Taking a hobby seriously

[pineapple22]

My DD is 8 and has been doing a few different activities since she was 4, a little bit of whatever took her fancy. Now she's getting older I'd like her to choose 1 or 2 and focus on them.

The one she chose, the one she's always loved above all others, we spoke to her coach last week who basically said not everyone can progress in this sport but plenty are happy just to do the one hour a week that DD is doing recreationally. (She was never picked for the teams, who train a few days a week)

I was fine about this at first, but now I kinda feel stuck. If DD was happy just doing this as an hour a week hobby, that would be fine, but she's not. She wants to give it her all, progress and go further in it but if she's never chosen for the team she won't have that chance and she'll have wasted years putting that as her favourite when she could've been focusing on something else.

Now I don't know what to do? Carry on letting her do her favourite activity one hour a week and just never go anywhere in it or have anything to show for it? Point her towards something similar that she would be able to give her all and progress in? Would it be unreasonable to ask her coach to just say once and for all "does she have the future she wants in this sport, yes or no?"

As for pointing her to something else, she thinks she might want to dance but is that something you can pick up at age 8 and progress in? Thanks

I had the opposite issue and I dealt with it by just stopping the hobby. My DD was 9 when her "fun" weekly gymnastics class turned into them pressuring me to send her up to 4 times a week (for which I'd have to pay) and multiple competitions.

I did not want my developing DD to enter a highly pressured competitive world and basically could not afford it either! She wasn't especially passionate though did enjoy it.

I removed her from the class and told her the truth...we didn't have time or money for that. Gymnasts have such bother physically later in life that it wasn't something I wanted to pursue. She now does art classes which are much more useful as she has a talent for it and is developing well.

You can certainly progress in dance from age 8 OP...I would look to that.

I should add...DD would never have become professional. She was and is far too tall.

Thank you for your reply!

Yes that's the other worry, that it'll get too competitive for her and she'll be miserable and lose her love for it. I think I'd have done the same in your shoes to be honest.

But I'd just love for her to be able to put her all into something and get things back from it that nobody can take away from her, like a pride in her own hard work, the ability to deal with failure, the trophies or certificates she'll get through it that she can add to her personal statement in secondary school and the like. I know she'll never be a professional but it'll still be good for her for lots of reasons. I focused on music myself as a teenager and even though I've not picked up a flute in years, I still have the grades and the discipline from it.

She's quite a dedicated and disciplined child and she likes having a focus and right now her focus is on this sport she wants to pursue further, but i think it might be kinder to her to point her towards another which is why I'm thinking of jumping at dance while she's interested. It's good to know she still stands a chance at 8, thank you!

If she has a gymnastics background then take a look at acro dance classes. Will be very easy to transition over.

That said, why not let her carry on doing it for an hour a week if she loves it? So long as there is a badge scheme, club recreational competitions etc. so she can progress and be rewarded then it can surely only be good for her?

My eldest DD has been doing gymnastics for six years now and only just moved into the advanced class. She is realistic and knows that she’s never going to make the squad no matter how hard she works. Doesn’t stop her loving it with a passion though.

If she has a gymnastic background maybe look at Disco Freestyle dance, we have loads of ex gymnasts at DD's dance school and having a gymnastic background really gives them an edge in DF.

Ask the coach (preferably not in front of your dd) whether she would have the potential to progress much further if she put in more hours. Do bear in mind, though, that they may well have an eye on the fact that more training = more income for them. Once you have your answer, you will then be able to talk to your dd and ask her what she would like to do.

The thing is, 99.9% of children doing any kind of hobby will not reach a level where they can succeed competitively, or consider it as a potential future career path.

For most it is just a fun hobby with no particular goal or end in sight.

Now she's getting older I'd like her to choose 1 or 2 and focus on them
Why?

I’ve known a fair few people who focused on their chosen sport, some getting to international competition level. Some trained as coaches, a few of those are still actively coaching. My point is, even among people who are very successful in a sport, it’s not the be all and end all in their life in adulthood. Of course there are some who make it their long term career but they tend to be the minority.

I don’t think there’s a need to narrow her focus at all. She should enjoy the activities for what they give her now and in the short term future. The vast majority of children that do any given sport will never do it more than recreationally. And that’s absolutely fine!