Wean DD, 9, back off pop/rock music to classical?

[SquirrelNutkin86]

Lockdown has seen DD, 9, extremely musical and previously exposed to classical music, ballet, violin/piano lessons and church choir her whole life, suddenly immersed in wall-to-wall Disney+, NetFlix and The Next Step - all excellent, carefully chosen viewing, but very North American and pop/rock culture based. Now she’s asking to give up all her cultural extracurricular activities and just do swimming/gymnastics, sing along to pop songs and lie on the sofa watching TV for at least 3/4 hours on weekdays and 6/7 hours on weekends. I’m at my wits’ end! Should I give up trying to impose my own cultural heritage on her and let her make her own choices, or is there a way to lure her back into the discipline and exhilaration of classical music again? She’s extremely musical, a great communicator, has a lovely singing voice and plays the piano with aplomb (when I can persuade her to). I always hoped she might consider a career in classical music, perhaps as a teacher, conductor or composer, or at the very least enjoy singing in a choir or playing in an ensemble as a hobby. These are all potentially achievable ambitions, whereas the pre-teen dream of becoming a famous pop star or actress only materialises for one in a million!

As a start, I would limit her TV time, she seems to be watching an awful lot. An hour a day is fine, maybe a family film at the weekends.

From experience you cannot force a child to enjoy something just because you do or because you think they should. You are onto a losing battle and risk your relationship with them. It’s great she enjoys swimming and gymnastics.

My girls 12 and 14 and both have dropped all activities bar one sport each which they focus on.

I agree with both of the pp
Because you like something, it doesn't mean your dc will.
As a parent, it is good to encourage dc to follow a passion. Wel, or even an interest.

Point out that all types of singing will help with any pop ambitions by giving her a stronger voice and wider range.

Also remember it's very easy to overschedule children. Its one of the things lockdown has shown us. (We have been well aware of it recently as more stuff has opened up and it's been tempting to sign them up for everything.)

Why not let her try it her way until the end of the summer and then see? She might be bored enough to want to pick other interests up again.

My DM is a musician and I was spoonfed classical music. Made to do a tonne of choirs/ two instruments/ orchestra when I really wasn’t interested.

Result is that I now activly dislike music, which is a shame. If she’d let me do my own thing I suspect I would have found my way to liking it.

Can't you get her to join a 'next step' style dance group or a choir that focuses on modern songs if you are that insisting she does 'extra curricular activities'.

This comes over as very judgy! I would compromise, one classical musical activity and one free choice. My dd lives both classical and pop, randomising her Spotify list is very interesting - an aria followed by cheesy pop

Well, I’d definitely restrict the telly - an hour a day, tops.

I insist on one instrument & swimming. The rest is up to the kids, with caveats around cost & convience of course.

What does she actually want to give up?

Surely there is a compromise here? She can still dance, but something like tap, modern or street dance? Instead of a classical choir find her a singing group or performing group? If she's talented at playing music, why not encourage her to play the kind of music she does enjoy? She can play Disney songs on the piano surely?!

You are in danger of alienating her from these activities completely by what comes across as your own snobbery. Show her these talents are interchangeable and can help her to enjoy the things she likes.

Tricky...

I sympathise with some of this. DD11 has also lost interest in most of her activities over lockdown and loses herself in Netflix etc. We've had to step in and limit her access to devices and tv as it had gotten out of hand. We've had difficulty in trying to understand whether she has genuinely lost interest in things or whether it's a direct result of lockdown.

There is a certain amount of escapism in these series- the (usually older) kids live a very carefree life apparently free from rules and restrictions. Easy to see why that would be such a draw to them in the current climate.

DD's are both musicians. It has been hard to keep the youngest going but she is picking up again now we are back to face to face lessons and some ensemble playing with other kids.

As for the choice of listening material... anything goes in our house and it's ALL relevant as far as I'm concerned. We just spent the journey back from JD belting out Gangnam Style and other similarly awful 'trash'. But it was fun and music needs to be fun or there is no point. The girls will often pick out the tunes from their favourite pop or musical theatre tune by ear on their instruments. And as another poster has said, shuffle on any of our Spotify playlists (mine included) can give some hilarious juxtapositions!

I think I would gently be trying to encourage DD to some group music making with her violin so she can remember that it's fun. Maybe get her some violin / piano arrangements of some of the pop stuff she likes listening to so she can play that alongside her 'proper' repertoire. But also listen her request to cut back and fit in the gym/swimming. As others have said, compromise will win the day...

Maybe focus more on the music she likes - classical is not the be all and end all.

The ABRSM even have a new singing syllabus which has no folk or classical component.

