November Music Thread

[Wafflenose]

Welcome to all musicians/ parents of musicians, young and 'mature', beginners and advanced, plus everything in between. This is one of the nicest corners of Mumsnet and the music threads were started for my older daughter towards the beginning of her musical journey, 7 years ago. Everybody on the thread was a beginner once!

I have recently seen "we're not a musical family", "I'm not musical" on here quite a lot, and would like to gently challenge that... perhaps you may not have found the right instrument/ teacher yet, or have no desire to play, but I think that everyone is musical. It's not a special something that is limited to certain individuals, although of course everyone's aptitude and natural ceiling varies. I have had the pleasure of teaching almost 1000 people to read and play music now, ranging in age from 3 to 96 and incorporating a range of additional needs, and I think they all got something positive from their lessons! What our young musicians most need from us - whether we play ourselves or not - is lots of encouragement, time and space to practise, and of course the constant taxi service and financial support we give to their lessons and ensembles!

I have two DDs, Goo The Energy Conserver (flute and piano, lapsed recorder and picc player) who is pretty lazy and complacent at the moment and just wants to enjoy her life, and Rara The Awkward (clarinet, cello, recorder) who tries hard... when it suits her! We have nothing special lined up this term, but possibly piano and clarinet exams for next term. Goo claims she wants to dust off her recorders and theory books to get another couple of Grade 8s before she leaves school. I'll believe that when it happens.

Over to you.

Romany we sometimes have to “divide and conquer” so each dc only gets one of us to watch . Dh misses lots as he often stays home with dd . I try and go but don’t think I will be making all the brass band concerts this time in fact I offered not to go if ds feels me in the audience is too much pressure !! He says it’s fine but I’m definitely not going to the contest in march my nerves really couldn’t stand that !!
Can’tkeep that sounds really hopeful I’ll keep everything crossed !!

Swaying it’s not weird at all not liking watching - I hate it- just do it to be supportive . I love listening when he’s playing in an orchestra with no pressure ( and preferably something that I haven’t had to listen to him prepare at home!!) this seldom happens with ds so I often sit in the audience feeling really on edge. Im really hoping as time goes in I enjoy it more - it has however stopped me feeling nervous when I perform so there’s a plus side at least

I don't like watching DS plays solo, but I do my best to get to all his performances. I get to the end and realise I've been holding my breath the entire time! If you've ever seen the video of the parents of a gymnast twisting and bobbing along to every move of her bars routine, that's me!!

Another one hugely relieved to find that I am not the only one regular missing concerts. I have one child in 4 ensembles, and one in two ensembles (and only one of those is the same as the other child!). And the concerts always seem to be when I am working so there is not much I can do about it. Ds2 is now also gigging in clubs and as he is only 14, one of us needs to go with him as he often doesn't finish until very late. And that person is never me as I work in the evenings and also have a younger son. So oldest brother (17) or dh takes him. I would like to give up work and just do nothing but go and see my kids perform!

I totally understand the sentiment about not watching solos - I absolutely hate watching DD3 diving. Particularly because she’ll do a dive and I’ll have no idea how good it is until the scores come up!! I always desperately try to read her and her coaches/teammates’ faces!

At least with music if it sounds nice I can guess it’s going at least okay...

I hate not being there when the girls perform, but it's becoming more frequent that I miss one or the other of them. Noo has done 2 seasons of panto, so I did have to get used to not seeing all the performances (no way I was getting to all 33 each year!!!) but last year I chaperoned a bit which was great. This year it's DD2's turn and we are in the thick of rehearsals. Missed an ensemble performance by Noo at JD this weekend and will also miss her in her teacher's pupils' concert as I am with DD2 at the theatre. But Noo has had first dibs on my attention for a few years and so now it's DD2's time. Thankfully, DH and his parents share the audience duties!!! (Although not for the whole run of Pied Piper, DD2 will have to go it alone for some of the shows..)

I love listening when he’s playing in an orchestra with no pressure

I so recognise this.

