July Music Thread

[Wafflenose]

I was celebrating the end of a VERY busy week with a glass of and realised it's now just past midnight, and therefore July! Have a new thread!

The music threads are for ALL musicians, young and old, beginners and advanced, and every style of music!

I have two DDs, Goo (11) who is currently stropping and eye-rolling her way through her last few weeks at primary school, and Rara (9) who is funny and creative. Goo is working towards Grade 8 Flute, and has been playing the piano for just over a year. She is refusing to take any exams or perform on it though. Rara has her Grade 3 Cello exam coming up soon, and is just moving beyond Grade 2 Clarinet now. Both played the recorder from age 3/4 and got to a really good level, but other than helping out with my school groups, they don't really play any more - they are particularly obsessed with the flute and clarinet.

I am a teacher of woodwind - currently about 80 recorder pupils (many group taught) in two schools, plus two private flute pupils and six private clarinet pupils.

I love his wise words, and am going to pass them on to Goo!

I am gradually uncovering the reasons why she thinks she's no good, and worthless, and her confidence has gone. She's been receiving mixed messages to say the least - her teachers all tell her she's amazing, we tell her we love her and she's wonderful, but someone has been subtly planting the opposite message in her ear for quite a few months. I'm a bit shocked about it, and have started to deal with it. She is going to need the summer to heal, and that fresh start can't come soon enough.

Yep, a good friend. I kind of knew about the personality clash and some other stuff that was going on, but Goo and I both kind of accepted it as normal... until her confidence came flooding back after 2 days at secondary earlier in the week, and slumped again yesterday.

Is it a "friend" Waffle? It is hard when you first encounter people that make themselves feel better by running others down but I feel that the sooner you learn to spot it the better because then it's something that you are aware of for the rest of your life. My best friend at junior school was lovely except on some mornings when she would walk in and cut me dead. I look back now and wonder why I put up with it but I'm not nine now.

My continuing issue is with my over anxious mother, we've had words over the years about her projecting her fears onto DS. He has no problems standing in front of people and playing but she will make it into a big thing. I did sugarcoat it but the underlying message to her was to lip up or stop at home.

I had one like that at secondary, Icould. I look back now and feel that I could have done so much better. She was a bit controlling. This 'friend' has to have her way at all times, or badmouths Goo, eyerolls behind her back, and takes the other girls away so that nobody will play with her. There have been recent comments like, "It's not all about you, Goo", "90% of what you say is unnecessary" and constant digs (all day long) over a slight disagreement with their join project.

And at the risk of boasting (I really don't mean to, and everyone is so supportive here) Goo got perfect scores of 120 in all of her SATs, despite doing no work whatsoever. I know she is just very, very lucky. She finds it all easy. So it's been an incredibly emotional week with lots of ups and downs.

Our piano teacher gave us some 2017-2018 grade 8 piano pieces to practice at her last lesson for this term. Is it too much stretch for my DD? She just played Scarlatti K1, K11, then jump to Doctor Gradus. Or this piece is very easy grade 8 piece? Or not big gap from grade 6- grade 8? How do your teacher choose pieces? Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

Even if eyerollingfriend is going to the same new school it should be big enough for Goo to be able to lose her in the crowd. It sounds like jealously, pure and simple. Xfriend (because she isn't one is she?) will have her own issues in September when she comes up against all the other little queen bees who also are used to having their own way.

DS is now 17, he has two friends from primary and all the rest he met at secondary.

waffle :( It sounds like a fresh start is exactly what's needed. But as a general observation, it is incredibly common with very able girls to put themselves down all the time. Even quite condident and pragmatic ones like my DD. There is a very marked difference between her and her brother in this respect. DS is probably less confident overall, and more stressy, yet he has much more confidence in his abilities.

drummers aaaarrrggh! Fingers crossed that the hand is healed enough by tomorrow!

We got DD's report from the conservatoire. Overall very good but she needs to learn to play while looking at the music . Good luck with that ...

More importantly we also have her results for the French papers for her baccalauréat, which are taken in Y12 (by all students). She thought she had messed up the written exam, though she was happy with the oral exam. Big shock today to find out that she has 20/20 in the written paper (this is quite unusual; 16 would be an excellent mark) and 18/20 in the oral exam. Very happy for her!

Poor Goo. I feel for her. It may be a bit different but DS actually went through similarly bitter experience with his football.

Many of the kids DS used to play a lot were equally active so they played football and other sports together in and out of school for many years. But DS stopped playing for school last year as DS started telling me he was not really enjoying school football any more, and also it started clashing with outside school footy training, so for me it made sense. However I only discovered much later that some of those who were supposed to be a good friend had been pretty horrible to DS on the pitch that killed his enthusiasm in school footy. They made DS feel bad about him.

DS enjoys his football training outside of school. He seems to have decided that school is not the place to enjoy football, which is a bit sad. But he has learnt to ignore outer voice a bit, although this is still an on-going issue...

From this experience I do worry about friend's influence, and I worry about the impact of secondary school peers on his music. I was once told that a boy with a violin case will be bullied...

violinandpiano trust your teacher! I think this is one of those pieces that can be played at different levels, it's not necessarily technically difficult but requires some interpretation and musicality, and of course it depends what speed you play it at.

DD has played quite a bit of Debussy but not this piece. Looking at the sheet music I'd say it is easier than a lot of the Debussy repertoire - no cross rhythms, the left hand part is mostly quite simple. It looks very accessible to a good grade 6 student and a good step up if your DD doesn't have much experience of longer pieces.

