Should I let DD12 give up violin?

[Violinorbassoon]

I'd love advice from other musician parents about when to stop or switch instrument. DD has been playing violin for 5 years and has reached a really high standard - grade 7. Until the summer she went to a Saturday music school which she loved, as much for the friendships as the music. This time last year she was considering whether to audition for a conservatoire, but then decided against it.

Since then, she's gone off violin totally and refuses to practise or only does so under duress. She started secondary in Sept and started with a new teacher then and although she said that he's nice, she barely practices and says she wants to stop.

Last term her school offered free lessons in rare instruments and she tried bassoon and says she wants to switch to it instead. She has been keener about practising it, partly because the pieces for beginners are so much easier than what she was learning for violin (she's now started grade 8 pieces).

So the dilemma is this - music should be enjoyable so I don't want to force her into something she doesn't enjoy - but she's worked so hard in the past at violin and I'm afraid that if she stopped now she would forget everything and later regret it. It also feels kind of mad to switch from learning towards grade 8 violin to grade 1 bassoon.

WWYD?

I say go with the new instrument. Like you say grade 8 is a very high standard, maybe she just isn't ready? As for forgetting all she knows if she takes a sabbatical from violin I gave up piano after grade 6 at a similar age but returned to it at 19/20 and picked up where I left off and finished my grades. I think at 12 enjoyment is key x

Let her switch. She can go back if she wants, but you risk her giving up entirely.

Can she not continue with both.
A woodwind instrument, especially double reed doesn't require much practice to begin with as they need to build up their chops.
I'd encourage her to work towards grade 8, perhaps without the pressure of taking it anytime soon.
So maybe cutting down on the time spent on daily practice and fitting in bassoon practice.
Does she want to be a musician or did she start music as part of her general broad education?

I think she's not ready for grade 8, it musically requires a lot more maturity and there is a big jump up. I would keep going with the lessons and maybe make sure she is playing in an orchestra or similar once a week and just play grade 6/7 repertoire stuff for a few months (there is loads out there) and don't stress about the practice.

12 is a tough age, I guess she's recently changed schools and is settling in too. Can she go back to the music school?

I would also encourage the bassoon there is no harm in doing 2 instruments, just keep the violin going albeit on a less ambitious basis.

In a couple of years time when she is starting to consider uni's there are the UCAS points to consider and she clearly loves music so will pick up interest.

Also even if she doesn't study music many uni's offer a 'non music major' bursary so she can be paid quite a bit of money to be part of the university music community even if she's not studying music.

Thanks. Bauble, you're probably right that she's not emotionally ready for grade 8, certainly not for the practise commitment. She did practise when she was at the Saturday school as she really wanted to keep up with her friends, but once she decided not to continue there, all motivation was lost.

She doesn't want to be a musician - it's more for general education. She still thinks of herself as musical, and her secondary school has genuinely amazing music. She refused to join the orchestra for violin though, but has said she would for bassoon - once she's ready.

Continuing with both is potentially a waste of money - bassoon rental in particular is expensive - if she doesn't practise between lessons. I need to give a full term's notice so will need to decide whether to give notice in the next couple of days.

Oh dear, honestly she is better sticking with the violin if she has to make a decision. xx

She seems young to be taking grade 8 - though I'm a woodwind player, so maybe it's different. In some ways it would be a shame not to get her grade 8 but she still has quite a few years at school to pick it up again. At that sort of age it's difficult to "make" them do things, and I'd say if she's keen on the bassoon go with that for the moment - it's also good to have another instrument.

Grade 7 by age 12 is pretty impressive. I reckon she could have a few years off and still be able to pick it back up to a reasonable standard. Most kids her age are probably at a much younger level anyway so she'd slot back in.
Let her try something different.

I agree that she'd be better sticking with violin but she's very stubborn and is begging to stop, so in the end we probably don't have a choice. Last term we did the softly softly approach - I explained the situation to her teacher and we put no pressure on about practise. Due to the need to give notice, she's committed to lessons until Easter but says that she won't go to lessons after then.

It is very difficult to force a teenager to practice, and it will get worse as GCSEs approach and there are more calls on her time. She has to really want to do it.

The question is whether you are prepared to continue to pay for lessons if she doesn't practice. How hard does she work at bassoon? A 12 year old with grade 7 on a first instrument should be making very rapid progress if she's practising regularly.

I'm not personally a fan of obliging reluctant teenagers to continue, or paying for lessons when no practice is happening. My DD stopped her first instrument when she started secondary school. After a short gap during which she didn't play music at all she started to teach herself guitar and to compose, and she now plays several instruments including piano to post-grade 8 standard. Not sure any of this would have happened if she had carried on reluctantly attending music lessons that she wasn't engaged in.

I don't think you should force her, but you could reason that it would be a shame to stop when she has come so far.
Could she have a local private teacher who is not exam oriented and allow her to take a couple of years working towards grade 8.
she'd still be practising between lessons but not at the intensity she would if an exam was expected by x time.
Then with the time saved she could practice bassoon

Our DS decided he wanted to stop doing grade exams

(He owned his own trumpet btw)

He wanted to just play for fun rather than just playing same small number of pieces over and over again

It really worked he continued to play and the most important part in our opinion was that he enjoyed it

His teacher was fully supportive and increasing the variety of music actually made him better as a musician according to his teacher anyway

Is the violin her own instrument or rented?

Could you ask the school or teacher for help trying to find a 2nd hand instrument? (Bassoon or violin) that way there isn't the same pressure for rental costs

I know it is a lot but are you financially able to keep going with both, also switch to a private violin teacher, she will be in control if its during school time, not turning up to lessons etc. She will regret stopping, especially as up until a term ago she was enjoying it.

Well if it helps I was a similar standard at piano and against my parents wishes I pretty much gave up aged 10 but progressed with the violin instead which I had started age 9.

Then aged 14 I literally had a lightbulb moment in the bath and told my mum I wanted to start piano again with another teacher. I then worked towards grade 8 at both and ended up doing music at uni.

If she seems serious about the bassoon then encourage that.
It seems a shame to give up the violin having done so well so quickly but I remember well the resentment I felt towards my parents when they were trying to force me to learn piano. She might change her mind and it won't take long to get back to where she was

However on another train of thought is there a possible friendship issue at the orchestra she was attending? Orchestras really motivated me with the violin it seems a bit odd for it to have the opposite effect.

No, no friendship issues. The Saturday school she was at before led into a conservatoire and that level of commitment wasn’t for her. With the school orchestra, she’s new at the school and agreed for a trial because she ‘had’ to. Basically, once she’s made up her mind, she’s stubborn. She also likes the idea of being one of only a couple of bassoonists as opposed to one of many violins.

Yes it's great playing a less common instrument. Though you don't get a huge amount of glory as a bassoonist!

Yes, dd plays bassoon, and she absolutely loves her lessons, but come band time, clarinet is definitely first choice! I don't know how that compares to how much a violent contributes though.