9yo reluctance to do clubs

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My 9yo DD has always enjoyed being at home. She does also like to go out and about and do thing together or with friends but also usually pleased to get back at the end of a day. She has done after school clubs on and off, only usually one or maximum two a week at any one time as she is always reluctant to fill up her week too much and never wants to book in any regular activity at weekends. She is never overly enthusiastic about the clubs she chooses to do, just says they go ‘ok’ but never gets excited about them.

DD is not at all sporty really- she enjoys science and reading but is always very reticent about PE at school or other activity where she has to exert herself.

I’ve noticed that over the last year or so the wanting to be at home is starting to outweigh the wanting to take part in things and when she is at home, she is wanting more and more screen time rather than pottering about doing craft/drawing etc as she used to. She already gets a reasonable amount and I don’t want to increase that.

I tend to. feel that she ought to do a regular club that involves exercise as its important to build this habit for when she’s older. My question is, when a child is not sporty or inclined to be out at after-school clubs how much choice do you give them? How can I organise this without her feeling like she’s being forced into it/resentful?

Thank you.

Do some exercise with her instead - go for a walk, do C25K together, go swimming as a family, try canoeing/sailing/SUP boarding, play tennis, cycle, go to Zumba - it doesn't have to be a commitment or anything formal just getting moving together.

Does she swim?

Our DD is similar and when she asked to give up swimming we said yes, but what exercise are you going to do instead? Just built in the expectation that she needed to do something really. She does ballet outside school, and extra yoga in school. We also take her out cycling. If she doesn't want to do full-on clubs, does school offer any after-school activities? They tend to be a more more low key.

You could also try a couple of screen-free evenings if that's your style. We have tablet-free days.

My kids starting wanting to spend more time at home at this age. They have selected out things they no longer want to do & honed in on a couple of things.
School also becomes a bit more 'real' at this age and I have found that they need 'down time'.
Take her lead & listen to her while continuing to offer options

Please don’t force a sporting activity if she doesn’t want to do it. Hobbies do not have to be sport-based. Would she perhaps like to learn an instrument? My dds both do hours of music a week now and it’s become so, so important for them. Individual practice, playing in a variety of groups, understanding the importance of discipline and how to work with others.

Agree that family fun is much better. Also agree that they really start to need actual down time at this age.

I only did brownies at that age. nothing else. nothing sporty. I enjoyed craft, sewing and reading though and of course I am so old we didn't have a computer and children's TV was only on a brief amount each day. oh and I played an instrument.

I don't think they NEED to be doing organised activities but I can understand you wanting her to keep fairly active. If she isn't keen on sports though then your best way to do this rather than make her do a sports club is probably introduce more walking either to and from school or to shops or at weekends etc. or bike riding. and don't rule out things like climbing walls and so on. she might just like something less regular that she hasn't had a chance to try yet. I agree just introduce some non screen time (something we really need to do here although ours is restricted and switches off after the allocated time we have set) but perhaps at this age put some scientific reasons there as your reason why. so some of the statistics on how too much screen time is bad. so you can say you are introducing it because it is now known it isn't good so you want to put her first blah blah blah. might make it less "urgh you are SO HORRIBLE" as parents if she is one of those children who gets very stroppy about things (speaking from experience)

I hated sports because I have no real coordination, crap balance and I'm slow. Being forced into any kind of group activity was miserable for me.

I wish we'd had more hiking/rambling type outings as a family to get me into a habit of being more active though. Absolutely nothing wrong with talking openly about the importance of exercise - as long as it's about general health and fitness and not "so you don't get fat", but don't assume she'd want to make it a social activity too!

Agree with PP totally, look for something to do together.

Thank you for the replies- some really helpful ideas.

We could definitely do more as a family exercise-wise (we do cycle and sometimes go for a family swim together) but definitely could improve- thats a plan.

She does swim, but again, when it’s her organised lesson, she’s very unenthusiastic but does enjoy going for a swim with me which is good.

School has definitely become more intense so maybe this is why she is seeking out more ‘down-time’. I think I was just starting to worry that this is a downwards spiral.

An instrument is a fab idea as is some specific screen-free time.

The last thing I want to do is force her and I absolutely love and support the fact she adores science for example, but I do of course want her to be healthy. Perhaps more family activity is the way forward.

does she like dogs? could you suggest borrowing a neighbour or friend's dog to take for walks? sometimes having a purpose can make a walk seem more appealing

My DS9 is the same, if not worse! He doesn't want to join a football club even though he absolutely loves playing it at home with dad/siblings/cousins. I worry he is missing out on fun things but he just doesn't want to do anything extra to school. He is a 'home bod' and kicks up a fuss if we go out at the weekend, although he tends to end up enjoying it once we are out. I think we just need to accept this is the way they are and as long as they are happy and healthy it is ok. I have a friend who encourages her children to do everything, they have very little downtime, she is run ragged driving them here there and everywhere, I would have disliked that as a child myself, I actually remember just enjoying being at home. Neither way is wrong, we are all different and it is just personal preference!

We brought a dog a couple of years ago and she gets us out walking and going to the park. Great idea a PP had of borrowing one to take for a walk (my friend also does this, I think there is a specific website you can sign up to).