I think it's important not to get hung up on grades. A lot comes down to how much you want to play a piece!

Hello Everyone

Just joining in your conversation as suggested by waffle.

I have

DD1 (9) taking grade 5 Violin on Monday. She is in the NCO regionals. She has also been playing piano for about a year. No grades yet on piano. Looking for some good music suggestions for the NCO. She won't be doing Grade 6 for a while as she needs to theory first so it would be nice to break away from Exam pieces for a bit.

DS1 (6). Has been learning Violin for a year. Will probably do Grade 1 next term. Is also going to start a new day school in September where he will be a chorister once he is trained up. Piano is compulsory there so he will be starting that too + lots of singing.

DS2 (3) - no musical activities yet.

Waffle

I'm not sure if this will help but i bought the book Queen Bees and wannabe's I don't think it's particularly aimed at this age group but i picked out bits for dd and explained certain parts of it and she gained a greater understanding of how playground politics worked.

We too have a very negative dd atm, it must be the time of year
No, mine hasn't done very well academically and is quite down

uff. Page 10 and my first post this month. I am still waiting for a clear run to catch up on all the clips...I want to so badly but for once keeping my head down to meet a deadline.

But, had to pop in quickly to offer to both Drummers and Waffle. I really hope that blister has dried today and gives DS full movement back, and that Waffle's DD can just count down the days to break and make that clean start that is so needed. The good thing is that you've an upside already of her breaking free. She'll still have the insecure madams to deal over the coming years but as Icould and misti have said, recognising these traits and dealing with them will get better.

I don't know why, but it's often women that are the most cruel to their own. I guess I do know the reasons why, but nevertheless it still stumps me, the old cycle goes on and on.

Thankfully, not on this thread.

And hello Charisin and to all the other newcomers! Good luck for Monday's exam!

Poor Goo!
although it is perhaps a good thing that you are now aware of the details?
I find the whole 'put others down to big yourself up' thing so so unpleasant. I've become quite resistant to anything that makes direct comparisons easy, to the extent that next year I'm going to talk to DS's piano teacher about 'concert' pieces that are not from the tutor book. There have been some changes in the music school with more performances than previously and when the kids are all playing pieces from the same book well lets just say comparisons are way too easy, and I have heard unhelpful comments from some parents.

I suppose the same is true to an extent for graded repertoire, but in that case, at least at the higher grades, things can be played at many different levels iyswim, there's only so much you can do with a 1st piano tutor book!

I hope the summer gives some respite and the new school year is a real fresh start.

ealing, boys can be quite cruel too (witnessed lots put down business, not just to DS). Maybe at primary age (hope so)? As young children can be cruel anyway...

Charis - what kind of music does your 9 year old like?

Absolutely Kutik, I agree, this behaviour is not exclusive to girls. This is a huge huge generalisation but boys can often be more direct with their put downs and then forget about it 2 mins later. But leaving the recipient of put down still reeling. Some girls can a little more sophisticated, and it's a drip drip drip. Until someone calls them out on their behaviour. Which often doesn't happen because the fear of wider repercussions are worse than the actual comments themselves. At this age.

If it helps..., I bought "Words Will Never Hurt Me" by Sally Northway Ogden when DS was getting lots of 'put down' from his once good friends.

The author starts this book with quoting the old adage, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me", then go on to say "but words in fact did hurt!"

She uses lots of real-life examples, pointing out that the real issue is not down to the putdown-ees, but those who have the need to put others down, then goes on to explain the importance of feeling empowered, relaxed and in control.

I read some parts with my DS, to help him realise he was doing nothing wrong. All he was doing was working hard for his own goal, perhaps irritating to some of his peers who didn't know they could do the same, so nothing to feel ashamed.

waffle secondary school will be a good chance to get rid of this influence? Amazing sats scores and misti many congrats on her full marks. gilly your DDnis on a path that has been her calling forever. Do not worry too much
Boy is practising with pain but managing all arpeggios and difficult passages. Decided not to rush to gp as I am following all guidelines regarding treatment. Also decided to go ahead with exam as the cons of delaying are greater than the pros.
kutik your DS has so much to offer, you just wait.
I am working with an ice cube stuck inside my hair bun.

Second skin great advice btw. I will get it.

MendingFences, she likes most stuff. Fast crazy gypsy sounding violin music is a favourite. Also she has just learnt vibrato so would probably also like a slower piece to practice that on.

Welcome Charis! Please try not to worry, gilly, your DD is super gifted in other areas and knows exactly where she is going. Is she getting the right support at school for the academic side?

'Friend' isn't going to the same secondary - she has won a scholarship to private school. She's not quite as bright as Goo, but is bright still, and excellent at sport, plays three instruments to around Grade 3, so a bit of an all-rounder. I am so, so glad that we didn't even consider the same school (can't afford it) - there are only about a dozen girls going into Year 7 there, and most of them have a similar personality!

Anyway, I have just been in and seen the pair of them, along with some others, for their last ever Year 6 Recorder lesson. Goo has always come along to support her friends and to play treble/ sop. I think this is it for her and the recorder now, although it might get dusted down for duets with Rara in the festival sometimes.

Ah, and I meant to say that the girls all seemed fine, and in good spirits! Hopefully something has been said.

importance of feeling empowered, relaxed and in control

so true Kutik. One thing that has also worked for us is we go through scenarios of what's the worst thing that could happen?^. Once we've done this and DD's realised the ground will not swallow her up, though she may go through a period of being frozen out, she relaxes. And gets better at dealing with the issue, knowing however it turns out, she's supported on the outcome.