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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

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Original poster

Girls and extra curricular sports

125 replies

randomsabreuse · 31/08/2021 14:24

Sat in a toddler sports thing where parental participation is not required but attendance is. 2 girls, 7 boys. Tennis attended by 6yo DD is 1 girl, 5 boys with 3 girls (2 sisters) and 9 boys in the older mini tennis class. Gymnastics is girl dominant for 6 yo but even for toddler.

Demographic is a largely middle class/affluent suburban area and after school drops off to tennis... Football is a big draw for boys (millions of youth teams)

Why do so few girls do sports? Does the socialisation start at 2?

Ideas please.

I have one of each, ideally they will do the same stuff for a while - older one has tennis, 2 yo is still too young, otherwise they have the same. Will get options to specialise at 8 or so, plus obviously try other sports as they get old enough...

OP posts:

MrsPnut · 06/09/2021 08:13

@Marni83

You do know in rugby there is a difference between contact rugby

And full contact?

There is just contact, you either play tag, touch or contact.

I do know because I played for about 15 years, and have been involved in clubs ever since.

Marni83 · 06/09/2021 08:14

Incorrect

Read regulation 15

That link is from England rugby

Marni83 · 06/09/2021 08:16

It’s right there in front of you

It’s actually set in regulations
What is permitted in terms of contact at different ages

Marni83 · 06/09/2021 08:16

Not my opinion

England rugby fact!

Antsinyourpanta · 06/09/2021 08:24

My DS does tennis which , I had previously thought of as a fairly mixed sport but a lot more boys than girls do it. In fact in some mini tournaments theyve done they get some kind of bonus points awarded in the score if they have a girl on their team! they occassionally had a girl - who was probably their best player - in the under 10 team, but recently I've seen no girls at all in his group. There are some older girls at the same club though.

DD is 15 and hates sport. Very few other friends seem to enjoy sport rarely part of extra curricular clubs. A few do dance, or gymnastics and I think a couple course riding. DD did do the Joe Wicks work outs last year with me and a few other HIIT style workouts at home but hates any competitive or team sport.

Antsinyourpanta · 06/09/2021 08:25

a couple do horse* riding

SirChenjins · 06/09/2021 08:26

Loads of threads about this already on MN - it's an ongoing issue sadly. I can only speak from personal experience but I found it really difficult to get DD into team sports - a combination of not knowing anyone and worrying about how welcome an established group of friends would make her feel, and not feeling good enough to play as it appeared to be a case of unless you'd played hockey/football/rugby/whatever from an early age they weren't interested in her. My DSs clubs seemed far more relaxed - boys turned up half way through the term having never played before, and they were made to feel welcome. There always seemed to be a club that would take them at complete beginner level, regardless of age.
DD went for individual sports like horse riding and gymnastics or dance, although didn't stick at any of them. She's 22 now and goes to the gym where she works out on her own, and she's happy that way - she still finds the interpersonal relationships and hierarchies of female team sports quite a turn off. She recently went to a bounce back to netball thing and found it exactly the same - lots of dramas, lots of vying for position, very competitive even though they assured her it was a fun thing. Her brothers don't seem to have that problem - they turn up, kick a ball about or do their martial arts, and go home.

thing47 · 06/09/2021 10:18

There is just contact, you either play tag, touch or contact.

Actually this isn't quite correct.

They start to introduce tackling, that is true, but not rucks, mauls, scrums, lineouts… these all come at an older age. It's a gradual introduction of all the elements of full contact. (DH works in rugby)

CoffeeWithCheese · 06/09/2021 10:31

I think some of the issues are with things like dance or gymnastics that once competitive elements rear their heads the clubs tend to weed out the ones with potential and treat the recreational ones like cash cows and pretty poorly - and families walk away then. I know we did from one dance school - found another who just taught for the joy of teaching dance - but the lady who ran that decided to retire after lockdown and when the hall was being difficult about re-starting sessions. Shame cos DD2 loves to dance but has no coordination whatsoever and we never found somewhere similar.

Both of mine started kickboxing recently and love that - and there's no holding back from the girls there (it's a mixed family friendly class - about 50/50 in terms of the split with the sexes)! It's been brilliant for DD1 in terms of her focus and managing her temper.

My hairdresser runs a teenage girls rugby team and she loves that - for her girls it's a safe space and another family. Tempted to see how DD1 takes to that kind of thing.

BananaBreakfast · 06/09/2021 11:19

I could write a long essay about this. As a coach I see differences in girls and boys coming into the toddler classes and the gap widens as they get older.
Sports are hereditary: sporty parents coach their kids from birth. Boys who succeed at football can make a living. What sport actually pays women enough to live on?

