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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

Any parents sit in on kids dance or gym practice?

26 replies

peppersneezes000 · 04/12/2019 11:09

My daughter is a young competive dancer, I've always sat in on classes as parents are allowed & I feel I can listen to her corrections & help her at home... However now I'm doubting it's a good thing as I've started comparing her to other kids & finding fault with her dances. I find I'm not picking telling her to focus etc.... I'm afraid if I don't sit in she won't progress as all the other mothers of the girls in her age group sit in & observe... Obviously I want her to progress & do well at her dance as she loves it & really enjoys the competive side of it too... She's 7, please advise on what's best

OP posts:
daisypond · 04/12/2019 11:18

What do you mean by a “competitive dancer”? I don’t understand. Do you mean she does competitions? Or something else? But parents shouldn’t watch. It’s distracting for children and intrusive for the teacher. When mine took classes, parents were not allowed to watch, apart from a demo class at the end of term. The glass panel in the door was also blocked out so people couldn’t peep. Unless you are a trained dancer yourself, how do you know what the faults are, or the good things?

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 04/12/2019 11:21

Yes she does competitions, there is a seating area for parents... It's in the studio so I can hear the teachers corrections

OP posts:
daisypond · 04/12/2019 11:33

But how can you help her at home? Remind her what the teacher said about this and that? But I’d stay well out of it, personally.

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 04/12/2019 11:38

She has to practice her dances at home as she does alot of competions so I watch her dances, I would be fairly knowledgable as I dancer (the same style Irish) when I was young so I can help. So I do watch her practice at home & help reminder her of technique corrections when needed. It's a very expensive hobby & she competes at open)national & international competitions

OP posts:
Seeline · 04/12/2019 11:39

I haven't sat in on my DDs dance lessons since she was 2 1/2 when she told me she didn't need me to stay, the other big girls (4yo) would look after her Grin

I never sat in on music lessons either.

You wouldn't expect to sit on school lessons - you trust the teacher to do their job!

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 04/12/2019 11:43

I know, it's just the other parents sit in also & observe, it's a call competitive world & I feel like my child might not have an advantage if I'm not there?

OP posts:
bigjambun · 04/12/2019 11:59

Ultimately, I think I'd try not give in to these ultra-competitive urges. I'd stay out of it. It seems a bit destructive to be comparing and finding fault rather than it just being something the kids can enjoy.

daisypond · 04/12/2019 12:17

I don’t know anything about Irish dancing. But your child is only seven. One of my DC is a professional dancer and hadn’t even started dancing at that age. There is no need to be doing competitions of any sort, let alone international ones, at that age. Mine has never done any competitions. It’s a waste of money and time. Having fun is what matters at seven, and getting good teaching. I would be wary of any dance school that heavily pushes competitions. From what you have described so far, the dance school doesn’t sound like a very healthy environment for a child.

daisypond · 04/12/2019 12:25

Meant to say, are competitions normal in the Irish dancing world? Are there dance exams?

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 04/12/2019 12:40

Yes, the competitions are called feiseanna & they are up & down the country every weekend. There are exams but they are for students wishing to become teachers so my child is years away from this.
She loves the competitions.

OP posts:
daisypond · 04/12/2019 14:38

OK, it’s a very different set-up to what I have heard of or know.

egontoste · 04/12/2019 20:45

It's her hobby, and I'd strongly suggest that you take a massive step back and let her get on with it.

My dd was a dancer, and having me nitpicking at home would have been her worst nightmare.

livingthegoodlife · 04/12/2019 21:45

My DD is a dancer. I do sit in on her lessons as I too like to listen to her corrections. We then practice the corrections at home so she improves. If I don't listen then when she practices at home I don't have a clue how it is "supposed" to look. My DD also does competitions.

I don't think the other replies on this thread so far understand competitive dance!

Original poster
peppersneezes000 · 04/12/2019 22:10

Thanks living the good life, is it Irish too? I feel like I need to be there but then would she progress fine without me or would the other kids whose parents also stay move ahead of her faster.. competitive dance is expensive obviously results aren't everything her enjoyment is more important but we want to give her every possible change & without sounding like a crazy dance mom the best advantage we can

OP posts:
FluffyEarMuffs · 04/12/2019 22:19

I've had it both ways, and different styles of teachers and classes.