My DD refuses to look at the classics at all - but we sneak in classical crossover and hope that eventually she'll find an interest on her own. In the meantime, I ensure that she has great teachers and that her technique is good and strong.

The Next Step does my head in... have you thought of introducing her to Glee? DD started watching that at 9 and it massively expanded her rep and made her more enthusiastic about her dance classes.

Glee is quite adult. I love it but wouldn’t even let my 11 year old watch it yet.
I agree that you need a compromise.
One musical instrument.
Find a more eclectic choir that will keep up her singing.
Find a dance style that interests her.
Limit the TV and keep exposing her to a wide range of cultural opportunities.

I think you should just let her be interested in whatever she’s interested in. If she’s lost interest in classical music then that’s fine, we don’t all like the same things. I personally would never push my children to do any extra curricular stuff they didn’t want to do, including learning an instrument (and I say that as someone who did all piano grades and all ballet grades)! There’s a lot of pressure on children from all angles, I think they need to have fun and knowing how to relax is really important.

9 is very young to be giving up music. I certainly wouldn't be letting my dc watch that much TV regularly. Mine do music practice and school work and are rewarded with gaming time, not every day. I'm not pretending its fun. It's just an obligation. Your problem is sounds like you want her to love it. I'm not sure many love learning an instrument but they do it because they enjoy the achievement.

I always hoped she might consider a career in classical music, perhaps as a teacher, conductor or composer, or ar the very least enjoy singing in a choir or playing in an ensemble as a hobby. These are all potentially achievable ambitions

These are all your ambitions, not hers.

She's 9.

You start with Lockdown has ... there is your answer. She is only 9. I would go week day screen ban plus find her a local musical theatre class etc so activities yes, but maybe more up her current stream. Piano lessons learning more modern music for a while rather than just music grade pieces (keep the scales going etc). Street dance etc.

Please be careful limiting screens too much. I know mumsnet is generally very anti screens but particularly for this age group it really is part of their whole social experience and she will be massively excluded if you ban them or limit them to the extreme.

My immediate thought is your poor daughter! Does Sue have no say in her life, what she might want to achieve, explore and do with her life?!

Way too much tv! However you need to find things she enjoys - just because of pure pleasure not because of the career you think she will have

Why does it need to be classical? Can't she play pop/rock music on violin/piano?

Hundreds of thousands of children have all sorts of extra-curricular activities. Why is it that some parents (particularly the classical music and/or ballet ones) have ambitions for it to morph into a career and push and push their dc into it, even though the kids themselves aren't all that bothered?

For 99.9% of those children it won't go anywhere near that, mostly due to either insufficient talent, or a lack of inclination. It's just a hobby.

How about introducing her to Legit musical theatre. Rodgers & Hammerstein Cinderella perhaps. Mind you there is some glorious music in Hunchback of Norte Dame & the film music of John Williams & Alan Silvestri.

At 9 my daughter was the same I joined her to a musical theatre group and she did tap dancing. She gave up clarinet lessons and took up singing.
It built she came back to ballet at 14 as realised this was the core needed for her dream musical theatre. Now she is in professional training.
All music and dance are worthwhile, you can learn the same stuff with modern/musical theatre. Let her learn what gives her pleasure she will work harder at that.

She’s 8 and you’re worried she might not become a music teacher when she grows up? 😂😂 Are you for real?

Guide her, but don’t dictate - you’ll never impose your choices on her. And if you think it’s hard getting her to accept your musical likes on her now, wait till she’s a teenager. No chance! She will be far more likely to carry on playing and singing if you let her find her own style. In our house atm the favourite bits of music being obsessively played by DS10 are the mandalorian theme (played differently depending on whether classical or electric guitar, Vindaloo by Fat Les, the Ace of Spades, Oh Tempora (but sung with made up lyrics) and Seagulls Stop it Now by Bad Lip Reading. DD13 has shown a great deal of promise on the piano but seems much happier just thrashing away on the drums, much of it unrecognisable except for the MGM drum roll she is learning for a music exam. Her logic is that being a percussionist means she can take part in all the music groups at school (not that any are active atm due to Covid) from timpani in the orchestra to bongo drums with the choir.

From my POV, I am just happy they are enjoying music. I was told at 13 to ditch riding ponies by my music teacher as I couldn’t do both, and I handed my violin straight back. It had never occurred to her I would enjoy ponies more than music, and I still feel aggrieved that decision was forced on me by someone who thought it was not worth playing an instrument unless I was intending to aim for a classical professional career before I had even decided on my GCSEs. DH plays in a pub band and loves it. I would much rather my children end up with the skill and love than your idea of ‘the right sort of music.’

Thanks Mumsnet for such a wide variety of opinions! It looks as though I need to start thinking “outside the box” and let DD take the lead in choosing her own activities.