I love listening to DS perform, because he doesn't particularly get nervous in ensembles, or soloing within ensembles. As a function of that, he doesn't really mind if we can't make it - he is there and his friends are there and he's doing what he loves. Just occasionally, I watch him and cry - usually when he's playing in an orchestra or a big band or something and he's so clearly with his people, doing his thing. I remember the horribly anxious, solitary, selective mute who I was told would never make it back to mainstream school and I have a little sniffle.

DD is a dancer, and gets much more anxious - less so about group performances (though she often has very prominent roles in these which make her worried about letting others down), much more if she dances alone - so I prioritise being there to support her because her need of me is greater. Oddly, her performance anxiety has increased with age - her two seasons of panto at 8/9 and 10/11 passed with barely a quiver - whereas DS has become more confident.

I can't get to every single one, so prioritise instrumental ones and anything where they might have solos etc. Goo has a choir one coming up - tickets are £15, her choir isn't involved for much of it, and it finishes at 10.30pm - far too late for Rara. So I will have to give that one a miss, but will be going to Rara's carol services and also saw her SWMS performance yesterday. I'm going to Goo's big winter concert too, and never missed a performance they did when they were in the NCO.

My dd2 had a tricky musical weekend. She's still struggling with one of the ensemble pieces she's doing in wind band - and came out in tears because she couldn't play it and was terrified that the head of the centre (who was conducting her ensemble this week) was going to pick her up on it.

I finally looked at the piece and then I got her teacher to look at it too. She said 'I have a grade 5-6 pupil who is struggling to play this' (dd2 is Grade 3 and has been playing flute for two years - she's nine - she seems to be the littlest flautist in the band). They went through the piece in class and she is still struggling to play it to speed. It changes key about every five bars, is massively fast, and is so high that I (as a ropey pianist) can't actually read what some of the notes are as they have so many ledger lines and it is so badly photocopied. Also it has tons of glissandos and trills and she can't quite work out which notes she is supposed to be trilling on. Which may be a hole in her knowledge that needs filling, but hasn't been filled yet.

However, the Saturday Centre says dd2 is in the right band (main wind band is supposed to be grade 3 plus) so maybe it is just that this particular piece of music is v hard for her part...there is only first flute, so they all play the same.

All not helped by the fact that she's sitting next to a girl who keeps rubbing her head and calling her 'cute' - and apparently wouldn't stop touching dd when she asked her not to - which freaked her out.

I don't want to put her into a different ensemble if it is just this piece that is the problem - but it's not doing her confidence any good. Any thoughts on how to handle v gratefully received.

I sat in her lesson on Sat because she was so shaky - and I could see that the wind band piece was a massive step up from her Grade 3 pieces - which she finds really easy. I thought ensemble work was supposed to be at a slightly lower level than solo stuff - but I am clueless!

Help!

Some of DS2's choir concerts are too far/expensive (a recent one was £2000 [no mistake on the number of zeros] ). I don't go to anything overseas. And some are private engagements to which parents aren't invited.

But we try to ensure that someone goes to most concerts. With evensong, I go once a week and we try to ensure that someone is at as many services as possible (currently 4 out of 5 per week 'covered'). Typically, the day no-one was there, he got a big last minute solo. I was so upset to miss it, as solos in Year 6 don't come round that often.

I go to just about everything that he plays the violin/piano in, but he doesn't have that many concerts yet.

£2000 ?!?

Ouch mini, that sounds tough. I think usually at lower levels they pitch the music easier than the max grade level but in a grade 3+ open group they're not always going to be able to pitch it at grade 3. Could you ask the conductor if she can just miss out strategic sections of that particular piece rather than stress too much? In youth orchestra we used to say to the back of the second violins to just play the first note of every beat or something if it was too hard. Come to that even the professional leaders of my orchestras occasionally miss out a few notes to make sure they are staying in time in the ridiculously fast bits. Part of the skill of orchestral playing is knowing when and how to fake it!

Thanks Catkind - maybe if they talk to her and tell her that will be alright if she doesn't play the whole thing, she will believe them. She's convinced everyone else is playing every single note perfectly - but that may just be her perception! There are some very talented children there though.

