Any parents of choristers out there?

[Polar81]

My DD has been offered a place in a Cathedral Choir (non boarding). We are so proud of her and she is really excited, but still really young (not yet 7). I'm having a bit of a wobble as the schedule for the Christmas term came through today and it is very full on. She would not go straight to a full chorister rehearsal schedule but slowly build up as a probationer first. I don't know anyone else who has a child in a cathedral choir and wondered if there were any Mumsnetters out there who would share their experiences of the positives and give me a virtual hand hold!! Thanks in advance.

I am a chorister parent, and regular poster (name changed, as this is very identifying!)

My DS is 10 and going into year 6 in a college choir. The schedule is different to a cathedral choir because they don’t sing at Christmas and Easter, but instead do concerts and tours during the Easter and Christmas hols.

The schedule is full on: 5 evensongs a week (20 hours of singing). But it is amazing how DS2 has managed. The choir is a real community and the boys are incredibly supportive of each other. He has got masses out of it, both in terms of singing and also overall development as a musician. It can be challenging and tiring at times, especially in the Michaelmas term, when they have a lot of late night concerts. But I don’t regret it at all and neither does DS.

What is your DD’s schedule like? Is she at a School associated with the choir?

Thanks so much for replying ace. DD is not at a choir school, just a normal state primary. There are x4 evensongs a week plus rehearsals beforehand, and services on a Sunday. Really glad to hear your DS enjoys it- that's all I really want for DD. The reality of the schedule has hit home a little now, as wasn't at all sure if she'd even get through the audition etc so didn't overthink it. She's just a little girl who loves singing.

The choir do sing at Christmas and Easter and both these look fairly full on. Think we should probably just suck it and see as she will be a probatitioner to begin with and on a lighter timetable. I guess it's just hard for me to imagine such a big commitment before DD has even started iyswim? Really glad to hear your son has gained so much through it though.

My DS was a Cathedral Chorister attending a state school, he still sings on the back row!

We didn't know what we were letting ourselves in for and only thought about Christmas after DS was made up! He started at the end of Y4 so was a bit older, but was fast tracked as a probabationer due to previous music training.

It has been amazing and we are so glad he did it. You have to get used to life revolving around Choir and they learn to be very organised, especially when they are at the homework stage.

Thanks raspberry- good to hear others have done it and it's been an enriching experience. My DD is really keen at the mo, but hasn't yet started. We are hoping the whole thing will deepen her life of music etc, but did your kids ever go through significant periods of not wanting to sing / participate? Think I'm really overthinking, but always good to hear experiences of others who have been where we are before.

Oh yes, one year in he decided he'd had enough and had 'done it all' after the year's cycle of services. I persuaded him to give it until the end of term and alerted the Master of the Music to how he was feeling.

A big thing for him in that term was having permission to miss services one weekend to go to Cub Camp - he didn't think permission would be given, it was given very readily. It wuld have been given even without the wobbling that was happening.

I think knowing there was some flexibility helped him going forward - though we never asked to miss without a very good reason.

Of course he hadn't 'done it all' - since then he rose up the ranks to sing solos, went on tour abroad, had a brief appearance on Songs of Praise, represented his Choir at a big concert at St Pauls and on a CD - lits of amazing opportunities.

But what he says was the best thing about being a Chorister was being part of a team!

For us it was a tricky decision because of the level of commitment that you make on behalf of a young child - DS2 was only just 6 when he auditioned.

If he had changed his mind, he would have lost his place at the school because we can't afford full fees (he gets 2/3 off). In the end, we had to trust our instincts about DS2's personality, and the choir master's assessment of his aptitude.

There have been tough times: unmanagable numbers of late night concerts, live broadcasts that don't go according to plan, tedious recording sessions, clashes between musical commitments... But DS2 understands he has to stick with it, and he cares very deeply for the choir. He also benefits hugely from a type of education he wouldn't otherwise be able to access.

Thanks so much for your comments ladies. Hopefully she'll love it and it'll be a fantastic experience. It's definitely given me encouragement hearing your stories and DD can't wait to start so fingers crossed!

Just seen this, my dd is a chorister just about to start her last year. She started in year 5 having turned down the place the year before but it was an itch she had to scratch! It’s provided a lovely forum for her love of singing and music without a huge emphasis on performance which has been perfect for her. Her younger sister adores musical theatre but dd1 would prefer to sing with a bag on her head . Every big holiday season I have a wobble but the histrionics last year about missing midnight mass (a quirk of Christmas Day being a Sunday) were enough to convince me that she’s happy with the schedule. Feel free to ask any specifics via PM.

Just read ace choir’s last post and agree with everything. I thought dd was training to be a ventriloquist, such was the extent of her shyness but her choir master took everything at exactly the right pace for her and she opened the nine lessons last Christmas and regularly cantors (this will all make sense soon!)....unimaginable feats of confidence when she joined.

