Confidence builder

[mummy49]

I'm looking for a club for my son who is starting secondary school in September.
He lacks confidence and is very shy.
I'm hoping to get him a summer club activity to give him a boost.
Any ideas?

What are his hobbies/interests? Science, sport, music?

Acting/performance classes are always touted as boosting confidence. But what are his interests? What’s he good at? Tricky because say he loves football but is not particularly skilled - the ‘banter’ might not help! Something you think he will excel at for sure!

He's quite academic, he reads all the time and is very good at maths.

He does karate, which is his favourite sport. Banter is difficult for him but that's mainly due to his shyness. I was even thinking of some therapy but I have no idea what to do.
Friendships are hard for him, he doesn't always understand the rules of play and as a result he becomes vulnerable to unkindness. Ive just found out a few disturbing details of how he has been treated by boys we considered to be his 'friends'. It's very upsetting for me as mum to hear what I'm hearing. I think a lot of it boils down to his lack of confidence. He doesn't have the skills to ignore the unkindness and to walk away. He is very sensitive but he buries a lot of his feelings.

There’s normally some performing arts summer schools around. Being part of a youth theatre has really helped my shy dd1 to become more confident.

Drama is often touted if he is prepared to give it a go, but it can be pretty intimidating to a shy child. Ditto sports camps unless they are keen on the sport. If he wants to do drama and is confident enough to try, I think that would be a great shout, but my 11 year old found it too embarrassing to join.

I think it's the teacher and set up rather than the activity - look for anywhere he can feel comfortable. No one would suggest coding club as a standout for encouraging social skills, for example, but if he is mixing with like minded children then he might get a lot more out of that socially than from something that is more overtly Good For Confidence IYSWIM. I would be looking for something in a small group with quite a lot of directed learning.

I think at 11 he needs a lot of input into what the activity will be. Anything he is excited to try is the best way forward.

There are some great tech-based summer camps which are perfect for kids like your son. There are tons of organised activities so the kids are working side by side. It's an easy way for kids to make like-minded friends. It may also be really helpful for your DS to meet others like him and realise that there's nothing wrong with preferring a book to a football. Try googling tech camps and maths camps.

I also wanted to say that once he starts secondary he might find his tribe. My DS is very quiet and geeky but he's got a good friendship group of half a dozen like-minded kids at school. He also got to take part in the Royal Institution Maths Masterclasses where he was overjoyed to be in a lecture theatre full of equally maths mad kids! Hopefully your DS's school is part of that scheme.

Drama / performing arts workshops might increase comfidence for some, but could also be another shy child's worst nightmare.

I don't think any new activity is going to have much impact on his confidence in 6 weeks. Confidence comes from persevering at something over time and developing mastery of it.

Sailing has massively increased my DS's confidence, but it's taken 2 years to give those results and only really then because, after working his backside off and overcoming a lot of initial fear, he's turned out to be shit hot at it. If he was still rubbish I doubt it would have given him the same boost. Kids do need to experience valued success.

If you think anxiety is at the root of his shyness it might be worth going through the 'Starving the Anxiety Gremlin' book (or similar) and helping him build some strategies to deal with that first.