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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

Trial lessons

14 replies

worriedaboutmygirl · 10/09/2019 17:39

My Dd has just turned 8 and has done a couple of trial lessons with music teachers lately. Both times it’s been made clear to me that I’m not invited into the room and they are not interested in discussing anything with me. Am I being unreasonable that given her age, I’d like to sit in for a few minutes of the lesson and get a view on the teacher myself? With her older siblings we’ve had some great teachers and some that just don’t click. I don’t want to commit to the time and money unless I have a sense of whether it’s going to work or not, particularly given notice periods. And I think she’s happier if I’m in the room with a new adult. What are other people’s experiences?

OP posts:
BeyondMyWits · 10/09/2019 17:54

the teacher needs to know the child wants to learn music... not that the parent wants the child to learn music.

Original poster
worriedaboutmygirl · 10/09/2019 17:58

Firstly I’m not sure how five minutes in the room would prevent that happening and secondly, I’m not sure if that’s really the point - it’s not about the teacher deciding whether they want the child as a student

OP posts:
BeyondMyWits · 10/09/2019 18:16

it’s not about the teacher deciding whether they want the child as a student

it really is - and that statement is why they don't want you in the room...

both my girls did piano - DDnow18 went to the first teacher she had a trial lesson with, DDnow17 had 3 different trial teachers before both sides were happy - my input was to make sure they turned up on time and to pay 4 weeks in advance. DD18 was 7 when she started, DD17 was 10

ArsenicChip · 10/09/2019 18:23

3 x DC here who all had lessons from that age up to international competition standard. I found that it varied by how naturally extrovert the teacher was. The best teacher (a remarkable man) was lovely but very shy - apart from on stage! I never ever saw him teach. I did however pay close attention to how he spoke to my DC, and how he was around them generally. You can tell that without watching a lesson. Conversely I also found that the least sympathetic teacher and the one they made least progress with was also very very keen to demonstrate in front of parents. She was loathsome.

Original poster
worriedaboutmygirl · 10/09/2019 18:44

"it’s not about the teacher deciding whether they want the child as a student

it really is - and that statement is why they don't want you in the room..."

I've never had a music teacher tell me that they didn't think it was working with one of my DC even if my DC were a) really unhappy with the teacher or b) not making any progress.

Generally we're locked into two terms commitment (one term's notice) so I have ended up having to continue to pay for lessons when it patently isn't working.

I'm really uncomfortable making the commitment without having a chance to assess whether it might be either non-productive or counter productive.

How do I assess this without spending anytime with the teacher?

@Arsenicchip - you do make a good point that the ones who are good with the parent are not necessarily the good teachers.

OP posts:
sirfredfredgeorge · 10/09/2019 20:00

How do I assess this without spending anytime with the teacher?

Can you not talk to your child, they're 8 not 4, surely they have plenty of experience of teachers by now, can't they answer questions about the lesson? Not with music, but plenty of other teaching of skills and 8 year old DD can certainly give a good report on the teacher - particularly if they are teaching a skill she actually already understands - which it seems to be the case with your children here too?

sirfredfredgeorge · 10/09/2019 20:01

(of course by saying that I don't actually think it's unreasonable to see some of the lesson, even if not all of it)

BringMoreCoffee · 10/09/2019 23:18

With some teachers I've always stayed, and so have parents before and after me. My children are not advanced musicians.

I do agree with PPs that it's as much about whether the teacher wants to accept the pupil. I wonder what would have happened if you'd had a slightly thicker skin and said you would be sitting in. My son is older but autistic, and we need someone who will flex a bit round his needs, so anyone who wouldn't allow me in is unlikely to be a good fit for us.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 11/09/2019 09:50

I wouldn't necessarily expect to be allowed to sit in on any of the lesson at that age (don't remember my mum doing it and I was 4 when I started music) but we don't do music lessons so I have no idea what is the norm. I WOULD however expect at the end of the session for the teacher to spend a bit of time talking to me/feeding back on how it went etc. So say the trial was 30 minutes I suppose I would expect a few minutes the teacher talking to the child at the beggining, about 20 minutes of playing music/learning and about 5 minutes of then feeding back/do you have any questions/this is how I do things type stuff.

Comefromaway · 11/09/2019 15:12

It should be a two way thing. Dh teaches singing and I have taight drama in the past. I've also used various tutors for my own kids.

It's usual for parents not to be allowed in the room during a lesson but a discussion or inviting you in for the last 5 minutes to show you/talk to you about what they have been doing and what their approach will be is a reasonable expectation.

Alsoplayspiccolo · 12/09/2019 10:08

I'm an instrumental teacher and I always invite prospective pupils to come for a trial lesson, which is about finding out whether we (teacher and pupil) are a good fit.
I'm happy for a parent to sit in this lesson, as it's the opportunity to discuss expectations and how a parent can support their child's learning.
Once lessons are started properly, I ask parents to come in at the end, either to discuss what we've covered or to talk about any issues etc.

I believe that the success of lessons is based on a triangle, with pupil, teacher and parent each playing an important role.

folkmamma · 12/09/2019 19:22

I'm very 'hands on' with my DC's music. So any prospective teacher has to work well for both them and me. If I wasn't allowed in the room that would be an immediate deal breaker. Fortunately not something we've experienced, even with DD's junior conservatoire teacher, who is so wonderfully collaborative in respect of her training. Keep looking and good luck!

Cevapi · 12/09/2019 20:29

I teach piano. Three of my pupils have their mothers sitting in during their lessons. I don’t mind. I don’t do anything differently whether a parent is present or not. I forget they are there half the time, they mainly just sit on their phones.

I always spend a good 5 mins after the lesson going through with a parent what we have done and what the practice expectations are for the week. If a parent is present during the lesson then half of that conversation doesn’t need to happen.

There is one parent who has recently asked if she can start sitting in on lessons. I am welcoming that as I am hoping that will mean she may encourage her child to do some practice as there has been next to no progress in 6 months. Am not too optimistic though. Out of all my pupils, there doesn’t seem to be any correlation between the ones who have a parent sitting in and the ones who work the hardest. I was surprised as I thought a parental presence would have more of a positive impact.

se22mother · 12/09/2019 21:57

I sit in on two of DD's music lessons. The teachers like it as it means I remind her about the tedious bits of practice as well as the fun stuff. Both teachers are happy to work as a team

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