Hi chorister parents! ( especially raspberry who probably remembers me 😊)

My kids are “ graduates” now but we’re all choristers. We don’t have a choir school either. Dd1 started it at age 11 ( year 7 which was the age they initially started girls at here ) and ds and dd2 followed in turn when they hit 9 ( they had a dabble in starting girls younger T that point but I don’t think it really stuck as they sing through to 18 here rather than leaving at the same age as the boys do.

It’s a heck of a parental commitment especially when they are primary age. From 11 they could get themselves there by bus / train but I remember doing maths homework with the younger ones on the train back 😂

Can’t fault chorister training for the things it gives the right child. However they do have to be academically on top of things as the time commitment means they really have to be able to juggle everything ! However all 3 have gone into choral scholarships at uni earning a bit of money and acquiring a “ choir family” as well S contributing to sing and love it.

Interestingly ds is now on a paid key clerk post at a church and is applying for the Cathedral ( but doesn’t think he’ll get it as he’s not a music student ). Only dd2 is doing any music in her degree but eldest still sings most weeks.

Hi! I’m a musician and work with girl choristers at our school and cathedral. My DS (just turned 8) starts as a probationer in September. I’ve been part of this world for years but being a chorister parent is a whole new adventure and even I had a bit of a gulp when I saw this term’s schedule!
DS is very excited though and I know that he will enjoy it and get so much from being a chorister - it really is the most amazing musical education.

Wow! Just checked up on this thread and saw the new replies 😊 Thanks for all your advice and good luck to your son Chicoletta on beginning as a probatitioner. Another question I have is how being a chorister impacted on your child's other interests. My daughter has only recently turned 6 and currently does a couple of other clubs (gymnastics and rainbows). Once she becomes a full chorister I imagine this will be hard to sustain time wise as it is such a full schedule. Have you found that your DC have given up most other interests for the choir or have any continued with other hobbies / clubs alongside?

@SwayingInTime your post made me chuckle as I really can't imagine my DD doing all those wonderful things you see the TV choristers doing either and it just seems so otherworldly at the moment! I still see her as my baby!

Thanks @Helenluvsrob - congrats to your son! You must be v proud of all your kids 😊

Polar - DS2 has carried on with his instrumental music quite seriously, and maintains a highly active Xbox habit , but we are not able to fit in cubs etc.

Some choristers do sports clubs/swimming lessons on Saturday afternoons (between lunchtime and evening rehearsals) but we have found that it is not possible to fit in anything during the week, other than choir, instrumental practice and school/homework. DS2 rarely gets to go to birthday parties because he sings most of the weekend, but his really good friends bend over backwards to accommodate the choir schedule!

Overall, It is important to be realistic about what can be managed. DS2 could do more stuff, in terms of timetabling, but we insist that he has time for rest at home - so very few play dates and sleepovers.

Hi there, another Cathedral Mum here! It isn't really any different to having a child who competes seriously at sports (I have one of each) but does mean that the whole of Sunday is fully booked most of the time and he was exhausted by the time the Christmas services and concerts had finished. DS is at state school so has some serious juggling to do but it is manageable. He is at the RSCM choristers' summer school this week which he absolutely loves - demands to be booked in to the next one as we are driving home from the last! Be warned - if your DD is like my DS she may get a bit dissatisfied with the choir at school. It drives my son mad when rehearsing at school where the discipline and quality don't meet his exacting standards.

Thanks ace and jamiefrazer- I thought that might be the case. Fingers crossed that she really catches the choir bug and it all naturally progresses anyway and she's wants to do choir rather than other things in the long run. Don't think I (and her little brother!) could cope with anymore running round than I think we'll need to do for the choir anyway!

I've had two choristers, albeit both at choirschools. The younger one was barely 6.5 when he auditioned. If they are starting your daughter young I'm sure it will be a very gradual buildup. I do remember my son turning to me early in year 5 when the reality of the full schedule really started to hit and saying "Mummy why did I want to be a chorister?" - but he still remembered that he was the one who wanted to do it! And actually we just looked after him and made sure he got as much sleep as he needed and it's been brilliant for him. He is moving on now and I'll be interested to see how he finds the transition to "amateur" music making!

One of my daughter's schoolfriends had to choose between swimming and being a chorister. I'm not certain whether she felt she'd made the right choice - but this was a little older than your child, and I think focussing on one thing very seriously becomes more common as they get older. One of my violin students sings in a serious non-choirschool choir and so far (age 10 I think) has managed to keep up dance (changed dance schools to one that was more accommodating though!).

I hope you enjoy the journey ahead of you, it is an amazing privilege to be a choir parent.