Slightly surprised there is nothing more middly for her - she started at the centre in September, and straight into this band was an eyeopener for her -her friend in the year above is much the same level on a different instrument and was put into the much easier Junior Winds which he is complaining is a doddle. Her teacher observed that she 'must have done hell of an audition to have been put there in the first place' - so at least she was comforted by that.

£2000??? I complain at the £8 ticket when my kids play at LSO ST Lukes!!!

It can relate to the relative numbers of players and seats in the different groups too.

I was thinking watching DD play in a string group at the weekend, she looked rather out of things at times but she's right at the beginning of the learning curve as far as ensemble playing in general and that group in particular goes. Also cuuuuute! I'm not used to DD looking little, she's one of the tallest in her class.

To be fair, it was 7 events (the divine offices) on one day, but you had to buy one ticket. DS’s choir sang two or three if I remember. It is here, in case you want to get your name down early for next year www.martinrandall.com/divine-office

Sounds like an amazing experience if you are very rich. There was a waiting list for tickets...

Mini - sounds really tough for your DD Perhaps she could sit out the too hard piece, and sit at the side, following along the music. She will learn a lot, including that not everyone is playing every note perfectly!

I'm so glad mine wasn't a chorister now. She was very tempted and loves church/ choral music.
In the end it boiled down to logistics and there was no way we'd manage it.
Just looking at that and the others listed at the end is eye watering.
Saying that we revolved our whole family holiday around Opera for dd.

I could really do with some advice from those of you who have fairly advanced DCs or especially teachers of advanced DCs. We had a chat with DDs teacher last week and she said she feels in the next year or so we need to find a more advanced teacher. DD is about to sit grade 8 and hopes to eventually go to JD and later conservatoire. She’s currently 13. Her teacher has been amazing, but DDs instrument is not her first study, she’s a general woodwind teacher.
I’m just wondering how this would work at this level. Do people usually have a trial lesson or two? Would you try a few local people, or would that be likely to cause upset?! It seems like a big responsibility to find the right person! Any advice or experiences gratefully received 🙂

Other than the recommended Yamaha YAS280 does anyone know of anything slightly lower price wise that could fit the bill as a good learner sax? We were looking at the Gear4Music selection which seem to be much cheaper than most other brands we can see - is this because they’re not suitable further on or will it do?

Then, excitingly, I have to shop about for my 9yo’s first instrument! She’s turning 10 at the beginning of December and has just started asking about the cello. She’s 134cm tall - do you think we should be looking at renting a half size?

Hi everyone, I have found your past threads very interesting. I have a piano obsessed boy (just turned 10, started at age 6.5) who is about to take his gr5 piano exam and is very dedicated to practicing and playing 2-3 hours daily, sometimes more. Find it hard to balance practice/other kids/work at times and neither my husband nor I are musicians so can't always pick up on his mistakes. He is only in year 5 but we are already unsure about secondary schools as the ones my older kids attend have virtually no music. The more musical ones near us have very limited "music places" and pianists generally not useful to their orchestras etc. His teacher suggested applying to one of the Saturday London colleges when he is a bit older (in a year or so) and he is already totally set on that. Seems all very competitive though. Interested in how others navigate a healthy balance of music and life... :-)

Lotsofmilk, yes a trial lesson is a great idea. I would also be asking about track record especially at your DD's level. It's a very different game teaching beginners/early grades and teaching at Grade 8/Diploma level. If you can speak to any current pupils/parents even better. The NCO may be able to suggest suitable teachers local to you (although my DS's teacher is over an hour away but worth it as he is a world-class teacher so no need for JD). Happy hunting!

Ha ha, Zeemama, it is certainly a juggling act! I actually made DS join scouts so he was doing something non-musical! For me, it's really important to have other interests as well and make friends with lots of different children. Yes, music is horribly competitive and if that's your one and only thing then that can be really hard when you don't get that place you'd set your heart on.

Pancake that will be a half size. She is about the same size as Rara who is 10.5. She has had the half for a year and it should last for a couple more.