierce" whereas boys who take up activities perceived as feminine get ridiculed.
Please encourage your DS to continue doing what he enjoys OP. When he gets a bit older, look out for things like boys only workshops as one of the things that bothers boys most as they get older is being the only boy in the class. They often really enjoy boys only sessions, especially if, as ids common, there's a male teacher. It helos them realise that they aren't the only boy who dances, plus they do nenefit from a male teacher as they get older as there are some differences to technique that a man can demonstrate better. (Not at the early stages, but definitely later)
I hope it isn't against the rules to recommrnd another forum but if you go to the Doing Dance section on balletcoforum you will find lots of parents of different aged DSs (D stands for "dancing" there by the way) who will be very welcoming and helpful I'm sure.

Wrinklyeyes · 28/10/2021 15:00

Ach, tell them all to piss off. I thought this kind of thing had gone out with the ark. Angry

Suzi888 · 28/10/2021 15:04

Men don’t wear a tutu do they (no idea).
I’ve a colleague whose son dances professionally in theatres abroad, he’s fitter and stronger than a footballer. It’s very well paid too and he travels around the world, or did pre covid!

VashtaNerada · 28/10/2021 15:05

I don’t understand - who made that comment? Is it someone you know well?

JauntyJinty · 28/10/2021 15:07

Whenever I hear about boys doing Ballet I'm reminded of a guy I met Snowboarding who did Ballet.

There was a ramp set up, the best snowboarders in our group (who we're pretty good) could do 360 spins off it - this guy was doing 720s! We got friendly and he invited us to his Birthday party. He turned out to be absolutely ripped from all the dancing and lifting - full on pecs and 6 pack - and was surrounded by beautiful women, all equally in shape from their dancing and wanting to date a male ballet dancer, who were in short supply! He absolutely had it made!

I'm not really sure what my point was, but i guess it's osmething along the line of it's worth putting up with some stupid comments now, because it will set him up well for the future! Even if he doesn't stick with dance it will give him a lot of transferable skills

Tempusfudgeit · 28/10/2021 15:29

Yeah, male ballet dancers are yuck.

(Swoon)

Steven Mcrae for reference.

Boys doing ballet
Itsanewdah · 28/10/2021 16:13

As mentioned above, we’ve had similar comments (comparisons to borat mankinins etc). Exclusively from women interestingly ….
It is infuriating

ilovesushi · 30/10/2021 18:49

My son did ballet for a few years. He was very good at it and enjoyed it, but gave it up around age 9. I think if he had been able to join a class with others boys he would have stuck at longer. Luckily he never had to deal with any teasing or sarky comments.

AlexaShutUp · 30/10/2021 18:53

All of the boys at my dd's dance school seem to give up once they hit a certain age. I'm sure that some of them just don't want to do it any more, but I strongly suspect that others give up because of peer pressure etc. It's such a shame.

Didiplanthis · 01/11/2021 22:15

My ds gave up acro at 8 as he was teased.. he was VERY good ... he now does football at which he is VERY bad... but no teasing 🤷‍♀️... it makes me so cross and quite sad..

drspouse · 03/11/2021 13:14

My DS (who turns out to have SEN but this was not really the issue at the time) did dance with us as a toddler then moved on to preschool ballet. He was the only boy in the class and the other girls wouldn't hold hands with him so he stopped wanting to go.

Cantthinkofaname21 · 03/11/2021 13:20

Such a shame people are like this. At my daughters dance school (drama & singing as well) a few boys. A few have gone onto amazing future & carried on. One of the boys, his mum was advised to help with coordination as he really struggled - helped him on the rugby field!!

Such a shame people get hung up on it. The older ballet boys that have stuck with it have to be extremely fit to do many of the movements & lift the girls.

Coyoacan · 03/11/2021 13:33

Ballet training is supposed to be excellent for football, would he be interested in combining his pastime?

taxi4ballet · 03/11/2021 16:27

@Comefromaway

It infuriates me. Some male dancers might wear a tutu, others won't. What I do know is that dancers are athletes and male dancers are incredibly strong. We are lucky where I love to have some role model male teachers in the area.
Male ballet dancers don't wear a tutu in class. Aside from 'Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo' (which is a professional drag act) I don't know of any ballets in which any of the male dancers wear a tutu either.

I believe that some of the examination bodies will now allow candidates to study either the male or female syllabus and wear whichever set uniform is consistent with their chosen gender, should they wish to do so, but that's not really relevant for this thread.

FictionalCharacter · 03/11/2021 17:06

@Tempusfudgeit That’s exactly what I was thinking. This is a good interview- paywalled but the title gives you the gist www.thetimes.co.uk/article/matthew-ball-men-poncing-around-in-tights-that-really-couldnt-be-further-from-the-truth-82cxsdf0f @Eileen101 I’d be tempted to keep one or two of these photos on my phone and say, oh right, tutus, like this?
How ridiculous that people are still so silly about male dancers.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 03/11/2021 17:15

I have no practical experience of ballet lessons... but a few years ago we took our DDs to see the Snowman ballet in London. One of the major parts is played by a boy aged around 10-12 years old if I remember right. Very talented children. Might becsome inspiration for him.