BFrazzled · 06/09/2021 22:28

@BananaBreakfast very point on observation. I see it a lot as parent - how a gap between children with parents who do sports with them starts from toddlerhood and keeps widening.
Eg my own kids who swim like fishes because I take them to the pool by myself when they are little but are way behind their friends who kick the football with their parents because we never play football with them.
It all starts with parents. I wish more people understood it.

BananaBreakfast · 07/09/2021 11:29

The thing about the parent involvement is that for example many women have done dance in some form so can guide their girls in basics. Many men have played football and can guide their boys in the basics. The existing stereotypes continue.

Original poster

randomsabreuse · 07/09/2021 11:54

We do a lot of hillwalking - both kids are very balanced and used to running and jumping on rough ground... which helps with most sports. My main background is in a very one sided sport that is probably best started from around 8-10, assuming you have a generalist sports and activity background.

My older one started tennis because it was the first sport to restart for her age and I'd realised that running and walking were getting her fit without really interesting her. Other options involved her climbing/bouncing offwalls and sofas in my house...

My vague aim as a parent was that learning good quality movement games (in whatever "specialist" guise) would be a good foundation for whatever they want to do long term. Gymnastics was something I'm instinctively cautious about, especially for a girl as the training ramps up really young - however I decided that she'd probably try and cope stuff in the playground so better to learn properly, with mats rather than concrete!

My parents had no sporting background at all, although we watched some on TV. I did the odd holiday week of gym, swimming lessons and school PE, and really struggled to enjoy most forms of exercise, which was not helpful when I did find my niche and not good for my long term healthy habits.

OP posts:

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 07/09/2021 12:00

But fathers can teach their daughters to play football...

Saying that, amongst my friends I have noticed that children follow their parents into a sport if the parents play. Or other clubs (most of my Cubs have a parent who were guides or scouts as children for example). So my horsey friend has a son who rides, the marathon runner has athletics kids, the ski fanatics take their kids skiing...

SirChenjins · 07/09/2021 12:20

The other thing I noticed )again it was just personal experience) was the dance/gymnastics classes primarily inhabited by girls seemed to be on after school whereas my DS’s football and rugby clubs inhabited mainly by boys were on in the evening - reflecting the outdated notion that mums don’t work and dads do, perhaps?

trippingflip · 07/09/2021 12:34

My family is into karate, hockey and swimming. The children are introducing us to cricket and rugby. All are at the moment 50/50 split in sexes. Rugby looks like it'll move into over investment in boys soon.

But overall I find any lack of competitiveness in females usually means the mother, through no fault of her own, didn't realise this is something which children also need to learn. Sometimes we think they just get it but yeah, it needs to be learned.

I also find you might need to look harder for family friendly clubs rather than just learning the sport clubs...

trippingflip · 07/09/2021 12:38

I'm not saying dad can't teach daughters. Ideally both parents would take it on.

BananaBreakfast · 07/09/2021 14:03

It's hard to set up a purely recreational club.

BananaBreakfast · 07/09/2021 14:20

I don't get why competition is required. I don't watch competitions or take part in them. A couple of times at school I was put in for a race or gymnastics competition. Horrible experience totally humiliating, not only placing poorly but wearing wrong clothes, shoes, not knowing the rules, not knowing that I was rubbish or how to get good enough to have a chance of doing well. What's the fun in that?

DazzlePaintedBattlePants · 07/09/2021 14:25

Football is the default boys activity round here. Loads of the dads are involved in coaching, and yet it’s only ever their sons that play. For some reason the daughters never do….

Agree that parents are key. If you’re not encouraging sports and showing that sport as an enjoyable activity is the norm, your kids are going to struggle. So many women see it as a chore (and maybe for good reasons, what with experiences at school and the whole body image thing) and something to be grown out of.

massistar · 07/09/2021 14:26

My DD is 12. Has always done lots of sport.. jujitsu (mixed in training, based on size), rugby (mixed till now pretty much but she stopped playing with the boys as they used to throw the ball over her so joined a girls team), netball, hockey, beach lifeguards.

She's starting to make noises about dropping stuff and I can't quite get to the bottom of it. Doing some form of sport/exercise in our family is non-negotiable. I just hope I can carry that hard line into the teenage years.

massistar · 07/09/2021 14:28

Agree with PP too that they're more likely to continue if parents are active and sporty. I still play netball and tennis and run regularly.

bamboocat · 07/09/2021 14:40

Why do so few girls do sports?

Why do so few boys go to dance classes?

Probably much the same reason, I reckon. Parental choice steering them into that direction from an early age.

SirChenjins · 07/09/2021 14:59

@BananaBreakfast

YY to this. Competitive sport is fine for those who want to take part, but why can’t sport just be fun?

Original poster

randomsabreuse · 07/09/2021 15:46

I have no opinion on dance classes. They were later to restart than outdoor sports and the only local one is way too late for my 6yo on a school night (7pm).

If either one expresses a strong interest I will find a good dance class for them but I'm not mad on the culture, especially for girls.

OP posts:

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