In DD's current (and hopefully future as I never want to move her!) RAD ballet classes, we are meant as parents to sit in on dance lessons, take notes (oh yes!) and then encourage specific practise at home.

I mostly do as my daughter likes me to, even though she is now at senior school and certainly not a little one just starting out.

I often do video clips of both her and her teacher demonstrating, and she watches them at home. She finds this massively helpful as she spots her own mistakes.

I sometimes don't though as I have to work/travel.

As I said, I've had it both ways. Her previous dance school never let parents watch! It isn't that reflective in results either as both dance schools are some of the best UK wide and get 99% distinctions and are run by very well regarded dance teachers. Just different teachers have different approaches and want different things out of parents.

From Intermediate Level onwards, I doubt I'll watch much. I did sit in on my eldest daughter's grade 8 ballet practise private lesson though and thoroughly enjoyed watching her exam work and felt I then understood it more to support her.

As they get to a certain much higher level and age, it's not nearly as much.

FluffyEarMuffs · 04/12/2019 22:21

PS this is me replying as a non competitive one! Mine do RAD classical ballet and never do competitions. It's not just competitive dance teachers who have this approach.

bigjambun · 05/12/2019 13:57

But what's the point in dancing? Or singing, or painting, or swimming, or everything fun. It seems a shame if it's all about competing. If you're locked into a system of competition and your daughter is enjoying that, it's hard to get out of but there are other choices. It doesn't have to be that way. And if you decide to carry on with it, try not to nitpick at her about other people being better, because that's a good way to lose enjoyment for everyone.

user1471539385 · 05/12/2019 17:52

Does your DD want you to help correct her? I think that is key. My DD competed at dance festivals until she went to full-time ballet school, and loved working on her dances together. It was our thing. If that is the case, and the teacher is happy for you to sit in, and you don’t have siblings in tow getting fed up, then it sounds like a great idea for rehearsals. However, be very wary of it driving a wedge between you if she doesn’t want you to help. Competitions are a quick way of killing a love of dance if not right for the child!

Moominfan · 05/12/2019 18:25

Just ask what she would like

egontoste · 06/12/2019 00:46

I don't think the other replies on this thread so far understand competitive dance!

Maybe not, but I do know quite a lot about the quality of training required to become a full-time professional dancer. And practicing in your front room with mum telling you what you're doing wrong ain't it.

Once a young dancer's training gets beyond a certain level of technical difficulty, I don't see how anyone other than an expert professionally qualified dance teacher would be able to coach them and give meaningful corrections.

So how parents think they can help their kids practice at home is a mystery. If you are not able to give the right sort of correction, all the kid is doing is practicing with uncorrected poor technique and reinforcing bad habits.

And don't get me started on stretching.

KatnissNeverdone · 06/12/2019 14:06

DD is also 7 and started competing in group dances last year. We get called into classes occasionally as a "come and see what we've done" sort of thing or if they need an audience to gee them up a bit. (They're only little.)

We do sit in on one to one lessons but only for encouragement and so we know what to expect at comps.

Pythonesque · 06/12/2019 19:41

Well I'm no dancer, but I'm now teaching violin (and have seen my own children through music lessons and practice). I would strongly recommend that children benefit from fairly close supervision of their practice up till at least the age of 8 - it is uncommon that younger ones will remember and sequence what their teachers have asked them to do without a bit of help.

So if you can focus on what the teacher is doing with them, and write a checklist of "things to practice", maybe that will help you focus on guiding your daughter into effective routines at home without having to think about anything the other kids are doing. It will be good if she can take ownership of what she does at home, in your shoes I'd perhaps have a goal of her becoming more independent in practice over the next couple of years.

NerrSnerr · 06/12/2019 19:48

It depends what your daughter wants. Does she do it purely for fun or does she want quick succession?

daisypond · 06/12/2019 19:56

I agree with @egontoste. That’s what we were told - not to practise at home. Mine did ballet, so maybe it’s different.

user1471539385 · 06/12/2019 21:40

OP’s daughter is 7, though, and OP has experience of the dance style, so at this stage to give reminders like ‘keep your shoulders down’ and ‘stretch your feet’ is not beyond what she is able to help with. Clearly this wouldn’t replace time spent with a teacher, but in order to have a solo competition-ready, the DD is likely to be doing additional practice at home.

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